I hear you, too. I had such high hopes for my kids when they were little and dreamed frequestly about what they were going to be when they grew up. As they've gotten older, I tought difficult child 1 was going to end up a juvenile delinquent and a couple medications (Risperdal was one of them) actually made it WORSE. I have had to give myself permission to grieve what might never be and celebrate things that other parents take for granted. Except for the parents here, I don't know any parent that would celebrate when their child "learned" another social skill that comes normally to NT kids. The reason I celebrate is because I had given up hope that he'd ever be able to do it. I celebrate because that is one step closer to NT, not that he'll ever get there.
I have no social life. My life is my kids. I don't go anywhere because I'm afraid one will kill the other. Because of where those medications took difficult child 1, it became a very real possibility that I still can't quite shake now that he's off them and doing well.
Grieve the loss but their only hope for a life is you. Keep digging. Change professionals as often as you need to until you find one that works WITH you. We've seen 8-9 psychiatrists already and still don't have the perfect one but each is a little better than the last.
{{{{HUGS}}}}