Forums
New posts
Search forums
What's new
New posts
New profile posts
Latest activity
Internet Search
Members
Current visitors
New profile posts
Search profile posts
Log in
Register
What's new
Search
Search
Search titles only
By:
New posts
Search forums
Menu
Log in
Register
Install the app
Install
Forums
Parent Support Forums
Parent Emeritus
Shadow Daughter
JavaScript is disabled. For a better experience, please enable JavaScript in your browser before proceeding.
You are using an out of date browser. It may not display this or other websites correctly.
You should upgrade or use an
alternative browser
.
Reply to thread
Message
<blockquote data-quote="New Leaf" data-source="post: 682204" data-attributes="member: 19522"><p>Hi DM, thank you for your response. I have hit a low spot, just thinking of what I have been reading, all of the articles on detachment, knowing that she is out there on the streets is still torture.</p><p>My rational mind tells me that Rain has to decide for herself what her life will be, that I have tried to have her at home, that there is really no progress when she is here. We opened ourselves to all sorts of craziness and drama, street people at the house....theft.</p><p>It was bad. Really, unacceptable.</p><p>So, she left. Came back disheveled and beat down, but did not want to go to a DV shelter.</p><p>So, down the road she went again.</p><p>Then back a couple weeks later, high as a kite and rambling on about homeless issues.</p><p><em>SIGH.</em></p><p><em></em></p><p><em>We all go through hell both ways. </em></p><p></p><p>The winds are up again here, and it is chilly.</p><p>My heart aches for her.</p><p>I am trying to repeat my mantra, "She is out there finding her way, she will be okay."</p><p><em>It's not working tonight.</em></p><p>I don't know if it is researching loving detachment, opening up my heart, breaking down the wall and trying to figure out a way to love her deeply, but not be consumed by her choices.</p><p>It's not that I ever stopped loving her.</p><p>I just kept this picture in my head of her reactions to me, the disrespect and animosity, that seemed to help me cope more. Retaining just enough of that anger to cement over the weak points in my heart, to keep a little callous, so when I start pining, I can stop.......</p><p>Well, yes, there is a safety issue. She has been very agitated when speaking with me, that is on my turf, at home. She is very angry with me. So, my going to her where she is on the street is very questionable. She knows where I am, knows my phone number. That will have to be enough for now. The notion that I would go to her right now is really not an option. She will have to figure this out, as will I.</p><p>Thank you for your prayers.</p><p>I just have to keep working through these feelings and turn the ache in the pit of my stomach to prayer, and more prayer.........last night after writing this I went onto a meth site and began reading testimonials from former users. Most of them wrote that it was the detachment from their families that turned things around. I shall have to remain a shadow mother for my Rain for the time being. I shall have to remember that helping her is not helping her.</p><p>I am seeing now that what I have built up to protect my heart is not a wall, it is a shield. I am a warrior in the heat of the battle, and the battle is about maintaining myself, rebuilding myself, as my daughter is out there figuring her life out. It hurts very much to know of the pain she goes through. I will have to rely on my faith and understand that I cannot prevent her from making these choices, and though she has gone to the depths, <em>I cannot go there with her</em>. As I rebuild my shield, I shall stoke the fires within my soul and pray with all of my might that she will find her way. Perhaps that light of my soul fire will be reflected from my shield and reach parts of her heart. For I do believe we are all connected in Gods mysterious ways. </p><p>Yes, I will build myself up, and hope that at the same time, she is thinking the same, that she needs to build herself up.</p><p>Thank you DM, you have helped me very much.</p><p>(((HUGS)))</p><p>leafy</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="New Leaf, post: 682204, member: 19522"] Hi DM, thank you for your response. I have hit a low spot, just thinking of what I have been reading, all of the articles on detachment, knowing that she is out there on the streets is still torture. My rational mind tells me that Rain has to decide for herself what her life will be, that I have tried to have her at home, that there is really no progress when she is here. We opened ourselves to all sorts of craziness and drama, street people at the house....theft. It was bad. Really, unacceptable. So, she left. Came back disheveled and beat down, but did not want to go to a DV shelter. So, down the road she went again. Then back a couple weeks later, high as a kite and rambling on about homeless issues. [I]SIGH. We all go through hell both ways. [/I] The winds are up again here, and it is chilly. My heart aches for her. I am trying to repeat my mantra, "She is out there finding her way, she will be okay." [I]It's not working tonight.[/I] I don't know if it is researching loving detachment, opening up my heart, breaking down the wall and trying to figure out a way to love her deeply, but not be consumed by her choices. It's not that I ever stopped loving her. I just kept this picture in my head of her reactions to me, the disrespect and animosity, that seemed to help me cope more. Retaining just enough of that anger to cement over the weak points in my heart, to keep a little callous, so when I start pining, I can stop....... Well, yes, there is a safety issue. She has been very agitated when speaking with me, that is on my turf, at home. She is very angry with me. So, my going to her where she is on the street is very questionable. She knows where I am, knows my phone number. That will have to be enough for now. The notion that I would go to her right now is really not an option. She will have to figure this out, as will I. Thank you for your prayers. I just have to keep working through these feelings and turn the ache in the pit of my stomach to prayer, and more prayer.........last night after writing this I went onto a meth site and began reading testimonials from former users. Most of them wrote that it was the detachment from their families that turned things around. I shall have to remain a shadow mother for my Rain for the time being. I shall have to remember that helping her is not helping her. I am seeing now that what I have built up to protect my heart is not a wall, it is a shield. I am a warrior in the heat of the battle, and the battle is about maintaining myself, rebuilding myself, as my daughter is out there figuring her life out. It hurts very much to know of the pain she goes through. I will have to rely on my faith and understand that I cannot prevent her from making these choices, and though she has gone to the depths, [I]I cannot go there with her[/I]. As I rebuild my shield, I shall stoke the fires within my soul and pray with all of my might that she will find her way. Perhaps that light of my soul fire will be reflected from my shield and reach parts of her heart. For I do believe we are all connected in Gods mysterious ways. Yes, I will build myself up, and hope that at the same time, she is thinking the same, that she needs to build herself up. Thank you DM, you have helped me very much. (((HUGS))) leafy [/QUOTE]
Insert quotes…
Verification
Post reply
Forums
Parent Support Forums
Parent Emeritus
Shadow Daughter
Top