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Parent Emeritus
So tired,so sad, and sick of it all
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<blockquote data-quote="recoveringenabler" data-source="post: 639522" data-attributes="member: 13542"><p>Welcome Mom1. I'm sorry you're going through such a tough time with your daughter. You've certainly arrived at the right place here!</p><p></p><p>Others have given you stellar advice, do not continue to allow your daughter to abuse you, verbal abuse is still abuse. To the degree that you permit it, it will continue. It is disrespectful at best and abusive at it's worse.</p><p></p><p>You may want to read the article on detachment at the bottom of my post here. It may be helpful to you.</p><p></p><p>Your daughter sounds entitled. Entitlement brings with it manipulation and usually anger and resentment at the very people doing all the giving. It is a pattern. The only one who can change that pattern is YOU. Your daughter won't change it, it is to her advantage to continue with this bad behavior. You will need to set boundaries as the others have stated.</p><p></p><p>You needn't feel guilty for not wanting your daughter to come home, those of us here know what that feels like, most of us feel exactly the same way. The kids are troubled, demanding, manipulative, abusive, angry, depressed and usually their targets are US. It makes perfect sense that you would not want to go down that road again. Recognize that that is a normal, healthy response to the stressors your daughter brings.</p><p></p><p>Your daughter is an adult now, you have no control over her choices. However you have absolute control over your responses to her and what you permit. It is usually very important that we seek therapy, or some kind of professional support for ourselves, this is a very difficult path and it is made harder when we attempt to do it alone. With help from a therapist, or a group or some kind of supportive environment which works for you, you will receive the guidance, understanding, compassion, support and empathy you deserve. And, you will have a place to vent.</p><p>The support not only helps to meet OUR needs, in my experience it shortens the length of time we spend suffering over our kids and what we have no control over. Most of us need to build new guideposts because the guideposts we were using to parent no longer work. Finding and using new ones usually demands support and guidance. It's a whole new ballgame and we must learn the ropes.</p><p></p><p>I hope you stay and continue to post, it helps a lot. Hang in there, it will get better. Get yourself some support.........</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="recoveringenabler, post: 639522, member: 13542"] Welcome Mom1. I'm sorry you're going through such a tough time with your daughter. You've certainly arrived at the right place here! Others have given you stellar advice, do not continue to allow your daughter to abuse you, verbal abuse is still abuse. To the degree that you permit it, it will continue. It is disrespectful at best and abusive at it's worse. You may want to read the article on detachment at the bottom of my post here. It may be helpful to you. Your daughter sounds entitled. Entitlement brings with it manipulation and usually anger and resentment at the very people doing all the giving. It is a pattern. The only one who can change that pattern is YOU. Your daughter won't change it, it is to her advantage to continue with this bad behavior. You will need to set boundaries as the others have stated. You needn't feel guilty for not wanting your daughter to come home, those of us here know what that feels like, most of us feel exactly the same way. The kids are troubled, demanding, manipulative, abusive, angry, depressed and usually their targets are US. It makes perfect sense that you would not want to go down that road again. Recognize that that is a normal, healthy response to the stressors your daughter brings. Your daughter is an adult now, you have no control over her choices. However you have absolute control over your responses to her and what you permit. It is usually very important that we seek therapy, or some kind of professional support for ourselves, this is a very difficult path and it is made harder when we attempt to do it alone. With help from a therapist, or a group or some kind of supportive environment which works for you, you will receive the guidance, understanding, compassion, support and empathy you deserve. And, you will have a place to vent. The support not only helps to meet OUR needs, in my experience it shortens the length of time we spend suffering over our kids and what we have no control over. Most of us need to build new guideposts because the guideposts we were using to parent no longer work. Finding and using new ones usually demands support and guidance. It's a whole new ballgame and we must learn the ropes. I hope you stay and continue to post, it helps a lot. Hang in there, it will get better. Get yourself some support......... [/QUOTE]
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So tired,so sad, and sick of it all
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