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So much lying
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<blockquote data-quote="Childofmine" data-source="post: 685228" data-attributes="member: 17542"><p>Hi Endeaver we're glad you are here. </p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p>This is a huge step for you. When we set a boundary, they usually REALLY don't like it, so expect some pushback.</p><p></p><p>My Difficult Child also went off the rails the first semester in college. I had no idea what was going on at that time, but he basically flunked the whole first semester and lost his lottery scholarship. There was a lot of lying going on there as well. It took another year for me to learn what was really going on...drugs and alcohol for him.</p><p></p><p>He played soccer all four years in high school and I am sure, looking back, was drinking, but somehow he kept it between the lines. </p><p></p><p>Once the alcohol use and then pills ramped up, he went down pretty fast. </p><p></p><p>I kept on helping and helping, just like most of us do, and little by little I learned how to stop. </p><p></p><p>That doesn't mean that is going on with your son, but starting to set clear and simple boundaries is a good first step for you. It almost doesn't matter right now what the underlying reason is...what matters is his behavior. It's almost crazy how much people can keep secret. I drove myself nuts trying to figure out what in the world was wrong with him (anxiety, depression, isolation, more severe mental illness, pot, alcohol, pills, worse? ) </p><p></p><p>In the end, I barely knew the tip of the iceberg, and I still don't know a whole lot of things and frankly don't want to know. </p><p></p><p>You will find it out when you need to. In the meantime, kudos to you for taking this very big step. We're here for you, for support, ideas and encouragement. You are the only one who knows the whole story with him, so take what you like from us and leave the rest. That is perfectly fine, and we understand.</p><p></p><p>Warm hugs this Friday!</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Childofmine, post: 685228, member: 17542"] Hi Endeaver we're glad you are here. This is a huge step for you. When we set a boundary, they usually REALLY don't like it, so expect some pushback. My Difficult Child also went off the rails the first semester in college. I had no idea what was going on at that time, but he basically flunked the whole first semester and lost his lottery scholarship. There was a lot of lying going on there as well. It took another year for me to learn what was really going on...drugs and alcohol for him. He played soccer all four years in high school and I am sure, looking back, was drinking, but somehow he kept it between the lines. Once the alcohol use and then pills ramped up, he went down pretty fast. I kept on helping and helping, just like most of us do, and little by little I learned how to stop. That doesn't mean that is going on with your son, but starting to set clear and simple boundaries is a good first step for you. It almost doesn't matter right now what the underlying reason is...what matters is his behavior. It's almost crazy how much people can keep secret. I drove myself nuts trying to figure out what in the world was wrong with him (anxiety, depression, isolation, more severe mental illness, pot, alcohol, pills, worse? ) In the end, I barely knew the tip of the iceberg, and I still don't know a whole lot of things and frankly don't want to know. You will find it out when you need to. In the meantime, kudos to you for taking this very big step. We're here for you, for support, ideas and encouragement. You are the only one who knows the whole story with him, so take what you like from us and leave the rest. That is perfectly fine, and we understand. Warm hugs this Friday! [/QUOTE]
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So much lying
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