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She will never be normal, will she?
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<blockquote data-quote="Star*" data-source="post: 327142" data-attributes="member: 4964"><p>SAFIM, </p><p></p><p>You know, I didn't really read very well anyone answers to you because I have a slightly different thought and I'll do my best to explain - please no shock and awe hate mail. </p><p></p><p>I very much get where you are at. There were times when I wondered why God hated me so much, I cursed the (and I say this almost with nasty malcontent attitude and quoted air fingers) "You never get any more than you can handle crud." - Okay first of all that is probably one of the most mis-quoted, para-phrased, passages in the Bible. So keeping that in mind - There are a lot of things in life that we just have no idea about. Strength or otherwise so if you can first of all rise above the idea that God is sitting up in heaven tossing darts at our life-board going "Ah today I shall make SAFIM so miserable by giving her a child she will never be able to handle mwah ha ha. And then? I shall make that child smoke pot. BWAH HA HA." </p><p></p><p>Yeah - see? No such thing going on. Free will? Yeah now there's a thing that is really happening. Your child making horrible choices? Ewwwww yeah. (exhale). Roll eyes. Still angry with God? Still think he was standing on the assembly line and when your daughter rolled off he said "Stamp THAT one - defective and put her in SAFIM's womb....she needs a miserable brat - and that one will do." (and then laughed like Dr. Evil) - um....not likely. However....What I have come to believe after years of being so pancake flipping angry with the Almighty about my life? I'm really unique, I'm really tough, I'm built a little differently than a lot of other people I know, and I'm not just a survivor - I'm an overcomer. Not just with my kid - my whole life. And I have a choice. I've had free will my entire life - it just took me most of it to figure out - I HAVE FREE WILL...I CAN CHOOSE...</p><p></p><p>I can choose to live with a child that makes me so miserable that I say things that are so ugly and miserable I don't even care that I say them. The bad thing about that is - most of the time when you get to that point? You really think you mean them, and you will snap at others and say "Oh I don't think it, I mean it - If he or she were dead I wouldn't care, it would be a relief." When you get to that point? The rest of us who have really overcome a lot (like all the lovely ladies above) will come forward and say "You need a break." What may go through YOUR head when you read those words of wisdom at this point is "I'll tell YOU what I'd like to break." and dismiss great advice for more anger. </p><p></p><p>The Bi%^h about anger? Once it grabs you? It doesn't like to let go. It's happy making you very unhappy. It's very content living in your home, watching you be miserable, sullen, depressed, making comments like you have been, not being able to be around anyone who has children who are successful - that's another emotion - not jealousy; that's envy. Envy is another emotion that likes to live with anger. Their almost like twins. Both live to see you be at the bottom of the barrel, scraping by, barely existing - sad as can be- angry at the world, hating, loathing....wishing your kids would just disappear instead of figuring out how to take little Hitler and tell her that there are going to be some changes in little Germany or she's going to have to find a new Berlin. </p><p></p><p>Anger, and Envy would be more accomplished if you never found a way to take control over your life/home/child ever again. See the thing is - right now? The focus has to be on Y-O-U. Not necessarily on your daughter. Rushing into her room and yelling "Okay today I'm the boss and you will...blah blah blah......" is going to get you that deer in the head light look, then laughter, then 'yeah right witch' and a screaming "GET OUT OF MY ROOM." and possibly a door slam. To which you feel defeated, undermined and belittled. IN YOUR OWN waffle tossin' home. I mean after all whose bloody walls and electricity are they? And who says you HAVE to do anything? </p><p></p><p>So what needs to happen for you? Ah....are you willing to do anything for you first and let her just go by the way side for a while and ignore her? If nothing else???? This could be the start of "HOW I LEARNED TO DETACH 101." YOU would NOT have come here and picked out such a cute name (stab me with a fork) lol - if you did NOT want some kind of help - so KUDOS to you Sister....I mean way to GO.....BRAVE MOVE since you are living in the house with the female Antichrist....