Should I?????

[everywoman]

difficult child has been home since Friday night. He has been respectful and thoughtful. I have not seen too many of his old behaivors. Last night pcduaghter and boyfriend asked him to go bowling, he said no because he feels like he still falls into his old patterns when out with them....He did have a girl over to watch movies with, but from what I could tell he was polite and respectful towards her.

He is working and needs to look for something with more hours. He needs to get enrolled in school. He needs to find a dental clinic to get some work done on his teeth. He also needs to see a dr. about his ear from the assault in Oct. He is having nerve pain especially when its cold.

When he was 16 we bought a truck for him to drive. It is now a mess--missing front bumper, banged up, but still driveable. We do not drive it. It is sitting in our yard unused. PCson used the title to take out a small loan until his taxes come back, so we can't drop the insurance. Do we allow him to take it back. His director/pastor will supervise his use of the truck. We can always go pick it up if he abuses it.

What would you do?

 

[busywend]

Is he asking about it? How bad does he need access to a car?

I would have to measure the pros and cons on this. And also be sure he knows it can be removed quickly if need be - he has to agree to that.

 

[Fran]

I would probably give it to him but not so quickly. It's just too easy to get tempted because no one sees him in his car alone. No one really knows where he is. Give it some time. Let him grow into his new found stability. Don't give him a way to go off the path again. He has survived with teeth, hear and school this long. He can manage another month or two.

 

[LittleDudesMom]

I'm with the others that say tread carefully and slowly.

I would give him back privilages a little at a time. Perhaps the truck can be used to and from work only. If he is wanting to socialize after work, he needs to return the truck home first. He is 18 and living in your home. Hopefully he understands that you guys are calling the shots.

Since he's just been home a couple days, I think I would wait it out a little. Too much too soon could be detrimental to him in the long run.

Sharon

 

[everywoman]

He is going back to program. He will not be living at home.

He did not ask for the truck. I asked if he could have it if I allowed him to take it. Right now he is paying a $20 fee for work transportation + $5 for each other trip, laundromat, grocery store, etc.

There is no public transportation in his area. His teeth are literally rotting out of his mouth, he has to get the work done soon. The ear has to be fixed ASAP so that victim's advocate will pay for it, and I am sure the plastic surgeon's bill will be expensive.

He has had days when he couldn't get to work because the van the program uses has broken down. He has not been able to get to voc rehab because of transportation issues. This would ensure that he could work, get to appts, etc. He would not be able to use anytime he wanted. Program director will hold keys unless he is using for work.

I have decided to do a trial of two weeks. If he doesn't follow rules, the truck will be brought back and sold. If he does, he will have another two week trial. It is better for him to work in two week increments right now.

 

[JJJ]

Sounds like a great plan. Glad to see he is making progress - two weeks at time can get you through a lifetime.

 

[amy4129]

Katmom,
Very reasonable.
Amy

 

[Sunlight]

the dental schools do work very low cost or free.
otherwise some offices like mine over interest free payment plans.
I would not let the teeth go too long. it leads to even more expense!