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Sewing advice gone bad.
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<blockquote data-quote="Marguerite" data-source="post: 366484" data-attributes="member: 1991"><p>You had a reasonable concern about the bodice that was not connected with weight issues; more connected with the natural changes in shape of a young girl beginning to naturally change her body shape and size. That was all you asked.</p><p></p><p>As you said, she is jumping on you for calling c-difficult child fat, when you haven't said anything of the sort. Methinks she protesteth too much.</p><p></p><p>Stop asking her for advice, unfortunately. </p><p></p><p>I also have a large lady friend who is also an expert seamstress. She WILL deal with an issue like yours, without jumping down someone's throat. Yes, my friend is a bit oversensitive but if I said something like, "I'm worried about easy child's weight gain, it's unhealthy. Plus I need your advice on how to remodel tis dress so it flatters her shape and still accommodates her getting larger all the time," my friend would listen, consider easy child and what I have said and MIGHT offer advice such as "Be careful not to make a big issue of her weight, it would backfire and make her comfort-eat. Believe me, I know that trap. But she would look better if we bring the waist in here but leave a bit more room to drape around her tummy."</p><p></p><p>My friend is sensitive, but not an idiot about it. Se gets on her soapbox when parents put otherwise healthy CHILDREN on diets; but a family putting everyone on a healthy eating plan is something she applauds. As long as it involves balance, and no actual food restriction, my friend would approve.</p><p></p><p>She grew up a fat child in a family which hassled her about it and put her on diets very young, and shamed her constantly (because they mistakenly believed that would help her lose weight). </p><p></p><p>Your co-worker has problems and is projecting onto you. Someone in her life has said the things she is accusing you of saying. She isn't listening to what you really say; instead, she is listening to her memories of what people have said to her, to make her feel bad about herself. She also is not able to learn to change this behaviour which is why she still has problems dealing with other people about tis, as well as ongoing problems with her own weight - until she can really listen to other people, she will never learn to listen to herself. She has become too skilled at re-writing the truth to suit her own thoughts. It's a lot easier to give yourself an excuse to get angry with someone, than to have to really deal with an issue.</p><p></p><p>Also be aware - she is probably going to other co-workers (or worse, the boss) to accuse you or workplace bullying. If you can, or feel you need to, go ask your boss for advice on tis issue and make it clear - you have not made any accusations, but she seems to get very upset and feel you have said things you know you did not. You don't have to go into details of what about, merely mention that she got upset with you for something she thought you implied about her, and you are concerned that it could have an impact on your good working relationship; does the boss have any experience in helping your co-worker over this sort of hurdle?</p><p></p><p>Pre-empt. Chances are, others have experienced tis too, but the boss may not realise.</p><p></p><p>Marg</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Marguerite, post: 366484, member: 1991"] You had a reasonable concern about the bodice that was not connected with weight issues; more connected with the natural changes in shape of a young girl beginning to naturally change her body shape and size. That was all you asked. As you said, she is jumping on you for calling c-difficult child fat, when you haven't said anything of the sort. Methinks she protesteth too much. Stop asking her for advice, unfortunately. I also have a large lady friend who is also an expert seamstress. She WILL deal with an issue like yours, without jumping down someone's throat. Yes, my friend is a bit oversensitive but if I said something like, "I'm worried about easy child's weight gain, it's unhealthy. Plus I need your advice on how to remodel tis dress so it flatters her shape and still accommodates her getting larger all the time," my friend would listen, consider easy child and what I have said and MIGHT offer advice such as "Be careful not to make a big issue of her weight, it would backfire and make her comfort-eat. Believe me, I know that trap. But she would look better if we bring the waist in here but leave a bit more room to drape around her tummy." My friend is sensitive, but not an idiot about it. Se gets on her soapbox when parents put otherwise healthy CHILDREN on diets; but a family putting everyone on a healthy eating plan is something she applauds. As long as it involves balance, and no actual food restriction, my friend would approve. She grew up a fat child in a family which hassled her about it and put her on diets very young, and shamed her constantly (because they mistakenly believed that would help her lose weight). Your co-worker has problems and is projecting onto you. Someone in her life has said the things she is accusing you of saying. She isn't listening to what you really say; instead, she is listening to her memories of what people have said to her, to make her feel bad about herself. She also is not able to learn to change this behaviour which is why she still has problems dealing with other people about tis, as well as ongoing problems with her own weight - until she can really listen to other people, she will never learn to listen to herself. She has become too skilled at re-writing the truth to suit her own thoughts. It's a lot easier to give yourself an excuse to get angry with someone, than to have to really deal with an issue. Also be aware - she is probably going to other co-workers (or worse, the boss) to accuse you or workplace bullying. If you can, or feel you need to, go ask your boss for advice on tis issue and make it clear - you have not made any accusations, but she seems to get very upset and feel you have said things you know you did not. You don't have to go into details of what about, merely mention that she got upset with you for something she thought you implied about her, and you are concerned that it could have an impact on your good working relationship; does the boss have any experience in helping your co-worker over this sort of hurdle? Pre-empt. Chances are, others have experienced tis too, but the boss may not realise. Marg [/QUOTE]
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