So discouraged - having trouble coping

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by IT1967, Jan 15, 2013.

  1. IT1967

    IT1967 Member

    I am so distraught about everything with-difficult child 1. We've been on the Risperidone since 12/1. While we've seen some improvements, they're not nearly what I'd hoped for. I know I've mentioned here before how absolutely sick I am about difficult child 1 being on this medication. I'm worried about her gaining tons of weight and I don't think the results we're getting are worth it. We also added in Concerta per doctors. recommendation at the end of December. (I know some of you expressed concern about the dr. adding a second medication so quickly). Again, I just don't see huge changes. We are finally going back to the psychiatrist on Thursday. I think I made a mistake choosing to try the ADHD medication over the anxiety medication. Also, we see our therapist, who I really do like and trust, only once a month. She simply has no more time available for us. I *have got* to change counsellors and don't even know who to try. I dumped my pediatrician and am starting with-a new one because my old one was callous to our problems and did NOTHING to help us. She truly could've cared less about us. So we don't see the new one until end of February. On advice here, I have started her in Occupational Therapist (OT) at a place I take easy child/difficult child 2 to for speech. I really like the place and the Occupational Therapist (OT) and difficult child 1 goes for 2nd appointment. tomorrow. That was a great idea, so thank you to those of you here who suggested it. Things at school are marginally better, but there is still a lot of crying over ridiculously small issues and anger over unfair treatment by the teacher, etc... but the difference is difficult child 1 can recover more quickly from them than before the medication. I know this teacher is trying really hard. And I know the issues that are upsetting difficult child 1 are ridiculous. The worst most heartbreaking thing is watching my difficult child 1 slowly alienating friends and having friends drop her. I felt sick today when I picked her up from Girl Scouts. All the kids were happy and playing and just normal. My difficult child 1 was angry and upset and had acted out because she wanted help on a project from some of the other girls and noone helped her. Honestly, the way she gets when she's upset and bothered (which is all the time) is a complete turn-off to people. I don't blame them for not wanting to be with-her. I just want my children to be normal. I want to have a normal family existence. I want to be able to do fun things and make plans with-friends with-o feeling sick with-dread that one of my kids is going to flip out or be avoided by their peers. And sadly things with easy child/difficult child 2 aren't exactly peachy. He's still having similar issues to difficult child 1, but he's much better socially adjusted and able to function fairly well at school, so we've been focused more on difficult child 1. Our therapist can't see easy child/difficult child 2 very often either. I'm depressed and not handling the fact that things may never change with-them. I am just not able to mentally accept how things are. I *KNOW* they can't control it, but I'm angry that they just can't learn to cope with-s&&i^% better. I feel that finding this board has been a blessing and a curse. It's a relief to be able to talk these things out with-people who are in the trenches where I am. But on the other hand, I'm so depressed reading many of the posts from people in the same boat as me, years into this journey - medications don't work great, problems still there year after year. It's been this way since birth for my kids, and I still haven't come to terms with the way things are.
  2. JJJ

    JJJ Active Member

    (((Hugs))) The lost dream of what we thought our families would be like is so very painful. I wish I had some advice but I'm pretty down about it right now too. Well, misery loves company so I'll be sad with you.
  3. Wiped Out

    Wiped Out Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Sending gentle hugs your way. Coming to terms is difficult. Over the years I think I am getting better at coming to terms and often I am pleasantly surprised. difficult child will always be a major difficult child and don't know what life holds for him (he will always need support) but I do know I am seeing progress. We were on the medication roller coaster for years but we are seeing progress and medication changes are much rarer now in the past.

    Be gentle with yourself.
  4. cubsgirl

    cubsgirl Well-Known Member

    I'm still trying to come to terms too. ((hugs))
  5. TerryJ2

    TerryJ2 Well-Known Member

    I hear you.

    It comes and goes. Not every day is like this. Really.

    But I'll sit and listen while you vent. Our lives seldom turn out the way we anticipated.
  6. buddy

    buddy New Member

    Gentle hugs, it is ok to be sad for them and for you sometimes. There are people out there who really get it. I met friends in adapted sports programs thru community education. They are soccer or baseball programs (etc.) that are for kids with any kind of social issue or special need....there was even adapted art classes. From there I could go with them as friends and not worry if q couldn't handle things well. It is not a parenting experience like my parents or sisters have but q is never gonna get busted having a party when I'm gone for a business trip so some typical issues I get a pass on!
    The gift in this? When things go well, when they make the smallest success or say a funny thing it is such a sweet victory. Nothing compares to that high. That's why we often all get choked up here when we hear about the better days. Typical parents have proud parent days but what we feel, almost doesn't have a word to describe it.

    Be kind to yourself and try to find something to laugh about each day if you can.......we are here for you!
  7. InsaneCdn

    InsaneCdn Well-Known Member

    Buddy... I love that post... (no like button??!)
  8. TeDo

    TeDo CD Hall of Fame

    I hear you, too. I had such high hopes for my kids when they were little and dreamed frequestly about what they were going to be when they grew up. As they've gotten older, I tought difficult child 1 was going to end up a juvenile delinquent and a couple medications (Risperdal was one of them) actually made it WORSE. I have had to give myself permission to grieve what might never be and celebrate things that other parents take for granted. Except for the parents here, I don't know any parent that would celebrate when their child "learned" another social skill that comes normally to NT kids. The reason I celebrate is because I had given up hope that he'd ever be able to do it. I celebrate because that is one step closer to NT, not that he'll ever get there.

    I have no social life. My life is my kids. I don't go anywhere because I'm afraid one will kill the other. Because of where those medications took difficult child 1, it became a very real possibility that I still can't quite shake now that he's off them and doing well.

    Grieve the loss but their only hope for a life is you. Keep digging. Change professionals as often as you need to until you find one that works WITH you. We've seen 8-9 psychiatrists already and still don't have the perfect one but each is a little better than the last.



    I am exactly where you are now but for some reason - may be my depression - I can't even write much of what's happening so that I can get the support and advice I need. There is just so much WRONG. I feel for all of us.
  10. TerryJ2

    TerryJ2 Well-Known Member

    Hugs to you, too, StressedtoMax.:consoling::Grouphug: