Forums
New posts
Search forums
What's new
New posts
New profile posts
Latest activity
Internet Search
Members
Current visitors
New profile posts
Search profile posts
Log in
Register
What's new
Search
Search
Search titles only
By:
New posts
Search forums
Menu
Log in
Register
Install the app
Install
Forums
General Discussions
The Watercooler
Since the party....sorry, long
JavaScript is disabled. For a better experience, please enable JavaScript in your browser before proceeding.
You are using an out of date browser. It may not display this or other websites correctly.
You should upgrade or use an
alternative browser
.
Reply to thread
Message
<blockquote data-quote="Marguerite" data-source="post: 359549" data-attributes="member: 1991"><p>Shari, the reason there is so much of tis stuff surrounding this family - they wrap themselves up in it. They do it to themselves. Do not feel guilty.</p><p></p><p>It is possible to simply shut up about stuff and keep the peace, but you do not have to lower your own standards. For example, husband & I used to go to various parties with his relatives, or with friends of ours at uni. But whenever the drugs came out, we left. The one time we couldn't leave, when we were staying the night at the kids house while the parents (including husband's) all stayed in the town, we locked ourselves in one of the bedrooms. Of course we know they were talking about us and claiming we were locked in the bedroom for more obvious reasons, but we had absented ourselves and frankly, had stopped caring what the family thought. We had told husband's sister where we were and why; she wouldn't leave the party with us although we wanted her to. We told her how to knock on the door and to feel free to come in when she felt a bit overwhelmed. She did, fairly soon after. Since then - we are still friends with those cousins who were into the drugs, but we've never trusted them.</p><p></p><p>As for you still being friends with the ex and her being angry about it, then her saying she is going to take cultured difficult child with her interstate - I think she's trying to get at you and say, "See? I can play that game too!" which means she doesn't get it and probably never will.</p><p></p><p>You got on well before, because things were going how she wanted them. A lot of people are like this - pleasant while you are all in agreement, but vicious when things stop going smoothly.</p><p></p><p>The best thing you can do is insulate yourself from the nastiness. Don't let it hook you in to any extent. Maintain your standards on your home turf. Respect other people's turf even if it is not to your standards. If you find this conflicts, reduce your exposure to the lowest level tolerable. Then grit your teeth, nod and smile when you have to put up with them. But if they begin to transgress on your turf - let them know they're out of line.</p><p>For example, the "you spoil that boy with that toy" is out of line. It was YOUR choice to let him have it. You were on YOUR turf. You do not owe them any explanation. Besides, you can make one of those things form the kitchen, really easily. I never bought one, I always made my own. You just need sodium bicarbonate and cheap vinegar. A bottle with a cork, a twist of paper to put the sodium bicarbonate into, and to demonstrate Newton's Third Law, a couple of round pencils to sit the bottle on (to observe the recoil).</p><p></p><p>So you don't have to be rude to them when they say, "You spoil that boy." You simply point out, "We chose this. Besides, they are having fun together and they are learning. This is our place, we make our decisions together."</p><p></p><p>Some people, especially some parents, feel they are not being parental unless they are criticising. This is them being parental and showing you guidance. You need to watch to make sure husband doesn't dish out the same learned behaviour.</p><p></p><p>Marg</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Marguerite, post: 359549, member: 1991"] Shari, the reason there is so much of tis stuff surrounding this family - they wrap themselves up in it. They do it to themselves. Do not feel guilty. It is possible to simply shut up about stuff and keep the peace, but you do not have to lower your own standards. For example, husband & I used to go to various parties with his relatives, or with friends of ours at uni. But whenever the drugs came out, we left. The one time we couldn't leave, when we were staying the night at the kids house while the parents (including husband's) all stayed in the town, we locked ourselves in one of the bedrooms. Of course we know they were talking about us and claiming we were locked in the bedroom for more obvious reasons, but we had absented ourselves and frankly, had stopped caring what the family thought. We had told husband's sister where we were and why; she wouldn't leave the party with us although we wanted her to. We told her how to knock on the door and to feel free to come in when she felt a bit overwhelmed. She did, fairly soon after. Since then - we are still friends with those cousins who were into the drugs, but we've never trusted them. As for you still being friends with the ex and her being angry about it, then her saying she is going to take cultured difficult child with her interstate - I think she's trying to get at you and say, "See? I can play that game too!" which means she doesn't get it and probably never will. You got on well before, because things were going how she wanted them. A lot of people are like this - pleasant while you are all in agreement, but vicious when things stop going smoothly. The best thing you can do is insulate yourself from the nastiness. Don't let it hook you in to any extent. Maintain your standards on your home turf. Respect other people's turf even if it is not to your standards. If you find this conflicts, reduce your exposure to the lowest level tolerable. Then grit your teeth, nod and smile when you have to put up with them. But if they begin to transgress on your turf - let them know they're out of line. For example, the "you spoil that boy with that toy" is out of line. It was YOUR choice to let him have it. You were on YOUR turf. You do not owe them any explanation. Besides, you can make one of those things form the kitchen, really easily. I never bought one, I always made my own. You just need sodium bicarbonate and cheap vinegar. A bottle with a cork, a twist of paper to put the sodium bicarbonate into, and to demonstrate Newton's Third Law, a couple of round pencils to sit the bottle on (to observe the recoil). So you don't have to be rude to them when they say, "You spoil that boy." You simply point out, "We chose this. Besides, they are having fun together and they are learning. This is our place, we make our decisions together." Some people, especially some parents, feel they are not being parental unless they are criticising. This is them being parental and showing you guidance. You need to watch to make sure husband doesn't dish out the same learned behaviour. Marg [/QUOTE]
Insert quotes…
Verification
Post reply
Forums
General Discussions
The Watercooler
Since the party....sorry, long
Top