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<blockquote data-quote="Marguerite" data-source="post: 117377" data-attributes="member: 1991"><p>You said (when asked if he has hearing problems), "Not that I've noticed . . . he often claims he can;t hear things unless the volume is very loud, but I think that's more to annoy me."</p><p></p><p>It's quite likely that when he's concentrating on something, he shuts down all other input until he's finished what he's doing. I know I used to do that. difficult child 1 did it BIG time. Also, interrupting can provoke a rage. So there you are, trying to let him know dinner is on the table, you have to actually go up to him and tap him on the shoulder because he's not responding when you call, and he finally responds angrily. I understand the frustration. But from experience - you need to NOT respond with anger, it only makes the problem worse.</p><p>Get the book. It will help.</p><p></p><p>Concerning his work - it sounds to me like his organisation skills are very poor. He needs your help with this, but if you said this to him he would deny it, try to say there is no problem. The sort of lies he is telling - they are natural, for a kid who is trying to stay out of trouble. Don't fret about the lies, it's far more important to work on what is causing them - his failure to do the work. Getting angry at the lies as well is only adding to his anxiety. And yes, I suspect he also has a lot of anxiety and maybe even some depression - inertia, difficulty in getting started on work, is another symptom of depression. And a really bright kid at school - it would be surprising if he was NOT depressed at some stage.</p><p></p><p>It's stressful being a kid. it's even more stressful being a bright kid - you feel so powerless, you can see problems in the world that people seem to not care about, but you are a kid and nobody wants to pay any attention to you or even properly answer your questions.</p><p>I admit I'm digging back into my own childhood memories for this, but I also saw similar things with my kids.</p><p></p><p>I strongly urge you to get to a point with him (the book will help) where you can sit with him and talk about what he thinks the problem is, and how best to deal with it. Denial is not going to work - and he seems to be using procrastination and denial to cope at the moment (with an unhealthy dose of panic underlying it). Explain to him that you want to help him find a way to not have to feel that panic and anxiety. There are ways, even without medications. it just means letting you help him stay on task.</p><p></p><p>And how do you do it? You need to know about any and all homework set, as soon as it has been set. You need the teacher's cooperation for this. If he tells you as well - great! But the task is to fix his poor organisation skills.</p><p>So when you know what he has to do, you sit with him and brainstorm it. break the task up - use a computer diary if necessary, to set smaller sub-deadlines. "So you have to do a project poster on Japan - it is due next Wednesday. You have a week exactly. So from now until Friday, you will research, gather information and pictures. On Friday we will go to the library. I will buy the cardboard and glue so that over the weekend we can set up a work station and you and I can be in the same room each working on our own projects at the same time. I will be scrapbooking the family photo album, so if you want to use any of my paper offcuts or stamps, they will all be available. We can have fun working side by side."</p><p>He might cut in with, "But I wanted to visit Josh on Saturday."</p><p>You respond with, "We can work in the morning until lunchtime and if you feel you have done enough, you can go to Josh's house in the afternoon knowing your work is done - that will be a really good feeling for you."</p><p>Your target - to get the poster finished by Sunday evening; sooner, if possible.</p><p>"But it's not due until Wednesday!"</p><p>"We aim for Sunday, because on the other nights you have your usual routine and doing a project breaks into that routine. It also buys you a bit more time so you won't feel so panicked. If you can't finish by Sunday because you haven't got the right pen to do the heading, then at least everything else is done and you can get the pen after school on Monday and do the heading then."</p><p></p><p>You get the picture?</p><p></p><p>My mother never had time or energy to help me this way. She thought, because I was bright, I would also be able to work independently. Not so. She also felt incapable of helping me, because she had left school at 12. But she was a smart woman who taught herself more than most people ever learn academically.</p><p></p><p>God luck with him. He is getting into bad habits that need breaking.</p><p></p><p>Marg</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Marguerite, post: 117377, member: 1991"] You said (when asked if he has hearing problems), "Not that I've noticed . . . he often claims he can;t hear things unless the volume is very loud, but I think that's more to annoy me." It's quite likely that when he's concentrating on something, he shuts down all other input until he's finished what he's doing. I know I used to do that. difficult child 1 did it BIG time. Also, interrupting can provoke a rage. So there you are, trying to let him know dinner is on the table, you have to actually go up to him and tap him on the shoulder because he's not responding when you call, and he finally responds angrily. I understand the frustration. But from experience - you need to NOT respond with anger, it only makes the problem worse. Get the book. It will help. Concerning his work - it sounds to me like his organisation skills are very poor. He needs your help with this, but if you said this to him he would deny it, try to say there is no problem. The sort of lies he is telling - they are natural, for a kid who is trying to stay out of trouble. Don't fret about the lies, it's far more important to work on what is causing them - his failure to do the work. Getting angry at the lies as well is only adding to his anxiety. And yes, I suspect he also has a lot of anxiety and maybe even some depression - inertia, difficulty in getting started on work, is another symptom of depression. And a really bright kid at school - it would be surprising if he was NOT depressed at some stage. It's stressful being a kid. it's even more stressful being a bright kid - you feel so powerless, you can see problems in the world that people seem to not care about, but you are a kid and nobody wants to pay any attention to you or even properly answer your questions. I admit I'm digging back into my own childhood memories for this, but I also saw similar things with my kids. I strongly urge you to get to a point with him (the book will help) where you can sit with him and talk about what he thinks the problem is, and how best to deal with it. Denial is not going to work - and he seems to be using procrastination and denial to cope at the moment (with an unhealthy dose of panic underlying it). Explain to him that you want to help him find a way to not have to feel that panic and anxiety. There are ways, even without medications. it just means letting you help him stay on task. And how do you do it? You need to know about any and all homework set, as soon as it has been set. You need the teacher's cooperation for this. If he tells you as well - great! But the task is to fix his poor organisation skills. So when you know what he has to do, you sit with him and brainstorm it. break the task up - use a computer diary if necessary, to set smaller sub-deadlines. "So you have to do a project poster on Japan - it is due next Wednesday. You have a week exactly. So from now until Friday, you will research, gather information and pictures. On Friday we will go to the library. I will buy the cardboard and glue so that over the weekend we can set up a work station and you and I can be in the same room each working on our own projects at the same time. I will be scrapbooking the family photo album, so if you want to use any of my paper offcuts or stamps, they will all be available. We can have fun working side by side." He might cut in with, "But I wanted to visit Josh on Saturday." You respond with, "We can work in the morning until lunchtime and if you feel you have done enough, you can go to Josh's house in the afternoon knowing your work is done - that will be a really good feeling for you." Your target - to get the poster finished by Sunday evening; sooner, if possible. "But it's not due until Wednesday!" "We aim for Sunday, because on the other nights you have your usual routine and doing a project breaks into that routine. It also buys you a bit more time so you won't feel so panicked. If you can't finish by Sunday because you haven't got the right pen to do the heading, then at least everything else is done and you can get the pen after school on Monday and do the heading then." You get the picture? My mother never had time or energy to help me this way. She thought, because I was bright, I would also be able to work independently. Not so. She also felt incapable of helping me, because she had left school at 12. But she was a smart woman who taught herself more than most people ever learn academically. God luck with him. He is getting into bad habits that need breaking. Marg [/QUOTE]
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