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SO has me upset and I don't know how to respond
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<blockquote data-quote="Childofmine" data-source="post: 618824" data-attributes="member: 17542"><p>My ex used to get real involved in what I ate. He would say: "do you really need to eat that? Are you eating that? (when I was obviously about to put a bite of it into my mouth? Etc." All with a frown on his face, squinting at the offending food item and then at me. I would blow up (from time to time) and say, you are not my father and please, make no comments about my food. Then, he stopped saying anything but the looks, body language, squinting were still going on. </p><p></p><p>Of course, me, being the mature person that I was, I would just eat more. So there. I'll show him. I'll eat two pieces of cake. Real bright, but that was my mindset.</p><p></p><p>Truth be told, I was so very hurt and felt rejected by that behavior. I am not overweight, but I would always like to lose 10 pounds. </p><p></p><p>It was part of the judgmental persona that operated at full tilt. I believe the person he judged most harshly was himself but I was a close second.</p><p></p><p>Today, I have better boundaries and I work hard to respect others' boundaries. Unfortunately, I can't do a thing about what anybody decides to do, including what they eat, how much they exercise, whether they should go to the doctor or not, and up to and including the drugs they take or don't take. </p><p></p><p>My SO and I have really good boundaries and demonstrate respect for each other. We give each other some space to be who we are. I work hard not to get into his business and he does the same. Actually, this has brought us much closer and we don't have many disagreements, even though we have a lot of differences in ourselves. This is the first time I have ever had healthy boundaries in an significant relationship and it is a gift and a joy and something worth protecting.</p><p></p><p>Boundary work is something you can both do, if you both are willing. It will improve your relationship immensely, if you want to stay together. </p><p></p><p>If you don't, it's hard to stay with someone who won't respect the fact that you are two adult separate human beings. </p><p></p><p>Hugs and warmth go to you today.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Childofmine, post: 618824, member: 17542"] My ex used to get real involved in what I ate. He would say: "do you really need to eat that? Are you eating that? (when I was obviously about to put a bite of it into my mouth? Etc." All with a frown on his face, squinting at the offending food item and then at me. I would blow up (from time to time) and say, you are not my father and please, make no comments about my food. Then, he stopped saying anything but the looks, body language, squinting were still going on. Of course, me, being the mature person that I was, I would just eat more. So there. I'll show him. I'll eat two pieces of cake. Real bright, but that was my mindset. Truth be told, I was so very hurt and felt rejected by that behavior. I am not overweight, but I would always like to lose 10 pounds. It was part of the judgmental persona that operated at full tilt. I believe the person he judged most harshly was himself but I was a close second. Today, I have better boundaries and I work hard to respect others' boundaries. Unfortunately, I can't do a thing about what anybody decides to do, including what they eat, how much they exercise, whether they should go to the doctor or not, and up to and including the drugs they take or don't take. My SO and I have really good boundaries and demonstrate respect for each other. We give each other some space to be who we are. I work hard not to get into his business and he does the same. Actually, this has brought us much closer and we don't have many disagreements, even though we have a lot of differences in ourselves. This is the first time I have ever had healthy boundaries in an significant relationship and it is a gift and a joy and something worth protecting. Boundary work is something you can both do, if you both are willing. It will improve your relationship immensely, if you want to stay together. If you don't, it's hard to stay with someone who won't respect the fact that you are two adult separate human beings. Hugs and warmth go to you today. [/QUOTE]
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SO has me upset and I don't know how to respond
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