She is only 6

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by katlindner81, Feb 28, 2011.

  1. katlindner81

    katlindner81 New Member

    Hi I am new . My six year old daughter was just diagnosed with ADHD and conductdisorder in Oct. I have always new she has issues but just kept telling my self that she is just a strong willed child. She has not had a easy life and has delt with more than most adults can handle she was sexually abused in a child care for atleast two years then was a witness to a domestica abuse situation betwenn my ex and I. Now that I thought things were getting better she seemed to be managing her anger better and not being violent to other children out of now where she gets in a fight with a 3 year old over a toy and is found chocking the three year old. I know that she isn't at a 6 year old level. Its not the way she handled her anger that has me upset its the fact that the 3 year Learning Disability (LD) was my niece and I live with them at the moment because i was terminated from my job due to having to take so much time off for her appts. What has me upset is the fact that I was told I had to put her in a group home or give her to her biologival dad or send her to live with my parents or i had to move out. I felt like I was being asked to drop a dog off at the pound. She is my daughter and i have fought for her this long and will continue to there is no way on earth that I will give her up. I know they don't understand her or her diagnosis, but I feel the request is way out of line. What she did was wrong yes and is being delt with at therapy and witht he cae manager and her social worker. I am finding it hard to talk to other people about this because I know they listen but don't really understand what I am going through. I have worked with children for years with these diagnosis, but it is so diffrent living it.
  2. TeDo

    TeDo Guest

    Did you ask your daughter why she did that? Has she ever done this to another child? What kinds of behaviors did she exhibit that "were getting better"? Has she ever been diagnosed with anything? Any medications?

    I can sort of understand their feelings. Their daughter is their primary concern as your daughter is yours. Sorry I can't help but without more information, I don't know what else to say. I am glad she is seeing a therapist. I hope that helps.
  3. LittleDudesMom

    LittleDudesMom Well-Known Member Staff Member


    wow, a diagnosis of conduct disorder in a 6-year old is very rare. CD is usually not even considered until after 16. Sounds like your little girl had a traumatic start to her life that is now manifesting in extreme behavior.

    It's really tough to say, but were I in your sister/brother's shoes, I may have to agree. I'm not sure I would take a chance that my niece would become violent again, or that she repeats the sexual abuse that was perpetrated against her. I know it's tough, but I feel that is an honest reaction. Put yourself in their shoes as the guardians and protectors of your niece.

    You say that you have lost your job. I am assuming you are not working right now. Perhaps the suggestion that you move in with your parents is a good one. Your daughter probably has to be in a living arrangement without younger children at this moment. And, perhaps your parents can lend some additional support.

    I think you have to not take this request to leave personally. I know it's difficult, but it is best for both children in the long run.

    Who diagnosis'd your daughter with conduct disorder (what type of doctor)? Is your daughter taking medications? How often is she in therapy? What was the case workers reaction to this situation?

    Listen, I'm glad you found your way here. You will find a wonderful group of supportive and understanding parents. Welcome.

  4. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    CD is rarely diagnosed in a six year old. I'd question the competence of the person who evaluated her and go somewhere else for another opinion. She may need medication. Like the others said, we need more info.

    Sorry, but if somebody choked my toddler, relative or not, he/she would have to leave my house as well. I know you l ove your daughter to pieces (you sound like a great mom), but they love their child just as much. I get it. I hope things improve and you can find help for your daughater AND another job!!
  5. Steely

    Steely Active Member

    Welcome Kat-
    I am sorry you had to find us this way.
    I also question the CD diagnosis, but again, a label at this point is not exactly helpful. What is helpful is what you are already doing, getting her therapy, social services, etc. So kudos.

    You used the analogy of taking a puppy to the pound - so I will go in this same vein. I adopted a puppy recently who is adorably sweet, and loving. My hope was that she could go stay at my son's house with his 2 dogs when I was out of town. I have worked and worked with these 2 dogs and my puppy, and it just isn't going to work. Diesel (my son's dog) constantly makes threatening gestures to her, nips at her, growls. As a good pet mom - I cannot let the 3 of them hang out, it just isn't safe. Even if Diesel worked with the Dog Whisperer day in and day out for 2 months, I still would not leave them all together. And so it is at your house. It just is not safe to have these 2 children together right now.

    However, I would not leave my daughter either. I would find somewhere to live asap - but with her. A homeless shelter for the 2 of you is better than abandoning her right now. Look on Craigs List and see, sometimes there are rooms for rent, that are free, if you do household chores. There are many solutions - but I would not leave her.

    You know when Matt was 4 he chased a little girl around the pre-school with a pair of scissors. I was confident he was going to grow up being a serial killer. But so far, he remains strong, and is growing in small steps towards positivity. The road, however, was very, very hard. He also has also been through hell and back. He was sexually abused, physically abused, and witnessed physical abuse - just like your daughter. But you just never know how this will unravel - so don't give up.

    Again, I would not leave her - but I would also realize it is not safe to have her around young children right now. How is she in school?

    Many hugs. Hang in there - and post as much as you need to.
  6. DDD

    DDD Well-Known Member

    Please let me add my welcome. I'm sorry that things are not going well. Do you mind sharing where the diagnoses came from? A Pediatrician? School? Therapist? The ADHD is common and pretty easy to identify (although alot of the ADHD kids, in my humble opinion, probably don't have that specific problem).Conduct disorder is a whole 'nother ball game. CD is based on years of decisions and actions that indicate a posible lifelong problem blending in with society. Obviously it would be extremely rare if not impossible for a child who was just a toddler three years ago to have formed such a wide view of society.

    You'll probably never meet such a large group of loving and dedicated Moms as we have on this sitel. We all know it is a very difficult job raising children with problems (we refer to them as difficult children) and that often we have to make uncomfortable choices. Changing residences is a major problem. It's hard to fall back and regroup. Like the others so far I have to say that I don't blame your relatives. They have been kind enough to open their home to you and your difficult child. Do your best to analyze your move choices and to keep them as a supplemental support system. It is far too easy to isolate yourself due to the emotional stress. Meanwhile post here as often as you like. You'll get alot of support and more than an inling of wisdom. Hugs. DDD
  7. timer lady

    timer lady Queen of Hearts

    Is your child getting therapy? Being sexually molested at such a young age brings out many many behaviors that are unacceptable to the rest of the world. Being 6 years of age this little one needs much help to deal with her fears, the hurt to her little body & what to do with all these emotions that no 6 year old should be feeling.

    My twins were sexually abused at a very young age & the anger/behaviors were intense & angry for years. It's taken a lot of blood, sweat & tears to sort out all of the garbage.

    If at all possible it would be best that your little one lives in a home with-o other children. There's no puppy comparison here ~ this is a hurt child who is confused & frightened. It's going to take time for your baby girl to understand how to interact with her peers - how to play with-o feeling threatened.

    The diagnosis's will come in time; they will change & become more clear. The immediate concern is to address the abuse - at this age I would think with a highly qualified play therapist who deals with PTSD.

    Please come back & let us know what is happening or if you just need to vent.