Sick of the same battles

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by flutterby, Apr 26, 2010.

  1. flutterby

    flutterby Fly away!

    difficult child cut out the Remeron and now she's melting down. She needs two AD's to manage her anxiety.

    I'm so sick of fighting her on this. She did the same thing with the Trazadone. Doing well, cuts one out, then wham. And then she expects me to sit up with her all night and do her angst thing. After the psychiatric hospital she told me she needed a parent, not a doctor (she said I'm just a doctor in this house), so I'm being the parent and telling her she has to take the Remeron and she tells me she needs a "supportive" parent. I have been extremely supportive.

    I put the pill on the table with a bottle of water and she refused to take it, so I refuse to listen to her angst and sent her to her room (which is where she should be anyway - sleeping, which is why she is supposed to be on Remeron in the first place, in addition to helping with anxiety).

    And my sleeping medications were just kicking in when she started, and this episode put a kabosh on it.
  2. susiestar

    susiestar Roll With It

    I'm sorry. I know how frustrating it is when your sleeping medications are just starting to work and then you get dragged fully awake and then cannot get to sleep and cannot take more medications. Grrrrr....

    WHY did she cut the medications out? What does she want to happen, more misery and angst and ???? Are the medications making her feel strange?

    I am glad you refused to listen to her angst. I think that is a good way to handle it right now. What are you prepared to take away if she refuses to take her medications? To give if she takes them?

    Part of it should be NO sympathy or middle of the night help for her angst and anxiety. It seems harsh, but she knows how to help. Refusing to help yourself is just not OK when the problem interferes in your life the way her anxiety does.

    As for the "supportive parent" garbage, ignore it. You ARE being supportive when you insist she take her medications. I would listen to see if the medications cause side effects, but other than that case, she needs to take her medications. This is one game I think you really NEED to fight her on. Without the medications she is incapable of having a decent life. You know the medications help in a way that nothing else can.

    One thing you might explain is that the anxiety is the result of a physical problem. NOTHING will help unless that physical problem is treated. She has the wrong amounts of chemicals in her brain. The medications make the chemicals in the brain be at the right level of effectiveness. She still needs therapy to deal with the "stinkin' thinkin'" that so many years of anxiety have created, but with-o the medications the therapy is useless. If she was short she wouldn't expect to get something from a top shelf with-o a stool or something to climb on, would she? The medications are her brain's stepstool.

    Maybe an explanation like that will help.

    Whatever you do, being a supportive parent means fighting for what your kid needs. Even if it is your kid you have to fight. Regardless of whatever your difficult child says.

    Many gentle hugs. Does she see the therapist soon?

    I just thought of this. What would she say if she saw video of herself going through all the angst/anxiety and of herself on medications? Is there a visible difference that might help her SEE the need for the medications? Showing her yelling and crying and being unable to cope vs her laughing and getting along with others ? Would it be an eyeopener?
  3. KTMom91

    KTMom91 Well-Known Member

    Many hugs. Hope you were able to get some rest anyway. Did she ever settle down, or just keep on with her angst all night?
  4. flutterby

    flutterby Fly away!

    She cried in her room for about an hour and then I didn't hear anything else. This morning I told her she's taking the Remeron tonight and she said ok. We'll see.
  5. totoro

    totoro Mom? What's a GFG?

    It's too bad you couldn't have a therapist come spend a couple of days at the house with her and you to work with her. Have you completely out of the picture and force her to "deal" with it. Like in hoarders!
    They would work through each issues and make her see how she is reacting and how she is sabotaging herself.
    Our therapist has offered to do this with N and some of her Anxieties that cause her to shut down, but we have been able to work on them so far... kind of.

    And it is WAY TOO expensive. I wish! LOL
    Try to be good to yourself and remember to take care of you through this.
  6. CrazyinVA

    CrazyinVA Well-Known Member Staff Member

    I know this is very frustrating. Oldest used to wake me up in the night quite often when she lived with me, either because of pain or simply because she "couldn't sleep. What if you simply said to her, "you have two choices: take your Remeron, and sleep/relax, or don't take it, and don't sleep/stay anxious. If you choose to stay anxious, that's on you, not me. No skin off my back, I know *I'm* going to sleep tonight."
  7. flutterby

    flutterby Fly away!

    CVA - that is essentially what I told her. I told her that she is not helping herself, so I am not going to spend all night doing the angst thing.