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Parent Emeritus
So tired,so sad, and sick of it all
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<blockquote data-quote="witzend" data-source="post: 639549" data-attributes="member: 99"><p>Welcome, and I'm sorry that you find yourself in need of our help. But you have come to the right place. We all know how raw your nerves are, and in this forum, anyway, most of us have been through the "empty nest" stage, so we know that it is difficult in itself.</p><p></p><p>Are you seeing a therapist? I hope that you will. I was in the same position as disciplinarian with our kids, and my husband just didn't care that he needed to step in and allow me to be "Mom" from time to time. But those days are gone, and we have learned to leave that behind us, which is where it belongs. Of course, our children aren't in school anymore, so that is different. But I like what Hope_Floats says. Yes, indeed, it is a year of transition for everyone. She needs to talk to a guidance counselor who can deal with her study issues objectively before it gets anymore out of hand. That's what they are there for. This is your daughter's first big lesson on what happens when she procrastinates. She can either learn from it and do better or not learn and they will let her go.</p><p></p><p>I would definitely take some time with your husband to agree in advance what your budget for her is, then make sure that <em>she</em> knows what that budget is. Think about all of the obvious things that might happen and discuss your plan of action so that you aren't left on your own being the bad guy. The hard part for me with this was to <em>let</em> my husband make some of those decisions and not say, "That's not what I want to do!" It's about compromise. </p><p></p><p>You sold your home so you could fund your retirement, not give the extra $$$ to <em>her</em>. If she quits school and moves home are you going to give her spending money, too? Will you expect her to have a job and pay you rent (and will you stick to that)? Don't let her blow college thinking that she can just come back home and you're going to pay for everything like you did when she was a kid. She's not a kid anymore, and she deserves to know what life at home would be like if she blows off school. I would do my best to make sure that she understands that it will be spartan, to say the least. Then again, I wouldn't let her move back home. In my world she could change her life plans, but not mine.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="witzend, post: 639549, member: 99"] Welcome, and I'm sorry that you find yourself in need of our help. But you have come to the right place. We all know how raw your nerves are, and in this forum, anyway, most of us have been through the "empty nest" stage, so we know that it is difficult in itself. Are you seeing a therapist? I hope that you will. I was in the same position as disciplinarian with our kids, and my husband just didn't care that he needed to step in and allow me to be "Mom" from time to time. But those days are gone, and we have learned to leave that behind us, which is where it belongs. Of course, our children aren't in school anymore, so that is different. But I like what Hope_Floats says. Yes, indeed, it is a year of transition for everyone. She needs to talk to a guidance counselor who can deal with her study issues objectively before it gets anymore out of hand. That's what they are there for. This is your daughter's first big lesson on what happens when she procrastinates. She can either learn from it and do better or not learn and they will let her go. I would definitely take some time with your husband to agree in advance what your budget for her is, then make sure that [I]she[/I] knows what that budget is. Think about all of the obvious things that might happen and discuss your plan of action so that you aren't left on your own being the bad guy. The hard part for me with this was to [I]let[/I] my husband make some of those decisions and not say, "That's not what I want to do!" It's about compromise. You sold your home so you could fund your retirement, not give the extra $$$ to [I]her[/I]. If she quits school and moves home are you going to give her spending money, too? Will you expect her to have a job and pay you rent (and will you stick to that)? Don't let her blow college thinking that she can just come back home and you're going to pay for everything like you did when she was a kid. She's not a kid anymore, and she deserves to know what life at home would be like if she blows off school. I would do my best to make sure that she understands that it will be spartan, to say the least. Then again, I wouldn't let her move back home. In my world she could change her life plans, but not mine. [/QUOTE]
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