(and we'll work on that too) you'll have to find a nicer acronym for her....she can be .....hmmmmm you're the fork.....she can be the DISH that ran away with the spoon....Get it.....or she can be just the DISH....Or Spoongirl.....or Spooney..I dunno but we have to find her a better name than Memnoch. <img src="/community/styles/default/xenforo/smilies/emoticons/faint.gif" class="smilie" loading="lazy" alt=":faint:" title="faint :faint:" data-shortname=":faint:" /> How about LEGNA? She's really and ANGEL - just a little backwards? (spell angel backwards?) </p><p>I dunno - she's your kid - there were days when my son Dude - was Assteroid boy....or just (well I can't put that here) </p><p></p><p>I applaud you very much for having the courage to seek us out. This IS a really knowledgeable, wonderful, heartfelt, NO B.S. group of women who will not cut you slack....we will hug you when you hurt, but our kids - all our kids have led us down thorny paths. You wanted to know if they ever will be normal? </p><p></p><p>Well I think to a certain extent they can be. But YOU have to mature and learn how to parent them differently. SO the first thing is to get yourself into some good therapy and not worry so much about what she is doing right now. You ABSOLUTELY NEED a good #$*TCHING buddy....not a family member, or a girlfriend - they WILL.NOT.UNDERSTAND YOU...and your FAMILY PROBLEMS. What you need is a trained therapist that can come back at you with SOLID ADVICE that is particular to your families unique set of dynamics and problems and work on it from the inside out a layer at a time. You said so yourself - it took 18 years......to get this way - it will take another 18 to undo it. If that's the case? And you end up being the only one that is committed to working on getting better? Then do it. You'll learn from a professional HOW to deal with things IF it becomes a reality that she DOES sleep in the park...if she DOES....things that are worse later in life. </p><p></p><p>I buried my adopted son in February this year. He was a wonderful, bright, loving child of 18 years. I loved him with all my heart. He became the big brother to natural son after his big brother died 8 years ago; another wonderful kid of only 19 years old. I can promise you this. You can say all the things you have said about not caring if they're around, and thinking you mean it until you can't see them to say goodbye. The child we buried this Spring was burned alive in his car. The other boy died as a result of bullriding. You never know when you're going to have the last chance to tell them you love them....and without getting all weepy and mushy - I do understand the anger, but maybe it's time to tell The Almighty you're angry instead of waiting until you're standing in line.....that could be a long long time - besides he already knows you're angry. He's just waiting for you to tell him. Then just go in and maybe do something that you haven't tried in a long time. Just go tell your daughter you love her more than anything in the world. You really have nothing to lose.......you've tried everything else and it hasn't worked. </p><p></p><p>Sometimes the oddest advice, you know? And if that doesn't work? I have a fork for you. <img src="/community/styles/default/xenforo/smilies/tongue.png" class="smilie" loading="lazy" alt=":tongue:" title="tongue :tongue:" data-shortname=":tongue:" /></p><p></p><p>Hugs - huge ones. </p><p>Star</p><p></p><p>I sure hope you come back and join us....there is no shame here. Besides we need to know what you nick name your daughter. I'm betting on little angel. <img src="data:image/gif;base64,R0lGODlhAQABAIAAAAAAAP///yH5BAEAAAAALAAAAAABAAEAAAIBRAA7" class="smilie smilie--sprite smilie--sprite2" alt=";)" title="Wink ;)" loading="lazy" data-shortname=";)" /></p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Star*, post: 327142, member: 4964"] SAFIM, You know, I didn't really read very well anyone answers to you because I have a slightly different thought and I'll do my best to explain - please no shock and awe hate mail. I very much get where you are at. There were times when I wondered why God hated me so much, I cursed the (and I say this almost with nasty malcontent attitude and quoted air fingers) "You never get any more than you can handle crud." - Okay first of all that is probably one of the most mis-quoted, para-phrased, passages in the Bible. So keeping that in mind - There are a lot of things in life that we just have no idea about. Strength or otherwise so if you can first of all rise above the idea that God is sitting up in heaven tossing darts at our life-board going "Ah today I shall make SAFIM so miserable by giving her a child she will never be able to handle mwah ha ha. And then? I shall make that child smoke pot. BWAH HA HA." Yeah - see? No such thing going on. Free will? Yeah now there's a thing that is really happening. Your child making horrible choices? Ewwwww yeah. (exhale). Roll eyes. Still angry with God? Still think he was standing on the assembly line and when your daughter rolled off he said "Stamp THAT one - defective and put her in SAFIM's womb....she needs a miserable brat - and that one will do." (and then laughed like Dr. Evil) - um....not likely. However....What I have come to believe after years of being so pancake flipping angry with the Almighty about my life? I'm really unique, I'm really tough, I'm built a little differently than a lot of other people I know, and I'm not just a survivor - I'm an overcomer. Not just with my kid - my whole life. And I have a choice. I've had free will my entire life - it just took me most of it to figure out - I HAVE FREE WILL...I CAN CHOOSE... I can choose to live with a child that makes me so miserable that I say things that are so ugly and miserable I don't even care that I say them. The bad thing about that is - most of the time when you get to that point? You really think you mean them, and you will snap at others and say "Oh I don't think it, I mean it - If he or she were dead I wouldn't care, it would be a relief." When you get to that point? The rest of us who have really overcome