She's home!!!!!help!!!!

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by bran155, Jan 29, 2009.

  1. bran155

    bran155 Guest


    They released her to me ROR right out of the courtroom!!! I am still shell shocked. She has the same stipulations as before. She has curfew and TASK. She must comply with treatment and medications or she goes back to jail. They said she did not qualify for Youth Court because you must have an open Family Court case and she does but only until she is 18 which she will be in 2 weeks, therefore no Youth Court. Instead they sent her home with me. Oh Yay!!! This was completely unexpected. We didn't even have a chance to warn the kids. My nephew and son are going to be very upset. She has no medications, no doctor, no therapist, I have to start from scratch!!! She has been accepted by her ICM so that is a plus. She can do all of the leg work. I am not doing a darn thing for this kid unless I start to see some effort out of her.

    She is already starting her c**p. She wants her Christmas presents, she wants money to get her hair done, not gonna happen!!!! She has already begun the cursing. That started in the car on the way home. She actually asked me to take her back to the jail so that she can get her belongings. I said absolutely not. She got very angry because she said her nose and tongue ring holes are going to close. Not my problem!!! She saw one of her "friends" when I was parking the car. He waited on the porch while she came in the house to badger me for money to take the bus to the jail. She says "I"m willing to take the bus the least you can do is give me the money". No, the least I can do is NOTHING!!!! The nerve. So she stormed out of here and walked away with her friend flailing her arms about. No doubt in my mind she is outside begging for bus money. I just cannot believe she is here. I am dreaming. I just did not expect this. I really thought she was going to be placed. The DA, the judge and her lawyer are all in agreement that she needs help but they do not have the right to force her into treatment. I asked about declaring her incompetent so that she could be remanded to a hospital, long term. Her lawyer said that would be impossible as they ask basic questions to prove competency, she would pass with flying colors. She is not cognitively impaired. She is mentally ill and a danger to herself but apparently that is not enough. Their hands are tied. So they say. So now we must go back to court every 2 weeks to show the TASK report. Oh what fun!!! I warned her in the car that she will be 18 very soon and if she does not comply with the rules, her treatment or if she gets abusive she will be packing her things and leaving. She agreed as that is what she wants to do anyway. Thank God for small favors.

    Her lawyer actually told me that we should have allowed her to come home without any stipulations as this is only going to be harder on me. He thinks we should just let her do what she wants and then hit her bottom and hopefully she would make the effort to then change. I couldn't do that in good conscience. While I do not want to deal with her drama any longer and I do want a peaceful life. That is not my only goal. I do still love this kid very much and want her to succeed. I have 2 weeks to deal with this. If she doesn't show me and the rest of her family respect or if she does not comply with what is put in place for her then I WILL put her out!!!!!

    My detachment and strength are now going to be put to the test. I hope that I am able to maintain. I have been doing so good, I don't want to take any steps backwards!!!! It was easy to detach when she wasn't here, let's see how I do now.

    I apologize in advance as I am sure I will be eating up the boards for a while!!!

    Thanks for listening.

  2. DazedandConfused

    DazedandConfused Active Member

    Ohhhh man! Shawna I'm so sorry.

    I really have no advise because I haven't been there. I am, however, worried about your safety as she is desperately ill.

    She does ANYTHING untoward against you and other family members call the cops!

    My goodness, it's going to be a long two weeks.

    Sending positive thoughts to you. Hang tough!!
  3. janebrain

    janebrain New Member

    I am so sorry. But, I predict she will be gone in 2 weeks when she turns 18. She may even leave before that. If so I am not sure I would pursue her--my dtr left about a month before her 18th birthday and I figured no one in the "system" was going to care since she was so close to 18.

    Hang in there--you know she is going to violate the rules, she already is! She will be gone soon and she is not going to change at all unless she wants to. You have done all you can. You are doing awesome right now.

  4. Ropefree

    Ropefree Banned

    i am so sorry. What do you want to happen next?
  5. totoro

    totoro Mom? What's a GFG?

    Oh what a crock! How can they just throw away a kid like this. And watch her throw it away... which is what it sounds like she is going to do.
    You know what to do, you have been doing it all along.
    And you by no means are going to ever eat up the boards! My gosh, what is this place for? SUPPORT!
    We are trying to support you in a time of crisis.
    You are doing so good. Keep it up, this can't lest forever.
  6. aeroeng

    aeroeng Mom of Three

    My heart feels for you. This is so frustrating! I have no idea what to say or recommend? Just that we know you have and are doing everything possible and you do deserve to be happy. Hard to get there though.
  7. TerryJ2

    TerryJ2 Well-Known Member

    Whoah. They just let her loose.
    Well, good luck detaching. I assume she will be gone in two weeks, and hope that you will be able to detach when you don't know where she is. :(
    So, she demanded her birthday presents? How does she know she has any?
    Gosh, I wish she would get some medications. I'm so sorry.
  8. klmno

    klmno Active Member

    No advice- just ((HUGS)) My therapist (and others here) just say to call psychiatric hospital and have admitted when needed and eventually someone might get the point.
  9. Star*

    Star* call 911

    I'm stunned!

