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Substance Abuse
So confused
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<blockquote data-quote="susiestar" data-source="post: 509753" data-attributes="member: 1233"><p>Welcome! First of all, my experience comes as the sister of a sub abuser and the daughter of adult children of alcoholics and being the adult granddau of an alcoholic. So take my advice for however it can help you and ignore what doesn't help. I promise you won't offend me.</p><p></p><p>You are a great mom. It took my folks almost 2 decades to see that my bro had a problem. What you do or don't do is not the problem. As Kathy said, you didn't cause it, can't controli t and can't fix it. One of the things you CAN do is go to alanon and/or narcanon. When the family gets help it makes it more likely for the addict to get help. This is a family disease because it does change everyone in the family, not just the addict.</p><p></p><p>I would get rid of the car. I also would NOT drive him to school and would let him know that since his friends can buy his drugs and drive him to parties/raves/whatever, they can also take him to school. No school, less than good grades, then get a job that is full time and one that you approve of (meaning not a bouncer or whatever - yes, at 19 there are clubs he could do this in and it is mostly a shift of partying from what I have been told by those who had that job) or he has 30 days to get out, less if he is violent or damages property. If he wants a car he can get a job and save up to buy one. He can walk or get rides if he needs them - he sure has no trouble gettng to parties, Know what I mean?? </p><p></p><p>I also would call the police if I smelled pot in/on my property or even thought I saw it. Yes, it probably would end up in criminal charges for hm, but that is a result of HIS choice and NOT of yours. YOU didn't choose to use drugs or store them on your property. </p><p></p><p>Whatever you choose to do, (((((hugs)))))</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="susiestar, post: 509753, member: 1233"] Welcome! First of all, my experience comes as the sister of a sub abuser and the daughter of adult children of alcoholics and being the adult granddau of an alcoholic. So take my advice for however it can help you and ignore what doesn't help. I promise you won't offend me. You are a great mom. It took my folks almost 2 decades to see that my bro had a problem. What you do or don't do is not the problem. As Kathy said, you didn't cause it, can't controli t and can't fix it. One of the things you CAN do is go to alanon and/or narcanon. When the family gets help it makes it more likely for the addict to get help. This is a family disease because it does change everyone in the family, not just the addict. I would get rid of the car. I also would NOT drive him to school and would let him know that since his friends can buy his drugs and drive him to parties/raves/whatever, they can also take him to school. No school, less than good grades, then get a job that is full time and one that you approve of (meaning not a bouncer or whatever - yes, at 19 there are clubs he could do this in and it is mostly a shift of partying from what I have been told by those who had that job) or he has 30 days to get out, less if he is violent or damages property. If he wants a car he can get a job and save up to buy one. He can walk or get rides if he needs them - he sure has no trouble gettng to parties, Know what I mean?? I also would call the police if I smelled pot in/on my property or even thought I saw it. Yes, it probably would end up in criminal charges for hm, but that is a result of HIS choice and NOT of yours. YOU didn't choose to use drugs or store them on your property. Whatever you choose to do, (((((hugs))))) [/QUOTE]
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