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She is NEVER gonna change!!!
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<blockquote data-quote="Marguerite" data-source="post: 238118" data-attributes="member: 1991"><p>OK, breathe. Slowly in, slowly out. Over and over. Take six seconds to breathe in, six seconds to breathe out.</p><p></p><p>Now, tell yourself again - she is sick. You have done the best you can. It is now out of your hands. Do not take any of her garbage on board. Do not get caught up in her blaming. Because even when you say, "How dare she...?" you are getting caught up in her psychodrama. When you begin to defend yourself - she has successfully laid blame on you, enough to ruffle your feathers.</p><p></p><p>Anyone with a glimmer of knowledge and understanding will know you are not at fault here. And anyone without a glimmer of understanding - they're not worth the effort of trying to explain, because they haven't got the capacity to ever undertand. When you meet people like this - don't waste your energy, you need it for more important things.</p><p></p><p>Your description of your mtoher and how she feels your sister was too hard on difficult child - that gives me insight into your own (perhaps previous) mindset, the one that had you letting difficult child walk all over you, for so long. Your mother would put up with this appalling behaviour and in doing so, enable it. She gave you the best training she could.</p><p></p><p>Not that I blame her - she herself is a product of HER upbringing. But be aware of it and continue to work hard to break the generational pattern. It is not only YOUR best chance, it is your daughter's too.</p><p></p><p>How can you best help your daughter? Byt not caving now. As you said, there's not much you could do now anyway, there re processes which now are set in place and which must run their course. But you need to continue this consistency and firmness of rule. You have another child who needs to know what is going to be happening, he needs some sense of security and also to see that consequences will happen to those who break the rules deliberately, defiantly.</p><p></p><p>The debit card issue - I agree with you, the amount isn't the problem. The fact that she stole YOUR card at all, is the issue. She showed you absolutely no respect, she showed no respect for boundaries and someone else's property. Her current attitude of "it was only $40" clearly shows she just doesn't get it, she is missing the point entirely.</p><p></p><p>If she is openly saying that she will run as soon as she gets out, then is this being passed on to authorities and treating doctors? Isn't she supposed to be on her medications now? I am wondering if her medication-taking (if it's happening at all) is being supervised to ensure compliance. What about blood tests to measure blood levels?</p><p></p><p>Until she begins to take personal resposibility (for her health, for her actions, for everything) then this pattern will continue. You need to be strong. Keep up with the counselling, you need it for so many reasons. The strongest, toughest, most relaxed indivisual in your shoes would be needing counselling through this, in order to maintain some sense of perspective and to keep that spine stiffened sufficiently.</p><p></p><p>Of all you are going through with her, this must be close to the most difficult. If you can weather this, you can weather almost anything.</p><p></p><p>Did you realise just how strong you have become?</p><p></p><p>Marg</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Marguerite, post: 238118, member: 1991"] OK, breathe. Slowly in, slowly out. Over and over. Take six seconds to breathe in, six seconds to breathe out. Now, tell yourself again - she is sick. You have done the best you can. It is now out of your hands. Do not take any of her garbage on board. Do not get caught up in her blaming. Because even when you say, "How dare she...?" you are getting caught up in her psychodrama. When you begin to defend yourself - she has successfully laid blame on you, enough to ruffle your feathers. Anyone with a glimmer of knowledge and understanding will know you are not at fault here. And anyone without a glimmer of understanding - they're not worth the effort of trying to explain, because they haven't got the capacity to ever undertand. When you meet people like this - don't waste your energy, you need it for more important things. Your description of your mtoher and how she feels your sister was too hard on difficult child - that gives me insight into your own (perhaps previous) mindset, the one that had you letting difficult child walk all over you, for so long. Your mother would put up with this appalling behaviour and in doing so, enable it. She gave you the best training she could. Not that I blame her - she herself is a product of HER upbringing. But be aware of it and continue to work hard to break the generational pattern. It is not only YOUR best chance, it is your daughter's too. How can you best help your daughter? Byt not caving now. As you said, there's not much you could do now anyway, there re processes which now are set in place and which must run their course. But you need to continue this consistency and firmness of rule. You have another child who needs to know what is going to be happening, he needs some sense of security and also to see that consequences will happen to those who break the rules deliberately, defiantly. The debit card issue - I agree with you, the amount isn't the problem. The fact that she stole YOUR card at all, is the issue. She showed you absolutely no respect, she showed no respect for boundaries and someone else's property. Her current attitude of "it was only $40" clearly shows she just doesn't get it, she is missing the point entirely. If she is openly saying that she will run as soon as she gets out, then is this being passed on to authorities and treating doctors? Isn't she supposed to be on her medications now? I am wondering if her medication-taking (if it's happening at all) is being supervised to ensure compliance. What about blood tests to measure blood levels? Until she begins to take personal resposibility (for her health, for her actions, for everything) then this pattern will continue. You need to be strong. Keep up with the counselling, you need it for so many reasons. The strongest, toughest, most relaxed indivisual in your shoes would be needing counselling through this, in order to maintain some sense of perspective and to keep that spine stiffened sufficiently. Of all you are going through with her, this must be close to the most difficult. If you can weather this, you can weather almost anything. Did you realise just how strong you have become? Marg [/QUOTE]
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