She is back in jail

[pasajes4]

Your body is responding in protective mode. Numb allows you to do what you need to do without being awash in emotions. Take very good care of yourself.

Your daughter has a disease as deadly as stage 4 cancer. She can go into remission with rigorous treatment and vigilance on her part. She will have this battle the rest of her life. I hope for Connor's sake she chooses to do the work.

Praying for your family.

 

[PatriotsGirl]

Maybe that is it. I am just trying to put one foot in front of the other.

I know one thing - she needs to feel every ounce of pain right now. She needs to hit bottom. Thought she was there, but guess not...

 

[Nancy]

Eights months clean is really good PG. We were told the average addict relapses seven times before they stay clean. I know that's not what you want to hear but it is so rare that someone gets clean/sober and stays that way the first time. I know you were hoping that the baby would be her motivation but drugs are a powerful pull. I hear your disappointment and it is good to steal yourself against more hurt because right now the most important person here is Connor and you and husband are the only ones he has right now.

I suspect she relapsed right around the time you noticed her attitude changing. That's a huge red flag.

 

[4now]

We had legal guardianship of our grand baby since he was 5 months old. In our state even with legal guardianship we couldn't get him on our insurance, but he was covered by Medicaid. they didn't base it off our income but the child's (there was none) hopefully you can get assistance in your state. We couldn't get grandson on our health insurance until we adopted him a few years ago. So sorry for what you are going through, but we have loved every minute of having our grandson and wouldn't change it even if we could.

 

[PatriotsGirl]

Medicaid would be fine - he had it but she didn't know you had to renew it when he turned a year. She supposedly sent the paperwork in over a month ago but we have heard nothing and it is still inactive.

 

[Scent of Cedar *]

Begin a gratitude journal. When things are unbelievably dark, that is the one thing ~ the only thing ~ I have found to help. If there is no time right now to think hard enough to actually write something, then just pick five simple things and repeat them to yourself.

It can be anything. A butterfly or a bird flying in a way that catches the eye or speaks to the heart. It can be that your grandchild is safe; that husband is there with you, alive and well.

That you are there, yourself, to do what can be done.

Any smallest thing to counter the darkness of this time.

I have found that gratitude, that looking for any smallest light, enables me to balance on that razor thin place between rage and resentment. When the anger passes, it will be those few moments when you remembered whatever tiniest piece of brightness and sanity you were able to find during the dark times that will be a bridge for you to sane response once the anger deflates and you are left with nothing to hold you up or show you a way to get through to the other time, to that time when this time is nothing more than a memory of betrayal.

Just a thing remembered.

There is a song I am linking for you. It helped me deal with the vulnerability, with the not knowing how to respond or how to keep moving through the day. Maybe the song you need will be different.

But I will link this one for you.

Cedar

 

[dstc_99]

PG,
Numb is actually a good place to be for a bit. I was there for a while after difficult child moved out. It was weird but it was safe. No one could hurt me because I was just going through the motions and making things happen as best as I could.

Check with your insurance about the guardianship thing. I know that in the military if you have temporary custody of less than 1 year the child can NOT be put on your insurance. If you get custody for 1 year or longer then you can add them to your insurance. It's basically a way to keep parents from adding their childs child to their insurance temporarily.

Still sending hugs!

 

[PatriotsGirl]

Thank you all!!! I will go apply for medicaid for him as soon as I go get the papers signed and see the judge.
We are doing okay. We are all pitching in as a family and doing what we need to. My new boss is such a sweetheart and so totally understanding. That helps. I will be able to work from home all of the time so I just need to bring him to and from daycare each day.
We got him to sleep in our bed last night and sat out on the living room for a while - it was nice having some normalcy. definitely need to get him sleeping alone so we can have that every night as a wind down.
He is such a joy!!!! I have had to go to training the past couple of days so husband has been home with him. I can't tell you how awesome it was to come home to that sweet little grinning boy running up to hug me. He makes it all so much easier.

I still feel nothing about her right now. Not anger, not sadness - nothing. Just bewildered why she would go back to that. I have no desire to help her on any way. If she gets clean and changes her life, great. If not, she can disappear and Connor will stay with us. Somehow I am at peace with that. Such a strange place to be...

It is such a gorgeous day and I am outside with the little man. I am off to go play with him...

 

[Nancy]

You sound in a much better place PG. I'm glad you are finding some normalcy at home and joy with Connor.

 

[comatheart]

Oh my gosh, I can see I have missed a lot being away for a couple of wks!! I am so disheartened to hear she relapsed. I always had so much hope for her and enjoyed your positive updates. Sounds like you've got a lot on your plate. Thank you for being there for Connor. He is so lucky to have you and your husband.

 

[DammitJanet]

I imagine I am very late and things may be completely fixed and straightened out by now but I didnt see anything where you said you got X, Y or Z so I thought I would drop in now that I am back.

