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SO has me upset and I don't know how to respond
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<blockquote data-quote="susiestar" data-source="post: 619082" data-attributes="member: 1233"><p>You are worth more than this. Your KIDS are worth more than this. He may be a great friend, but he clearly is NOT the man you fell in like with, and while you say you love him, you do not say you are IN LOVE WITH HIM. There is a HUGE difference between the two. Until you truly believe, deep down, that you are worth more than this, you will settle for this.</p><p></p><p>What men are attracted to at first may be the body. It is NOT what they stay for, or what keeps a relationship going. You do NOT have to be a skinny little thing with big boobs and a cute ass for men to truly care for you and desire you. Trust me, I know more skinny women with great figures who don't have a man but want one than heavier, more ordinary looking women who are in committed, loving relationships that last for years. Of course some women of every body type are in each group, but if what the man really wants is that skinny but curvy body, he has little regard for the real woman inside EVERY woman's body. </p><p></p><p>A man should do more than pay part of the utility bills, spend some time with your kids, and take you out to eat on your birthday or whenever. He should show that he cares for you every single day.</p><p></p><p>My folks have been married since the mid sixties. To each other, first and only marriage for each of them. Boy have their bodies changed through the years, but their love has nothing to do with that and they have so much more between them. </p><p></p><p>My father would ask my mom if she was really going to eat that maybe twice. The first time she would say no, then chew it and spit it into a cup. That she would fill with coffee and serve to him. Or maybe a glass of water so he could see it and know it was not acceptable to say that to her. The second time, my mother would take every unhealthy food item out of the house. Even the candy he keeps in his desk drawer. which she does NOT get into, ever. No junk would be in the house because his remark CLEARLY shows he is concerned about healthy eating and a healthy lifestyle. (She would likely have a hard time keeping a straight face as she said this since my dad has maintained since I was a child that he is allergic to vegetables. He HATES healthy food with a passion.) He would have to endure this for WEEKS before she relented. This is the man who had a day of mourning when the Hostess BAkery Outlet closed here. He is retired so he cannot just keep the junk food at work anymore, either.</p><p></p><p>The problem isn't your weight, it is his controlling behavior. He clearly thinks he has you where he wants you, paying most of his bills and doing anything you can to please him. If he truly wanted to SUPPORT your weight loss, he would be supportive and tell you that you look great and he is proud of your hard work.</p><p></p><p>That isn't happening, is it? </p><p></p><p>The comment to the hot babe? In some ways it is 'guy talk', but it isn't okay IN YOUR RELATIONSHIP. That is the key. My parents have an agreement much like Janet and Tony. If certain people come knocking at the door, then terms will have to be discussed. Otherwise? Appreciate the art from at least arm's length. </p><p></p><p>If you an SO are going to stay together, you need to discuss this and set some terms. what is okay in your relationship, what isnt? I agree with DDD completely, but I also think you need to learn how to set boundaries. In addition to codependent no more, read Boundaries by Cloud and Townsend. PLEASE. It will change your life in amazing and wonderful ways.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="susiestar, post: 619082, member: 1233"] You are worth more than this. Your KIDS are worth more than this. He may be a great friend, but he clearly is NOT the man you fell in like with, and while you say you love him, you do not say you are IN LOVE WITH HIM. There is a HUGE difference between the two. Until you truly believe, deep down, that you are worth more than this, you will settle for this. What men are attracted to at first may be the body. It is NOT what they stay for, or what keeps a relationship going. You do NOT have to be a skinny little thing with big boobs and a cute ass for men to truly care for you and desire you. Trust me, I know more skinny women with great figures who don't have a man but want one than heavier, more ordinary looking women who are in committed, loving relationships that last for years. Of course some women of every body type are in each group, but if what the man really wants is that skinny but curvy body, he has little regard for the real woman inside EVERY woman's body. A man should do more than pay part of the utility bills, spend some time with your kids, and take you out to eat on your birthday or whenever. He should show that he cares for you every single day. My folks have been married since the mid sixties. To each other, first and only marriage for each of them. Boy have their bodies changed through the years, but their love has nothing to do with that and they have so much more between them. My father would ask my mom if she was really going to eat that maybe twice. The first time she would say no, then chew it and spit it into a cup. That she would fill with coffee and serve to him. Or maybe a glass of water so he could see it and know it was not acceptable to say that to her. The second time, my mother would take every unhealthy food item out of the house. Even the candy he keeps in his desk drawer. which she does NOT get into, ever. No junk would be in the house because his remark CLEARLY shows he is concerned about healthy eating and a healthy lifestyle. (She would likely have a hard time keeping a straight face as she said this since my dad has maintained since I was a child that he is allergic to vegetables. He HATES healthy food with a passion.) He would have to endure this for WEEKS before she relented. This is the man who had a day of mourning when the Hostess BAkery Outlet closed here. He is retired so he cannot just keep the junk food at work anymore, either. The problem isn't your weight, it is his controlling behavior. He clearly thinks he has you where he wants you, paying most of his bills and doing anything you can to please him. If he truly wanted to SUPPORT your weight loss, he would be supportive and tell you that you look great and he is proud of your hard work. That isn't happening, is it? The comment to the hot babe? In some ways it is 'guy talk', but it isn't okay IN YOUR RELATIONSHIP. That is the key. My parents have an agreement much like Janet and Tony. If certain people come knocking at the door, then terms will have to be discussed. Otherwise? Appreciate the art from at least arm's length. If you an SO are going to stay together, you need to discuss this and set some terms. what is okay in your relationship, what isnt? I agree with DDD completely, but I also think you need to learn how to set boundaries. In addition to codependent no more, read Boundaries by Cloud and Townsend. PLEASE. It will change your life in amazing and wonderful ways. [/QUOTE]
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SO has me upset and I don't know how to respond
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