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Sigh....difficult child friend's. Never could stand them
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<blockquote data-quote="SuZir" data-source="post: 636147" data-attributes="member: 14557"><p>Hi!</p><p></p><p>I'm sorry to say, but for me it seems you are taking this too personal and letting yourself get riled up. Try to take a step back and breath, not act on emotion but instead for example put things on paper, give them some thought and draw boundaries based on that, when you are calm.</p><p></p><p>What this girl did when she was 14, well... She was a child in horrible situation, you don't keep child in situation like that accountable of if they are able to express their plight or not. You were not equals at that time, she was a child, you were an adult. Let that one go.</p><p></p><p>However, now is now. She too is young adult like your daughter now. I assume you are not living in mansion, so your daughter's guests do affect to your life too. If you have mental health issues, I'm sure you need your home to be a safe place and place to rest. Even the most amiable house guests tend to take that away. So it is perfectly reasonable that you and your daughter sit down together, when you are both calm, and come up with rules for guests you can both live with. Maybe something like no overnight guests without talking about it beforehand and only seldom to begin with (for example you can allow it, when her friend from other city comes for a two night visit or something like that and not allow local friends stay the night.) Decide what time you want your house to be empty of guests at the evening, what kind of things your daughter can offer them food wise and what not and so on.</p><p></p><p>Don't try to be friends with her friends or interact with them much if they are not looking for it. Just say hi and let them be. If you find them irritating but they are behaving within the rules you have set up to your daughter, maybe go and take a walk. Or go to your bedroom with a good book and headphones. </p><p></p><p>Don't place much expectations for your relationship with your daughter's friends. They are her friends, as long as they don't bother you too much, that is enough. </p><p></p><p>Both my kids, well mostly easy child because difficult child had so few friends, have had friends whom I don't like much. Heck, difficult child had a serious relationship and was living with a girl I really didn't like and of course at times they visited our place too. We have some house rules and our boys are responsible to make sure that people they invite to our house follow those rules, but that is it. If I don't like an attitude (yes, some of their friends have been disrespectful), smell (yes really, one of easy child's friends reeks for some horrible aftershave and gives me a headache) or whatever of some of the friends I just stay away as long as they are behaving within those rules we have. If they aren't I will ask my son, whose guest it is, aside and remind him about the rules and let them deal with it. It has been only once or twice during the years I have needed to intervene directly and tell the guest to leave.</p><p></p><p>But just now, try to calm down and not make it conflict while your emotions are high. Think it through and have a serious conversation about the house rules with your daughter, when you are both calm.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="SuZir, post: 636147, member: 14557"] Hi! I'm sorry to say, but for me it seems you are taking this too personal and letting yourself get riled up. Try to take a step back and breath, not act on emotion but instead for example put things on paper, give them some thought and draw boundaries based on that, when you are calm. What this girl did when she was 14, well... She was a child in horrible situation, you don't keep child in situation like that accountable of if they are able to express their plight or not. You were not equals at that time, she was a child, you were an adult. Let that one go. However, now is now. She too is young adult like your daughter now. I assume you are not living in mansion, so your daughter's guests do affect to your life too. If you have mental health issues, I'm sure you need your home to be a safe place and place to rest. Even the most amiable house guests tend to take that away. So it is perfectly reasonable that you and your daughter sit down together, when you are both calm, and come up with rules for guests you can both live with. Maybe something like no overnight guests without talking about it beforehand and only seldom to begin with (for example you can allow it, when her friend from other city comes for a two night visit or something like that and not allow local friends stay the night.) Decide what time you want your house to be empty of guests at the evening, what kind of things your daughter can offer them food wise and what not and so on. Don't try to be friends with her friends or interact with them much if they are not looking for it. Just say hi and let them be. If you find them irritating but they are behaving within the rules you have set up to your daughter, maybe go and take a walk. Or go to your bedroom with a good book and headphones. Don't place much expectations for your relationship with your daughter's friends. They are her friends, as long as they don't bother you too much, that is enough. Both my kids, well mostly easy child because difficult child had so few friends, have had friends whom I don't like much. Heck, difficult child had a serious relationship and was living with a girl I really didn't like and of course at times they visited our place too. We have some house rules and our boys are responsible to make sure that people they invite to our house follow those rules, but that is it. If I don't like an attitude (yes, some of their friends have been disrespectful), smell (yes really, one of easy child's friends reeks for some horrible aftershave and gives me a headache) or whatever of some of the friends I just stay away as long as they are behaving within those rules we have. If they aren't I will ask my son, whose guest it is, aside and remind him about the rules and let them deal with it. It has been only once or twice during the years I have needed to intervene directly and tell the guest to leave. But just now, try to calm down and not make it conflict while your emotions are high. Think it through and have a serious conversation about the house rules with your daughter, when you are both calm. [/QUOTE]
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Sigh....difficult child friend's. Never could stand them
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