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sentenced to one year.......
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<blockquote data-quote="witzend" data-source="post: 173451" data-attributes="member: 99"><p>Susan, I know that you know that the appropriate answer to his asking to come home was "no". When you tease him with "it never worked out before" you give him permission to wear you down. Are you afraid that he is going to yell at you? Or is it that he might hate you? Or that he thinks you will hate him if you say no? Let me tell you something. He doesn't care about you one tenth as much as he cares about xanax. You are just a means to an end. Look at it this way - if you had said "no", he could have moved on to finding someplace of his own to go to. You prevented that, because he knows there's a chance that he can come home, do drugs in your home, steal from you with little consequence, and not have to get a job. It's the cushiest offer out there, and he's not going to look for anything else when there's a good chance you're going to cave. If you said "maybe" in person, "no" in a letter won't work. You have to have the guts to look him in the eye and say "No."</p><p></p><p>Did you go to your Al-Anon meeting today? If you had, you probably would not have gone to see him, or if you did, you would have stood up for yourself. I think you need to go. Tell them that you don't want him home and you don't know how to help him. They'll help you out more than we can. </p><p></p><p>Again, I'm very frustrated that you tell us that we are so helpful and that we have such great ideas as to how to not get sucked in by him and how to help him help himself, and then you go to see him without a plan, and you don't tell him he can't come home.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="witzend, post: 173451, member: 99"] Susan, I know that you know that the appropriate answer to his asking to come home was "no". When you tease him with "it never worked out before" you give him permission to wear you down. Are you afraid that he is going to yell at you? Or is it that he might hate you? Or that he thinks you will hate him if you say no? Let me tell you something. He doesn't care about you one tenth as much as he cares about xanax. You are just a means to an end. Look at it this way - if you had said "no", he could have moved on to finding someplace of his own to go to. You prevented that, because he knows there's a chance that he can come home, do drugs in your home, steal from you with little consequence, and not have to get a job. It's the cushiest offer out there, and he's not going to look for anything else when there's a good chance you're going to cave. If you said "maybe" in person, "no" in a letter won't work. You have to have the guts to look him in the eye and say "No." Did you go to your Al-Anon meeting today? If you had, you probably would not have gone to see him, or if you did, you would have stood up for yourself. I think you need to go. Tell them that you don't want him home and you don't know how to help him. They'll help you out more than we can. Again, I'm very frustrated that you tell us that we are so helpful and that we have such great ideas as to how to not get sucked in by him and how to help him help himself, and then you go to see him without a plan, and you don't tell him he can't come home. [/QUOTE]
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