a lot (like all the lovely ladies above) will come forward and say "You need a break." What may go through YOUR head when you read those words of wisdom at this point is "I'll tell YOU what I'd like to break." and dismiss great advice for more anger. The Bi%^h about anger? Once it grabs you? It doesn't like to let go. It's happy making you very unhappy. It's very content living in your home, watching you be miserable, sullen, depressed, making comments like you have been, not being able to be around anyone who has children who are successful - that's another emotion - not jealousy; that's envy. Envy is another emotion that likes to live with anger. Their almost like twins. Both live to see you be at the bottom of the barrel, scraping by, barely existing - sad as can be- angry at the world, hating, loathing....wishing your kids would just disappear instead of figuring out how to take little Hitler and tell her that there are going to be some changes in little Germany or she's going to have to find a new Berlin. Anger, and Envy would be more accomplished if you never found a way to take control over your life/home/child ever again. See the thing is - right now? The focus has to be on Y-O-U. Not necessarily on your daughter. Rushing into her room and yelling "Okay today I'm the boss and you will...blah blah blah......" is going to get you that deer in the head light look, then laughter, then 'yeah right witch' and a screaming "GET OUT OF MY ROOM." and possibly a door slam. To which you feel defeated, undermined and belittled. IN YOUR OWN waffle tossin' home. I mean after all whose bloody walls and electricity are they? And who says you HAVE to do anything? So what needs to happen for you? Ah....are you willing to do anything for you first and let her just go by the way side for a while and ignore her? If nothing else???? This could be the start of "HOW I LEARNED TO DETACH 101." YOU would NOT have come here and picked out such a cute name (stab me with a fork) lol - if you did NOT want some kind of help - so KUDOS to you Sister....I mean way to GO.....BRAVE MOVE since you are living in the house with the female Antichrist....(and we'll work on that too) you'll have to find a nicer acronym for her....she can be .....hmmmmm you're the fork.....she can be the DISH that ran away with the spoon....Get it.....or she can be just the DISH....Or Spoongirl.....or Spooney..I dunno but we have to find her a better name than Memnoch. :knockedout: How about LEGNA? She's really and ANGEL - just a little backwards? (spell angel backwards?) I dunno - she's your kid - there were days when my son Dude - was Assteroid boy....or just (well I can't put that here) I applaud you very much for having the courage to seek us out. This IS a really knowledgeable, wonderful, heartfelt, NO B.S. group of women who will not cut you slack....we will hug you when you hurt, but our kids - all our kids have led us down thorny paths. You wanted to know if they ever will be normal? Well I think to a certain extent they can be. But YOU have to mature and learn how to parent them differently. SO the first thing is to get yourself into some good therapy and not worry so much about what she is doing right now. You ABSOLUTELY NEED a good #$*TCHING buddy....not a family member, or a girlfriend - they WILL.NOT.UNDERSTAND YOU...and your FAMILY PROBLEMS. What you need is a trained therapist that can come back at you with SOLID ADVICE that is particular to your families unique set of dynamics and problems and work on it from the inside out a layer at a time. You said so yourself - it took 18 years......to get this way - it will take another 18 to undo it. If that's the case? And you end up being the only one that is committed to working on getting better? Then do it. You'll learn from a professional HOW to deal with things IF it becomes a reality that she DOES sleep in the park...if she DOES....things that are worse later in life. I buried my adopted son in February this year. He was a wonderful, bright, loving child of 18 years. I loved him with all my heart. He became the big brother to natural son after his big brother died 8 years ago; another wonderful kid of only 19 years old. I can promise you this. You can say all the things you have said about not caring if they're around, and thinking you mean it until you can't see them to say goodbye. The child we buried this Spring was burned alive in his car. The other boy died as a result of bullriding. You never know when you're going to have the last chance to tell them you love them....and without getting all weepy and mushy - I do understand the anger, but maybe it's time to tell The Almighty you're angry instead of waiting until you're standing in line.....that could be a long long time - besides he already knows you're angry. He's just waiting for you to tell him. Then just go in and maybe do something that you haven't tried in a long time. Just go tell your daughter you love her more than anything in the world. You really have nothing to lose.......you've tried everything else and it hasn't worked. Sometimes the oddest advice, you know? And if that doesn't work? I have a fork for you. :raspberry-tounge: Hugs - huge ones. Star I sure hope you come back and join us....there is no shame here. Besides we need to know what you nick name your daughter. I'm betting on little angel. :winking: [/QUOTE]
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