    I'm sorry for you all!

    I'm here....
  10. DammitJanet

    DammitJanet Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Oh gosh....I so know how you feel. I have been there so many times when they just hand the kid I had them release Cory back to me on house arrest when he was 21 and I was one of his Just here ya go! Boy was that fun.

    I hope your dtr doesnt give you too much grief during this time.
  11. Oh my goodness! I feel so bad for you. I can't imagine. Hang in there.

  12. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    Oh, good thoughts in your direction. Keep repeating "It's only two weeks, it's only two weeks!" (((Hugs)))
  13. DaisyFace

    DaisyFace Love me...Love me not


    I am so sorry! No advice tonight...just sending you plenty of cyber support.

  14. KTMom91

    KTMom91 Well-Known Member

    Shawna, I'm stunned. Sending hugs and prayers that life goes smoothly.
  15. Steely

    Steely Active Member

    Cr@p Shawna........I am stunned as well. Speechless.

    You know, at this point I might take the lawyers advice and do absolutely nothing. I certainly would not give her money, but I am pretty sure I would not set limits. She will not have any outside limits soon enough when she is 18........and so I do not think enforcing limits for 2 weeks, and putting you and your easy child in danger is worth it. I would just let her do her thing, and close the door permanently when she is of legal age. Any chance you can just go on vacation for 2 weeks?

    I know you love her very much......and I am so, so sorry.
    But this is all a matter of semantics at this point. The only reason the court sent her back to you is because of her age, right? If she was 18 she would have been simply released to no one?
    If so, I think that you just need to ignore her until she can become legally on her own and become legally responsible for her own choices. That is the only thing that will change her, not you being a responsible parent. You have already been there done that, and imparted all you can to her for now.

    Please post all you want. We are here for you.
  16. mstang67chic

    mstang67chic Going Green

    I'm so sorry...that hoovers. I agree with the others....I wouldn't really do much for the next two weeks. Let her dig her own hole.

    I realize you love her and want her to get help but if by chance you do get her admitted somewhere, come her birthday she's out and probably won't comply with anything. Plus it's not like the docs could do a whole lot in only 2 weeks or less. That's the kicker about the mental ill/committment laws....the person has to do harm before something can be done. husband had to go through this with his mother who is mentally ill. She could hear voices, call 911 to tell the police to bring her some cigarrettes, take baths in toilet cleanerand cut up her suitcase to use as a back splash for the sink but it wasn't until she broke the antennae off a radio and smacked my sister in law with it that we could get her hospitalized.

    As hard as it will be, for the next two weeks, let her do her thing. (no violence of course though. Call the police if that exceptions) Yes be realistic ( no playing in the electrical outlets) but for the most part....let her be. She will land herself back .....well .....inside SOMEWHERE and maybe THEN she can get some help.

    Hugs. It won't be easy.
  17. Wiped Out

    Wiped Out Well-Known Member Staff Member

    I'm sorry. I'm stunned too, can't believe they did this. ((((hugs))))
  18. susiestar

    susiestar Roll With It

    This is going to be very very hard on you and easy child and the rest of the family.

    the sad truth is that if a person doesn't want help then any and all efforts to get help for them are usually wasted.

    Make sure she doesn't hurt you or easy child or damage your stuff. Other than that anything you do will only annoy her. Don't give her $$ or let your purse out of your site. Be sure any $ of easy child's is locked up.

    Then let her alone. I know it feels like throwing her away, but in reality it is keeping pd safe. She will go after him to get back at you.

    You cannot force mental health care or even reg health care on someone who doesn't want it. She will have to hit bottom adn the WANT the help before it will do any good.

    Gentle hugs, this will be the hardest 2 weeks of your life.

  19. everywoman

    everywoman Active Member

    Shawna, I'm so sorry. Although my son was never abusive to me, he did have violent rages that were scary---he made out lives miserable for a long time. Pcdaughter actually moved out at 17 to a small apartment we owned just to get away from him. He stole from us almost daily. He used every illegal substance, destroyed property, was arrested, released, did 18 I stopped fighting him. I told him that if he wanted to destroy his life---it was his to destroy. He finally got the message---he is now being a great support to me. You are right to step back. Let probation be the heavy---she has to comply with them....or go back to jail
  20. luvmyottb

    luvmyottb Guest

    My jaw is on the ground! Shccked and speechless. Truly amazing! Good luck maintaining your sanity over the next 2 weeks because you are going to need it.

    Don't take her c***. I would wager she will take off before her time is up. I am so sorry. Lots of support to you and hugs. We are here for you.