Before I hopped on this merry go round of doctors and diagnoses, I had the feeling that when something goes wrong, there's a doctor ready and able to fix the problem. Now I see that there are no fixes and at best what I can learn to do is understand my son's temperament and help him to lead the best life he can (and not go crazy myself in the process). From time to time little red flags wave at me and I wonder what, if anything, I can do. Today Seb and I were at the movies. We were a few minutes early, aimlessly munching on popcorn and reading the little celebrity trivia slides they play to occupy the time before the movie starts. A slide came up with a quote from Pamela Anderson: 'Sometimes a little pain is good". Seb tuned to me: "That's absolutely right" he said. "How so?", I asked. Seb looked straight ahead at the screen and said, matter of factly: "Sometimes I hit myself or I bite my tongue, just to relax, and it feels good". My heart sank into my stomach. One of my embarassing secrets is that I have cut the skin on my feet on and off since I was a teenager. I always dread seeing the worst of me and my gene pool reflected in my innocent little children. "You feel relaxed when you hurt yourself?" I asked for clarity trying not to sound judgemental. "Yes", he said as if it were the most normal thing to say, "I like it. I like to feel a little pain, it relaxes me". I thought for a brief moment and said: "If you find that you need to relax you can tell me and I would love to tickle your back or give you a massage; I know you find that relaxing. You don't need to hurt yourself". Seb grabbed my arm: "Mom, don't worry, it's not a big deal". A few weeks ago I happened upon Seb in the living room. He had hog tied himself with a jump rope. "Would you put some masking tape over my mouuth?" he asked in the same way that one would ask for a glass of lemonade. I want to fix this way of thinking, but maybe I can't? I am terrified of this red flag. What's a mother to do?