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Should we get difficult child a car?
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<blockquote data-quote="AppleCori" data-source="post: 591294" data-attributes="member: 16024"><p>Thanks for all the replies. Lots of good points made, and I want to address them in no particular order:</p><p></p><p>First, the bike or scooter idea: Last summer we gave him a bike that we had so he could get back and forth to work after he started calling regularly for rides home. He didn't want it, said he would just loose it, and he did, in short order. Lost, stolen, abandoned, loaned, pawned, I don't know which. </p><p></p><p>I'm not blaming the mom for not letting difficult child drive her car at all! Just put that out as info. I wouldn't let him drive mine either! He drove his dad's vehicles a lot when he lived here and didn't take care of them at all. Trashed would be a good description. </p><p></p><p>I wrote that mom won't let 17yo drive her car and that he is not on her insurance to point out that (in my con list) if we got difficult child a car, 17yo would expect to get a car also, and mom would not help out with gas, insurance, maintenance, repairs. Not that I blame her for that, either, just giving info so you would know that all those things would be on us, </p><p>which we are not willing to provide. Which brings me to my next point:</p><p></p><p>17yo won't get a job. He needs to get a job if he wants a car. The reason dad would consider helping him get a car is that his mom bought a house out of the school district and he has to wait at school till mom gets off work to get a ride home. He could get a ride here after school easily with a buddy, which he used to do, but then mom cut that off because she didn't want to pick him up from here. It is actually more convienient for her to pick him up from here than from the school, but she decided that she shouldn't let us see him 'for free' without having to do any driving and it wasn't her job to facilitate him visiting his dad. We do have him here and drive him home some, but not every school day. So, a car would be a good solution, but I guess 17yo doesn't want it bad enough to work for it. </p><p></p><p>We wouldn't co-sign or make payments on a car but would pay cash for a used one. However, difficult child would probably not treat it any better than the bike or previous vehicles he has had access to. And like many of the difficult child car stories on this thread, it would be an ongoing problem for us in one way or another. </p><p></p><p>Yes, it is a crazy thought, to even consider giving difficult child a car! We wouldn't have even thought about it if not for the grandchild. And the (misplaced) guilt dad feels sometimes.</p><p></p><p>But then the thought of facilitating a drug-addicted difficult child to get behind the wheel wipes that guilt away.</p><p></p><p>I liked what someone said about no car ever making a difficult child into a easy child. So true!</p><p></p><p>No, we will not be giving difficult child a car or anything else. At least not until he demonstrates that he has changed.</p><p></p><p>Thanks for all your advice!</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="AppleCori, post: 591294, member: 16024"] Thanks for all the replies. Lots of good points made, and I want to address them in no particular order: First, the bike or scooter idea: Last summer we gave him a bike that we had so he could get back and forth to work after he started calling regularly for rides home. He didn't want it, said he would just loose it, and he did, in short order. Lost, stolen, abandoned, loaned, pawned, I don't know which. I'm not blaming the mom for not letting difficult child drive her car at all! Just put that out as info. I wouldn't let him drive mine either! He drove his dad's vehicles a lot when he lived here and didn't take care of them at all. Trashed would be a good description. I wrote that mom won't let 17yo drive her car and that he is not on her insurance to point out that (in my con list) if we got difficult child a car, 17yo would expect to get a car also, and mom would not help out with gas, insurance, maintenance, repairs. Not that I blame her for that, either, just giving info so you would know that all those things would be on us, which we are not willing to provide. Which brings me to my next point: 17yo won't get a job. He needs to get a job if he wants a car. The reason dad would consider helping him get a car is that his mom bought a house out of the school district and he has to wait at school till mom gets off work to get a ride home. He could get a ride here after school easily with a buddy, which he used to do, but then mom cut that off because she didn't want to pick him up from here. It is actually more convienient for her to pick him up from here than from the school, but she decided that she shouldn't let us see him 'for free' without having to do any driving and it wasn't her job to facilitate him visiting his dad. We do have him here and drive him home some, but not every school day. So, a car would be a good solution, but I guess 17yo doesn't want it bad enough to work for it. We wouldn't co-sign or make payments on a car but would pay cash for a used one. However, difficult child would probably not treat it any better than the bike or previous vehicles he has had access to. And like many of the difficult child car stories on this thread, it would be an ongoing problem for us in one way or another. Yes, it is a crazy thought, to even consider giving difficult child a car! We wouldn't have even thought about it if not for the grandchild. And the (misplaced) guilt dad feels sometimes. But then the thought of facilitating a drug-addicted difficult child to get behind the wheel wipes that guilt away. I liked what someone said about no car ever making a difficult child into a easy child. So true! No, we will not be giving difficult child a car or anything else. At least not until he demonstrates that he has changed. Thanks for all your advice! [/QUOTE]
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