As you probably know our youngest granddaughter was removed from her parents and put in emergency foster care. We werent considered "fit" because in NC they can accuse you of doing something wrong (not even very wrong) and just decide in house that they are right and you cant fight it at all. Nothing goes to court so you cant argue your side or get a lawyer or anything like that. We have two issues: One is back when difficult child was 2 and we were moving into a house in Greensboro NC in April he was wearing thick socks but no shoes. Some nosy neighbor happened to notice and called the cops. Cops came out and I explained that Cory was on his off week. He had severe ortho problems with his feet and had to wear special shoes but per doctor orders he was to wear the shoes two weeks on and one week off. Even with a letter from his pediatric ortho doctor faxed to CPS they still substantiated neglect against us. Then when difficult child was 11 he was accepted to go to a long term wilderness program. We found out he was accepted over the summer between 5th and 6th grades. Here we had no child care for his age group but Jamie and Billy were at the house and they were well old enough to watch him at 13 and 16. First they tried to say I was neglecting all 3 of them by leaving them all home alone but when I found the law about the age to babysit that didnt fly. Instead they decided to say I neglected difficult child because we found out he was set to enter the camp 3 days after the local school system started back. I didnt bother to start him. I didnt see the point. I took those three days off from work to get all his clothes together and packed and then of course, the third day we took him up there. Educational neglect. Nothing we could do to even attempt to fight these things.

Anyway, at this point I dont want to fight to keep my youngest granddaughter but it really irks me anyway. So far they havent charged the parents with a darn thing but you can go read up on all that. Im sure you have figured out all the medicaid, child care and such by now. One thing I do know...or it used to be....family didnt get near the benefits available to them that a regular foster care setting got. I know I am not impressed by this foster placement we are involved with. They take the baby over to the so called house that should be condemned and burned down ever single day.

 

[PatriotsGirl]

Hi Janet!!

I don't have to worry about anything - we didn't even have to see the judge because difficult child signed off on the temporary guardianship. It is now in place until he is 18 or she files to have it dissolved in which case we would have a hearing and I don't see them removing him from us and giving him to her. Not at this time anyway. Regardless, the court did mandate rehab and she is being transferred on Monday to a year long program.

You are SO right about the "benefits". They are trying to say that we do not qualify because of our income. So I asked them - so we are expected to financially support her child and they said, well, sometimes our children put us in positions...blah blah. We are not even fighting it. We have been financially raising him since birth anyway. The daycare is a burden, though - that is an extra 360 a month we didn't plan for. But it is okay, we get by. But the government really ticks me off. We have paid a lot into the system, why shouldn't we be able to use it?? Just because we have worked harder we are not worthy?? :<

 

[stressedmama]

"You are SO right about the "benefits". They are trying to say that we do not qualify because of our income. So I asked them - so we are expected to financially support her child and they said, well, sometimes our children put us in positions...blah blah. We are not even fighting it. We have been financially raising him since birth anyway. The daycare is a burden, though - that is an extra 360 a month we didn't plan for. But it is okay, we get by. But the government really ticks me off. We have paid a lot into the system, why shouldn't we be able to use it?? Just because we have worked harder we are not worthy??"

OMG PG this is RIGHT ON...

I will never understand how the state decides who gets what in terms of assistance. There is absolutely inequity going on. For example, difficult child is still receiving medicaid and food stamps. They just raised her food stamps (because she hasn't been working). easy child 2 works full time, lives on her own with our GD, pays rent, utilities, etc. Doing everything right but her pay is not enough to get by.

She was on my health insurance (kids under 26 could be covered)till Nov when the Not-So-Affordable Health Care Act went into affect and I could no longer afford to keep her on my plan. My premium stayed the same, copays went up, benefits decreased and I had to go from covering husband, easy child 1, easy child 2 and easy child 3 to just easy child 3 and myself.

She can't afford to get insurance through the HC Exchange and the state denied her claim for Medicaid. She and GD actually spent the night at her boyfriend's house last night because she said she had no food at her house and no money to buy any. She doesn't spend money on frivolous things. She's tapping into savings from her deployment to make ends meet every month and her savings are almost wiped out. The only assistance she gets from the state is a discount on daycare but only a very little one.

So to recap, difficult child is getting what equates to over $900.00 a month in state assistance (not including medicaid)for not working (and pays nothing toward the care of her son)and easy child who is busting her butt to do everything right is basically punished and receives a total of $200/month toward daycare only.

difficult child was working at a convenience store and she used to tell me stories about all these people that would come in and order a dozen subs to share with friends and pay for it with their food stamps. easy child can't afford to buy dinner for she and GD. Really??

Thanks for letting me vent. It's so frustrating!!

 

[PatriotsGirl]

It is ridiculous. My husband is having a hard time finding employees because most people are getting more to sit on their behinds at home!! Why work???

Our government is so beyond messed up...

 

[InsaneCdn]

And it's worse up here on the north side of the 49th parallel.
Trust me. It's worse.