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So upset and ANGRY!!Dont know what to do
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<blockquote data-quote="TerryJ2" data-source="post: 248715" data-attributes="member: 3419"><p>Ohhhohoohohohoo!!! It's the "I-can't-talk-to-people-about-this-syndrome"! Yup, been there done that. </p><p>Got to put a good face on everything. Wow, does that sound familiar.</p><p> </p><p>Sit down, quietly and calmly, with-your husband, and ask him if it will make it any easier to talk to people about it when his son is in prison? (It's hard not to say that with-o sarcasm. Just keep your voice calm.) </p><p>You've got to get into family therapy to learn some new dynamics.</p><p>Too bad your stepson is older and bigger ... if my difficult child were on the couch, upside down or whatever, with-his soc studies book, I'd be upside down on the couch, reading pages with him. Sometimes he would cooperate, or sometimes, be so humiliated that he would go sit at the kitchen table in defeat and desperation and do his homework. Moms can be so embarrassing! </p><p> </p><p>Clearly, your stepson's medication isn't enough. Or even the right kind. If he's ADHD, you probably need something for the hyperactivity, but if it's mania, as in Bip, then stims will probably make him worse.</p><p> </p><p>Oh, another thing for your husband--if he's too embarrassed to have a therapist on his record, pay cash or credit card for the appts, and do NOT file with-the ins. company. We spent close to $1,000 b4 the checkbook balance became more important than husband's ego. Dr's ofcs call it "Self Pay."</p><p> </p><p>I was so relieved when we were finally able to file! Plus, by that time, the therapist had gotten husband to the point where he understood that there was something "wrong" or "different" with-difficult child, which is hard to admit, husband was also able to accept the idea that the therapist was simply giving us new tools to parent a different kind of kid. We are not out of the box kind of people when it comes to parenting and were in desperate need of ideas. (You'd think that an artist and chiro would be way out of the box, but what they heck.) <img src="data:image/gif;base64,R0lGODlhAQABAIAAAAAAAP///yH5BAEAAAAALAAAAAABAAEAAAIBRAA7" class="smilie smilie--sprite smilie--sprite1" alt=":)" title="Smile :)" loading="lazy" data-shortname=":)" /></p><p> </p><p>You have to be a Warrior Mom and a Warrior Wife. Stay on your husband's case (nicely) until he sees that there is a problem that needs to be addressed NOW. </p><p>If he says, "I'm too tired to talk right now," say, "When would be a better time? How about tonight at 8?" </p><p>"No, I want to go to bed early."</p><p>"Okay, coffee at the corner cafe at 7 a.m. would be great."</p><p>DO NOT GIVE UP. </p><p>Otherwise, your only choice is to force your husband to make a choice between you and his son. And that's not a good choice. It's a no-win situation.</p><p> </p><p>You can still have your stepson placed in an Residential Treatment Center (RTC). Or someplace with-professionals. It's going to take a while. Either way, you're going to need family therapy. You're going to have to juggle a lot of balls at once.</p><p> </p><p>In reg. to the home schooling, I'd slack off a bit. If kids fail in school, they can fail at home. Just make sure you get the school district to understand that it is not because you aren't a good teacher. There's got to be a way you can fill out the paperwork to get around this. </p><p>Homeschoolers here can help you out here. I'm not saying just let him flunk, but right now, you can't even get him to give you the time of day.</p><p> </p><p>I hope your son is doing okay. I recall that you were concerned about him. Be sure to praise him and pay attention to him (which I'm sure you do). Do not compare the kids, especially within earshot of one another. There is no comparison. At all. It can only do damage.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="TerryJ2, post: 248715, member: 3419"] Ohhhohoohohohoo!!! It's the "I-can't-talk-to-people-about-this-syndrome"! Yup, been there done that. Got to put a good face on everything. Wow, does that sound familiar. Sit down, quietly and calmly, with-your husband, and ask him if it will make it any easier to talk to people about it when his son is in prison? (It's hard not to say that with-o sarcasm. Just keep your voice calm.) You've got to get into family therapy to learn some new dynamics. Too bad your stepson is older and bigger ... if my difficult child were on the couch, upside down or whatever, with-his soc studies book, I'd be upside down on the couch, reading pages with him. Sometimes he would cooperate, or sometimes, be so humiliated that he would go sit at the kitchen table in defeat and desperation and do his homework. Moms can be so embarrassing! Clearly, your stepson's medication isn't enough. Or even the right kind. If he's ADHD, you probably need something for the hyperactivity, but if it's mania, as in Bip, then stims will probably make him worse. Oh, another thing for your husband--if he's too embarrassed to have a therapist on his record, pay cash or credit card for the appts, and do NOT file with-the ins. company. We spent close to $1,000 b4 the checkbook balance became more important than husband's ego. Dr's ofcs call it "Self Pay." I was so relieved when we were finally able to file! Plus, by that time, the therapist had gotten husband to the point where he understood that there was something "wrong" or "different" with-difficult child, which is hard to admit, husband was also able to accept the idea that the therapist was simply giving us new tools to parent a different kind of kid. We are not out of the box kind of people when it comes to parenting and were in desperate need of ideas. (You'd think that an artist and chiro would be way out of the box, but what they heck.) :) You have to be a Warrior Mom and a Warrior Wife. Stay on your husband's case (nicely) until he sees that there is a problem that needs to be addressed NOW. If he says, "I'm too tired to talk right now," say, "When would be a better time? How about tonight at 8?" "No, I want to go to bed early." "Okay, coffee at the corner cafe at 7 a.m. would be great." DO NOT GIVE UP. Otherwise, your only choice is to force your husband to make a choice between you and his son. And that's not a good choice. It's a no-win situation. You can still have your stepson placed in an Residential Treatment Center (RTC). Or someplace with-professionals. It's going to take a while. Either way, you're going to need family therapy. You're going to have to juggle a lot of balls at once. In reg. to the home schooling, I'd slack off a bit. If kids fail in school, they can fail at home. Just make sure you get the school district to understand that it is not because you aren't a good teacher. There's got to be a way you can fill out the paperwork to get around this. Homeschoolers here can help you out here. I'm not saying just let him flunk, but right now, you can't even get him to give you the time of day. I hope your son is doing okay. I recall that you were concerned about him. Be sure to praise him and pay attention to him (which I'm sure you do). Do not compare the kids, especially within earshot of one another. There is no comparison. At all. It can only do damage. [/QUOTE]
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