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She's 6 and I think a sociopath
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<blockquote data-quote="Marguerite" data-source="post: 350177" data-attributes="member: 1991"><p>Kids will fight, there doesn't need to be any underlying disorder. I remember easy child 2/difficult child 2 and easy child fighting a great deal. Or when easy child moved away from home to live with mother in law (before mother in law moved to be near us) and then easy child would come home on weekends - the house would have been quiet, everyone (including all the difficult children) all getting on fine, peaceful. Then easy child would arrive, and within minutes everyone would be fighting. she had become a destabilising influence. She would arrive and want to be in full control and 'head of the house' again (not that she ever was entitled to that position).</p><p></p><p>So - kids will fight. Especially when younger.</p><p></p><p>However, I do agree, you are right to be concerned. Certainly, especially given the history, these are confused, messed up kids who have a great deal of damage to recover from.</p><p></p><p>I remember a nephew of mine who was like this - he scared me. He was weird from a toddler, much younger than 6. I would visit them often, I often stayed with them, but not so much after he was born (my sister was busier with a third child).</p><p>I remember one day we were visiting, a fairly typical day - we heard a bit of noise from his room, I moved faster at the time than my sister so I got to the boy's doorway in time to see books on the floor and the lower timber shelf on the floor. I then saw him calmly approach his shelves again (they were made from loose timbers balanced on wall brackets) and pull down another shelf, tipping the contents everywhere. I called to him to stop and he turned to face me. No expression. No apparent anger. Nothing. Between us (mostly me) we put the shelves back and put the toys etc back up on the shelves. I then called him to come out to the kitchen to have some lunch (which we'd been about to have anyway). But he dawdled, I heard a crash behind me and he was at it again.</p><p></p><p>So I watched him over the next few months and talked to other sisters of mine (his mother was in denial, we couldn't talk to her about it). And others also reported the same concerns - he would get physically destructive, but not showing any emotion. Of course there were other times when he would get angry with other kids, that was different. It felt more normal. But these spells of destructiveness with apparent calm, calculated attitude and no remorse - it scared us.</p><p></p><p>Now - he's an adult, no sign of sociopathy that I can see. Not the most 'normal' perhaps, he's still single and has serious health problems due to past drug and alcohol abuse. There have been years when I wouldn't have cared less what happened to him, but in recent weeks especially, I've had to talk to him a lot (about his aunt who lives nearby who has been desperately ill) and I've found my nephew to be very normal in so many respects. Showing empathy, compassion, consideration - not a problem. However, things can't be too perfect for him, he does currently live with his parents and rents out the house he owns. I think it's because he needs his parents' support right now because of his health problems, plus his father is fighting cancer and this has the son helping out a bit (technically). Certainly his parents don't seem concerned about him (other than his health) but then - they never did seem to notice.</p><p>He's had no therapy to deal with any anti-social personality issues. His siblings have never had any such problems although they have had their own problems due to what life has thrown at them.</p><p></p><p>What I'm trying to say - sometimes kids can really worry you, but they can turn out to not have such serious problems after all. And sometimes you need to jump in and get help. I do wonder if my sister had got help for my nephew, if he could have avoided the drug and alcohol problems that have almost killed him (he's got serious organ damage, especially his liver and pancreas). </p><p></p><p>I think it's important to NOT react with fear (especially if tis is an attachment issue) but to react with practicality and love. Don't be blinkered (like my sister was) but also don't go around hanging religious icons for personal protection, either (if you get my drift). It sounds like despite the lack of communication form the various authorities, at least you have some medical records and early testing to use as a springboard.</p><p></p><p>Cause - probably not as relevant, but you need to consider the chicken and the egg. The parents may both have developed ASPD due to whatever happened to them in their own environment, or there may be some genetic personality traits. Whichever it is - they were attracted to one another perhaps because of this similarity, or perhaps something about the other attracted them to one another in order to perpetuate the dysfunction (in the same way that a sociopath will choose a partner to be a victim). The children may have inherited tendencies, or they may have environmental factors causing this, from exposure to their parents and their way of raising the kids (or not raising them). Or the parents may have been odd as children, found themselves being rejected either by peers or the adults in their lives, and developed these problems in consequence (as an overlay to what was already there).</p><p></p><p>Perhaps not really relevant, but worth bearing in mind.</p><p></p><p>Do stick around and let us know how things go. The problems you describe are very similar to some that bring other parents here too. There are others who can really share your concerns, reflected in their own children.</p><p></p><p>We have a range of different issues we discuss here, but your concerns fit right in.