Forums
New posts
Search forums
What's new
New posts
New profile posts
Latest activity
Internet Search
Members
Current visitors
New profile posts
Search profile posts
Log in
Register
What's new
Search
Search
Search titles only
By:
New posts
Search forums
Menu
Log in
Register
Install the app
Install
Forums
Parent Support Forums
Parent Emeritus
She's gone....
JavaScript is disabled. For a better experience, please enable JavaScript in your browser before proceeding.
You are using an out of date browser. It may not display this or other websites correctly.
You should upgrade or use an
alternative browser
.
Reply to thread
Message
<blockquote data-quote="recoveringenabler" data-source="post: 716231" data-attributes="member: 13542"><p>My daughter would prefer to be homeless, couch surfing or living in her car rather than compromise her personal sense of freedom. She cannot tolerate living with rules nor does she have insight into her own behaviors; nor does she "future think." She lives in the moment, reacts to whatever happens rather than trying to plan for anything.... and chooses a lifestyle that I would find scary and stressful. Somehow she survives. It has taken me a long time to let go and accept that this really is her choice. I spent years getting her to "level ground" paid for everything, had everything fixed, did everything to get her on the right track. The minute I stopped, she would quickly spring back into her former life and expect me or someone else to fix it all. </p><p></p><p>She is currently living with a friend. The pattern is that at some point, the friend will tire of her and massive drama will ensue. The "friend" will steal her stuff. She will be evicted or somehow forced out. She will move somewhere else after a brief couch surfing experience and then spend a few months blaming the former "friend" for stealing her stuff and evicting her. She justifies not changing or looking for a job or doing anything to shift this by staying stuck in the drama and chaos that the former living situation caused. This has happened so many times, it is predictable. </p><p></p><p>I am not involved this time. I am completely out of the loop, I don't ask questions. She and I have a clear understanding of our roles (after years of me figuring it out and setting boundaries.) Perhaps as a result she will change. I don't know. At this point I don't even think about it anymore, it is what it is.</p><p></p><p>As you and Madonna have recently come to, they are not like us, they do not want what we want, they have their own agenda for themselves, it may be manipulative, or cunning, or any kind of behavior....... and we can judge it till the cows come home....however, it is their life to lead however they see fit. Once I began understanding that and letting go, I accepted it. The guilt and the fear began to dissipate as I stopped enabling her. There is nothing I can do to change it. Once I let go I felt that she and I were both free to be ourselves and do what we want. She is not unhappy. She is not afraid. She is where she chooses to be. </p><p></p><p>It is very liberating to arrive in acceptance. <img src="data:image/gif;base64,R0lGODlhAQABAIAAAAAAAP///yH5BAEAAAAALAAAAAABAAEAAAIBRAA7" class="smilie smilie--sprite smilie--sprite1" alt=":)" title="Smile :)" loading="lazy" data-shortname=":)" /></p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="recoveringenabler, post: 716231, member: 13542"] My daughter would prefer to be homeless, couch surfing or living in her car rather than compromise her personal sense of freedom. She cannot tolerate living with rules nor does she have insight into her own behaviors; nor does she "future think." She lives in the moment, reacts to whatever happens rather than trying to plan for anything.... and chooses a lifestyle that I would find scary and stressful. Somehow she survives. It has taken me a long time to let go and accept that this really is her choice. I spent years getting her to "level ground" paid for everything, had everything fixed, did everything to get her on the right track. The minute I stopped, she would quickly spring back into her former life and expect me or someone else to fix it all. She is currently living with a friend. The pattern is that at some point, the friend will tire of her and massive drama will ensue. The "friend" will steal her stuff. She will be evicted or somehow forced out. She will move somewhere else after a brief couch surfing experience and then spend a few months blaming the former "friend" for stealing her stuff and evicting her. She justifies not changing or looking for a job or doing anything to shift this by staying stuck in the drama and chaos that the former living situation caused. This has happened so many times, it is predictable. I am not involved this time. I am completely out of the loop, I don't ask questions. She and I have a clear understanding of our roles (after years of me figuring it out and setting boundaries.) Perhaps as a result she will change. I don't know. At this point I don't even think about it anymore, it is what it is. As you and Madonna have recently come to, they are not like us, they do not want what we want, they have their own agenda for themselves, it may be manipulative, or cunning, or any kind of behavior....... and we can judge it till the cows come home....however, it is their life to lead however they see fit. Once I began understanding that and letting go, I accepted it. The guilt and the fear began to dissipate as I stopped enabling her. There is nothing I can do to change it. Once I let go I felt that she and I were both free to be ourselves and do what we want. She is not unhappy. She is not afraid. She is where she chooses to be. It is very liberating to arrive in acceptance. :) [/QUOTE]
Insert quotes…
Verification
Post reply
Forums
Parent Support Forums
Parent Emeritus
She's gone....
Top