Forums
New posts
Search forums
What's new
New posts
New profile posts
Latest activity
Internet Search
Members
Current visitors
New profile posts
Search profile posts
Log in
Register
What's new
Search
Search
Search titles only
By:
New posts
Search forums
Menu
Log in
Register
Install the app
Install
Forums
Parent Support Forums
General Parenting
Should I force him?
JavaScript is disabled. For a better experience, please enable JavaScript in your browser before proceeding.
You are using an out of date browser. It may not display this or other websites correctly.
You should upgrade or use an
alternative browser
.
Reply to thread
Message
<blockquote data-quote="BusynMember" data-source="post: 643339" data-attributes="member: 1550"><p>Well, if you are ok with it, let him go at his own pace and see what happens (shrug). I do not know that he will get motivation without a push. You were lucky you fell in love and that did it. There is no guarantee this will happen for your son. </p><p></p><p>Funny thing is, my kids did the normal stuff in middle school and played lots of videogames (smile). I didn't care about that as long as the grades were ok and a few struggled and I felt like I was at school enough to fight for my kids who were Learning Disability (LD). In high school, though, that's when I up my level of expectations and the closer they get to eighteen, the more priveledges they get, as long as they are also responsible.That means they can drive (no new cars though), but they pay their part of the insurance. They put in the gas.</p><p></p><p>My family had no rules at all. We could do what we wanted. I thought it was a negative thing for me. I was definitely not ready to be an adult, but they expected me to do it young. I wanted my kids to be able to survive without me. We don't know how much time we have.Once your son's brother gets a wife and family he is less likely to want your son to move in with him, especially if all he does is watch movies and play videogames. Time marches on and there is only one person you can definitely depend on in the longrun...yourself. Or t hat's how I thought anyhow <img src="data:image/gif;base64,R0lGODlhAQABAIAAAAAAAP///yH5BAEAAAAALAAAAAABAAEAAAIBRAA7" class="smilie smilie--sprite smilie--sprite1" alt=":)" title="Smile :)" loading="lazy" data-shortname=":)" /></p><p></p><p>We all want our kids to have more than we did. I just think they should do it themselves or they will have trouble as they hit their later twenties and go into thirty. I believe you are an exception, and that parents are not obligated to financially support their children forever. If your son would take in his brother, that would not bother me. My son took his sister in too when she wa actively doing drugs. But in no way was he going to support her and let her sit around. He was tougher on her than us! And she quit using drugs and grew up fast! Today she is a mother with her own house, went back to school on her own dime (loan) and paid it off. Her SO of eleven years is great. But she didn't, say, launch late. She quit drugs at nineteen and began her path to growing up then.She got no money from us so she got a job. We have a great relationship. She is not angry about it. She thinks it was a good thing or she may have stayed a drug addict (her opinion). Now she even quit smoking cigarettes and doesn't even like to take an aspirin. She has come far.</p><p></p><p>Welcome to our board <img src="data:image/gif;base64,R0lGODlhAQABAIAAAAAAAP///yH5BAEAAAAALAAAAAABAAEAAAIBRAA7" class="smilie smilie--sprite smilie--sprite1" alt=":)" title="Smile :)" loading="lazy" data-shortname=":)" /> In the end, you asked for an opinion. I gave you mine. It is one opinion. Has your son ever been in therapy? You and wife? Sounds like at least your son is not causing you trouble, even if he is in Peter Pan mode.</p><p></p><p>In the end, we can give our own feedback and you have to make the decision. Good luck!</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="BusynMember, post: 643339, member: 1550"] Well, if you are ok with it, let him go at his own pace and see what happens (shrug). I do not know that he will get motivation without a push. You were lucky you fell in love and that did it. There is no guarantee this will happen for your son. Funny thing is, my kids did the normal stuff in middle school and played lots of videogames (smile). I didn't care about that as long as the grades were ok and a few struggled and I felt like I was at school enough to fight for my kids who were Learning Disability (LD). In high school, though, that's when I up my level of expectations and the closer they get to eighteen, the more priveledges they get, as long as they are also responsible.That means they can drive (no new cars though), but they pay their part of the insurance. They put in the gas. My family had no rules at all. We could do what we wanted. I thought it was a negative thing for me. I was definitely not ready to be an adult, but they expected me to do it young. I wanted my kids to be able to survive without me. We don't know how much time we have.Once your son's brother gets a wife and family he is less likely to want your son to move in with him, especially if all he does is watch movies and play videogames. Time marches on and there is only one person you can definitely depend on in the longrun...yourself. Or t hat's how I thought anyhow :) We all want our kids to have more than we did. I just think they should do it themselves or they will have trouble as they hit their later twenties and go into thirty. I believe you are an exception, and that parents are not obligated to financially support their children forever. If your son would take in his brother, that would not bother me. My son took his sister in too when she wa actively doing drugs. But in no way was he going to support her and let her sit around. He was tougher on her than us! And she quit using drugs and grew up fast! Today she is a mother with her own house, went back to school on her own dime (loan) and paid it off. Her SO of eleven years is great. But she didn't, say, launch late. She quit drugs at nineteen and began her path to growing up then.She got no money from us so she got a job. We have a great relationship. She is not angry about it. She thinks it was a good thing or she may have stayed a drug addict (her opinion). Now she even quit smoking cigarettes and doesn't even like to take an aspirin. She has come far. Welcome to our board :) In the end, you asked for an opinion. I gave you mine. It is one opinion. Has your son ever been in therapy? You and wife? Sounds like at least your son is not causing you trouble, even if he is in Peter Pan mode. In the end, we can give our own feedback and you have to make the decision. Good luck! [/QUOTE]
Insert quotes…
Verification
Post reply
Forums
Parent Support Forums
General Parenting
Should I force him?
Top