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Substance Abuse
So exactly how do you let go?
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<blockquote data-quote="toughlovin" data-source="post: 553374"><p>It is very hard and it is a process. I think the thing to remember is that letting go does not mean you have to stop loving them because that is impossible. For me it means setting limits, not taking abusive behavior, and only doing the things that feel right to me AND finding ways to take care of myself, move on with my life, and not be totally obsessed with what he is doing. All of that is at times easier said than done and it is easier some times than other times.</p><p></p><p>It is easier for me to let go when I am angry, much harder when I am scared or sad. Yesterday I was scared and upset and obsessed. Today I am doing better and not so obsessed.</p><p></p><p>Everyone is different and what is right for one might not be for another and a lot can depend on your relationship. For example I always take and respond to text messages and phone calls... but my difficult child does not call me incessantly, in fact he often does not call me at all which I find difficult. When he had a phone I would text him now and then to let him know I was around and loved him. Now I am sending him some messages through FB which I know he is getting and sometimes he responds to them. However if he gets verbally abusive to me on the phone I say goodbye and hang up. No reason to take that. I am getting better at seeing through his manipulation as well.</p><p></p><p>So it is a process.... there is no one way or wrong way. My goal is to keep letting my son know we love him, but to not enable him to continue on his self destructive path... and so he is homeless and he is all the way across the country right now.</p><p></p><p>TL</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="toughlovin, post: 553374"] It is very hard and it is a process. I think the thing to remember is that letting go does not mean you have to stop loving them because that is impossible. For me it means setting limits, not taking abusive behavior, and only doing the things that feel right to me AND finding ways to take care of myself, move on with my life, and not be totally obsessed with what he is doing. All of that is at times easier said than done and it is easier some times than other times. It is easier for me to let go when I am angry, much harder when I am scared or sad. Yesterday I was scared and upset and obsessed. Today I am doing better and not so obsessed. Everyone is different and what is right for one might not be for another and a lot can depend on your relationship. For example I always take and respond to text messages and phone calls... but my difficult child does not call me incessantly, in fact he often does not call me at all which I find difficult. When he had a phone I would text him now and then to let him know I was around and loved him. Now I am sending him some messages through FB which I know he is getting and sometimes he responds to them. However if he gets verbally abusive to me on the phone I say goodbye and hang up. No reason to take that. I am getting better at seeing through his manipulation as well. So it is a process.... there is no one way or wrong way. My goal is to keep letting my son know we love him, but to not enable him to continue on his self destructive path... and so he is homeless and he is all the way across the country right now. TL [/QUOTE]
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So exactly how do you let go?
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