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She's now somewhat 'homeless'
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<blockquote data-quote="BusynMember" data-source="post: 631444" data-attributes="member: 1550"><p>My opinion? Keep your distance. What choice do you have? She moved out to get distance and my own easy child daughter, who is thirty, has told me that we couldn't live together again, and we get along great. It is normal for adults, even those who love one another, to need distance. Adult children normally do not want their parents overly involved in their lives. They want to be independent and make their own decisions, even if they are bad ones, and they don't want nagging and lecturing or even you seeing what they do all the time, even if it's innocent.</p><p></p><p>Did you not want to eventually leave your home to be independent? Did you not want to be able to breathe without Mom around? It isn't an insult. It is normal. Some young adults are ready to leave the nest at eighteen, which is why so many go away to college or join the military. It is not unusual. $200 a month is VERY reasonable rent for your daughter to pay. If she lived with you, she should have to pay $200 a month at her age since she is not furthering her education.</p><p></p><p>Do not force your daughter to be in your life more than she wants. She set a boundary. Respect it. She'll love you for it. If you pressure her, It will chase her away more. Your goal, in my opinion, should be to have a mature mother (not mommy)/daughter relationship one day, one in which you do not judge her but talk to her like you talk to any other adult, even if you don't like what she is doing. Your goal should not be to have her come home so you can baby her and cook for her and do her laundry and give her the mommy love that your nine year old needs. It should be to encourage her independence.</p><p></p><p>Trust me, I know how you feel though. My eighteen year old precious daughter is going to college in a week. She is leaving early because she plays volleyball and the team starts practice in August. She will be alone in her room (no roommates) for twenty days. I will be driving her. I will cry all the way home because I will miss her, even though she is very social and not around much. Still, she was a joy to raise, but I have to admit that I am finished raising her and what she does with the rest of her life, unless sh e comes to me ASKING for advice or guidance, her life has to be due to her wants and needs without my nagging input...lol. Hopefully her dad and I taught her how to behave. I practiced this entire year letting her pretty much come and go as sh e liked, as long as she told us where s he was and, since she is responsible and not a party animal, it is easy to trust her. It is less easy though to know that she is on her way to live her own life. Sure, she'll come home for visits, but it will never same as it was...because she is eighteen and ready to embark on the rest of her life. She is my fourth child to leave the home. My baby is leaving. Of course, though, she is not a baby. She is a young adult on her way to growing up.</p><p></p><p>You can not hang onto your daughter...it isn't healthy for you or for her. Let her go and set the pace. Focus on yourself, your other loved ones, your hobbies you may have dropped, the things you love to do, the beauty of nature, the wonder of life in general...enjoy the rest of YOUR life and have fun with your nine year old. Kids are a blast at that age <img src="data:image/gif;base64,R0lGODlhAQABAIAAAAAAAP///yH5BAEAAAAALAAAAAABAAEAAAIBRAA7" class="smilie smilie--sprite smilie--sprite1" alt=":)" title="Smile :)" loading="lazy" data-shortname=":)" /></p><p></p><p>As a wise person whom I don't know the name of said: "Give them roots to grow and wings to fly." Our adult daughters are soaring through the clouds to adulthood. Celebrate it.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="BusynMember, post: 631444, member: 1550"] My opinion? Keep your distance. What choice do you have? She moved out to get distance and my own easy child daughter, who is thirty, has told me that we couldn't live together again, and we get along great. It is normal for adults, even those who love one another, to need distance. Adult children normally do not want their parents overly involved in their lives. They want to be independent and make their own decisions, even if they are bad ones, and they don't want nagging and lecturing or even you seeing what they do all the time, even if it's innocent. Did you not want to eventually leave your home to be independent? Did you not want to be able to breathe without Mom around? It isn't an insult. It is normal. Some young adults are ready to leave the nest at eighteen, which is why so many go away to college or join the military. It is not unusual. $200 a month is VERY reasonable rent for your daughter to pay. If she lived with you, she should have to pay $200 a month at her age since she is not furthering her education. Do not force your daughter to be in your life more than she wants. She set a boundary. Respect it. She'll love you for it. If you pressure her, It will chase her away more. Your goal, in my opinion, should be to have a mature mother (not mommy)/daughter relationship one day, one in which you do not judge her but talk to her like you talk to any other adult, even if you don't like what she is doing. Your goal should not be to have her come home so you can baby her and cook for her and do her laundry and give her the mommy love that your nine year old needs. It should be to encourage her independence. Trust me, I know how you feel though. My eighteen year old precious daughter is going to college in a week. She is leaving early because she plays volleyball and the team starts practice in August. She will be alone in her room (no roommates) for twenty days. I will be driving her. I will cry all the way home because I will miss her, even though she is very social and not around much. Still, she was a joy to raise, but I have to admit that I am finished raising her and what she does with the rest of her life, unless sh e comes to me ASKING for advice or guidance, her life has to be due to her wants and needs without my nagging input...lol. Hopefully her dad and I taught her how to behave. I practiced this entire year letting her pretty much come and go as sh e liked, as long as she told us where s he was and, since she is responsible and not a party animal, it is easy to trust her. It is less easy though to know that she is on her way to live her own life. Sure, she'll come home for visits, but it will never same as it was...because she is eighteen and ready to embark on the rest of her life. She is my fourth child to leave the home. My baby is leaving. Of course, though, she is not a baby. She is a young adult on her way to growing up. You can not hang onto your daughter...it isn't healthy for you or for her. Let her go and set the pace. Focus on yourself, your other loved ones, your hobbies you may have dropped, the things you love to do, the beauty of nature, the wonder of life in general...enjoy the rest of YOUR life and have fun with your nine year old. Kids are a blast at that age :) As a wise person whom I don't know the name of said: "Give them roots to grow and wings to fly." Our adult daughters are soaring through the clouds to adulthood. Celebrate it. [/QUOTE]
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