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So, I talked to her...
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<blockquote data-quote="flutterbee" data-source="post: 138925"><p>Witz - </p><p></p><p>I'm glad you talked to L about this, but....</p><p></p><p>You let her argue with you too much. You let her get you to say that you would approach things more gently. Yet she's screaming at YOU, telling you that YOU overreact and telling YOU to F Off. </p><p></p><p>She takes advantage of you left and right. She is not concerned at all how you feel about it or how it effects you. She feels entitled. </p><p></p><p>I would take the words 'I feel' or 'it makes me feel' out of the conversation. Bottom line is it is inappropriate and unacceptable behavior. Period. You don't need to justify it. She's a big girl now. </p><p></p><p>I've found with my kids even at the ages 16 and 13 if I use the feelings words it's like an invitation for them to argue or debate it. When they do, I I stop and just start with the cold, hard facts: it's inappropriate, unacceptable, against the rules or whatever. And that's that. It is no longer up for discussion. They can like it or not. It's just the way it is.</p><p></p><p>You have every right to feel the way you do. You have no need to justify that to anyone. If she could hear your feelings on it without trying to manipulate and argue it would be one thing. Afterall, we would like our children to have some compassion and empathy for us. We would like our children to say, "Gee, Mom. I didn't realize you felt that way. I'll do X next time instead of Y." </p><p></p><p>But, she doesn't seem to be able to hear it without arguing and trying to turn it around on you. Which makes it sound like your feelings don't matter; only hers do.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="flutterbee, post: 138925"] Witz - I'm glad you talked to L about this, but.... You let her argue with you too much. You let her get you to say that you would approach things more gently. Yet she's screaming at YOU, telling you that YOU overreact and telling YOU to F Off. She takes advantage of you left and right. She is not concerned at all how you feel about it or how it effects you. She feels entitled. I would take the words 'I feel' or 'it makes me feel' out of the conversation. Bottom line is it is inappropriate and unacceptable behavior. Period. You don't need to justify it. She's a big girl now. I've found with my kids even at the ages 16 and 13 if I use the feelings words it's like an invitation for them to argue or debate it. When they do, I I stop and just start with the cold, hard facts: it's inappropriate, unacceptable, against the rules or whatever. And that's that. It is no longer up for discussion. They can like it or not. It's just the way it is. You have every right to feel the way you do. You have no need to justify that to anyone. If she could hear your feelings on it without trying to manipulate and argue it would be one thing. Afterall, we would like our children to have some compassion and empathy for us. We would like our children to say, "Gee, Mom. I didn't realize you felt that way. I'll do X next time instead of Y." But, she doesn't seem to be able to hear it without arguing and trying to turn it around on you. Which makes it sound like your feelings don't matter; only hers do. [/QUOTE]
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So, I talked to her...
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