</p><p></p><p>Unfortunately for you - but glad we can be here for you. And very glad you are on the ball so early. She IS only 6, still not 'cooked' yet, hopefully.</p><p></p><p>Marg</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Marguerite, post: 350177, member: 1991"] Kids will fight, there doesn't need to be any underlying disorder. I remember easy child 2/difficult child 2 and easy child fighting a great deal. Or when easy child moved away from home to live with mother in law (before mother in law moved to be near us) and then easy child would come home on weekends - the house would have been quiet, everyone (including all the difficult children) all getting on fine, peaceful. Then easy child would arrive, and within minutes everyone would be fighting. she had become a destabilising influence. She would arrive and want to be in full control and 'head of the house' again (not that she ever was entitled to that position). So - kids will fight. Especially when younger. However, I do agree, you are right to be concerned. Certainly, especially given the history, these are confused, messed up kids who have a great deal of damage to recover from. I remember a nephew of mine who was like this - he scared me. He was weird from a toddler, much younger than 6. I would visit them often, I often stayed with them, but not so much after he was born (my sister was busier with a third child). I remember one day we were visiting, a fairly typical day - we heard a bit of noise from his room, I moved faster at the time than my sister so I got to the boy's doorway in time to see books on the floor and the lower timber shelf on the floor. I then saw him calmly approach his shelves again (they were made from loose timbers balanced on wall brackets) and pull down another shelf, tipping the contents everywhere. I called to him to stop and he turned to face me. No expression. No apparent anger. Nothing. Between us (mostly me) we put the shelves back and put the toys etc back up on the shelves. I then called him to come out to the kitchen to have some lunch (which we'd been about to have anyway). But he dawdled, I heard a crash behind me and he was at it again. So I watched him over the next few months and talked to other sisters of mine (his mother was in denial, we couldn't talk to her about it). And others also reported the same concerns - he would get physically destructive, but not showing any emotion. Of course there were other times when he would get angry with other kids, that was different. It felt more normal. But these spells of destructiveness with apparent calm, calculated attitude and no remorse - it scared us. Now - he's an adult, no sign of sociopathy that I can see. Not the most 'normal' perhaps, he's still single and has serious health problems due to past drug and alcohol abuse. There have been years when I wouldn't have cared less what happened to him, but in recent weeks especially, I've had to talk to him a lot (about his aunt who lives nearby who has been desperately ill) and I've found my nephew to be very normal in so many respects. Showing empathy, compassion, consideration - not a problem. However, things can't be too perfect for him, he does currently live with his parents and rents out the house he owns. I think it's because he needs his parents' support right now because of his health problems, plus his father is fighting cancer and this has the son helping out a bit (technically). Certainly his parents don't seem concerned about him (other than his health) but then - they never did seem to notice. He's had no therapy to deal with any anti-social personality issues. His siblings have never had any such problems although they have had their own problems due to what life has thrown at them. What I'm trying to say - sometimes kids can really worry you, but they can turn out to not have such serious problems after all. And sometimes you need to jump in and get help. I do wonder if my sister had got help for my nephew, if he could have avoided the drug and alcohol problems that have almost killed him (he's got serious organ damage, especially his liver and pancreas). I think it's important to NOT react with fear (especially if tis is an attachment issue) but to react with practicality and love. Don't be blinkered (like my sister was) but also don't go around hanging religious icons for personal protection, either (if you get my drift). It sounds like despite the lack of communication form the various authorities, at least you have some medical records and early testing to use as a springboard. Cause - probably not as relevant, but you need to consider the chicken and the egg. The parents may both have developed ASPD due to whatever happened to them in their own environment, or there may be some genetic personality traits. Whichever it is - they were attracted to one another perhaps because of this similarity, or perhaps something about the other attracted them to one another in order to perpetuate the dysfunction (in the same way that a sociopath will choose a partner to be a victim). The children may have inherited tendencies, or they may have environmental factors causing this, from exposure to their parents and their way of raising the kids (or not raising them). Or the parents may have been odd as children, found themselves being rejected either by peers or the adults in their lives, and developed these problems in consequence (as an overlay to what was already there). Perhaps not really relevant, but worth bearing in mind. Do stick around and let us know how things go. The problems you describe are very similar to some that bring other parents here too. There are others who can really share your concerns, reflected in their own children. We have a range of different issues we discuss here, but your concerns fit right in. Unfortunately for you - but glad we can be here for you. And very glad you are on the ball so early. She IS only 6, still not 'cooked' yet, hopefully. Marg [/QUOTE]
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