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So very tired
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<blockquote data-quote="recoveringenabler" data-source="post: 621311" data-attributes="member: 13542"><p>Welcome lonely. I am so sorry you are going through this with both of your kids. </p><p></p><p>You might find the article on detachment at the bottom of my post here helpful.</p><p></p><p>One of the mainstays of life here on the PE side of the forum is learning to detach from our adult kids, their behavior, their choices, their lifestyle all of it. Since your kids are living together and see nothing wrong with their actions there is really little you can do other then call Child Protective Services if you truly feel your grandson is in jeopardy. They are all adults making choices, even if they are poor choices, dangerous choices, they are THEIR choices. What you think of their choices doesn't matter unless you choose to step in to have your grandson removed from their home. Obviously talking to them hasn't worked. If you decide to take that action, then be prepared for the fallout from your kids. It is a hard place to be. I can see that.</p><p></p><p>The other choice would be for you to perhaps clearly state your concerns to your daughter, leave it in her hands, detach and then get some professional help for your own well being. Find avenues to learn how to let go of the choices your kids are making................otherwise your life will be about a roller coaster ride you never wanted to be on............</p><p></p><p>And, I would make it clear that under these circumstances that you are not in agreement with--- any of them living with you this summer is out of the question. You have a right to change your mind given the issues at hand. I would be very clear about what I want and what I am willing to do and not willing to do and then I would act on those options and practice detachment. You may need some professional support to guide you through to figure out what it is you want and how to proceed. </p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p>Those feelings are normal here.............we can become quite isolated and that is not healthy, you need to connect with others and here is a good place to do that since we can truly understand and have empathy and we will never judge you. We are also all in various stages of being worn out and tired.............this stuff with our kids is exhausting, depleting, agonizing, filled with fear, anger, resentment, sorrow, just massive amounts of pain. I understand that. I personally don't think we can do this alone,we need a lot of help, which is why I always recommend professional support. </p><p></p><p>If your son has mental illness you can contact NAMI, the National Alliance on Mental Illness, you can access them online and they have chapters everywhere. They have excellent courses for us, for the parents to learn tools, to understand, to get resources. You may be able to get help there. </p><p></p><p>I would encourage you to step back, get some support for YOU, think this through, if you post your thoughts, we can help you work through some of these issues...............</p><p></p><p>Make absolutely sure you take care of YOU. Focus on what you want and need now............take the focus off of your kids and put it on YOU. Get support for YOU. You deserve that, you've been at this a long time. Like many of us here..............we're older, this is not what we want to be doing at this stage of our lives.............keep posting, it helps............we're here if you need us. I'm glad you found us.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="recoveringenabler, post: 621311, member: 13542"] Welcome lonely. I am so sorry you are going through this with both of your kids. You might find the article on detachment at the bottom of my post here helpful. One of the mainstays of life here on the PE side of the forum is learning to detach from our adult kids, their behavior, their choices, their lifestyle all of it. Since your kids are living together and see nothing wrong with their actions there is really little you can do other then call Child Protective Services if you truly feel your grandson is in jeopardy. They are all adults making choices, even if they are poor choices, dangerous choices, they are THEIR choices. What you think of their choices doesn't matter unless you choose to step in to have your grandson removed from their home. Obviously talking to them hasn't worked. If you decide to take that action, then be prepared for the fallout from your kids. It is a hard place to be. I can see that. The other choice would be for you to perhaps clearly state your concerns to your daughter, leave it in her hands, detach and then get some professional help for your own well being. Find avenues to learn how to let go of the choices your kids are making................otherwise your life will be about a roller coaster ride you never wanted to be on............ And, I would make it clear that under these circumstances that you are not in agreement with--- any of them living with you this summer is out of the question. You have a right to change your mind given the issues at hand. I would be very clear about what I want and what I am willing to do and not willing to do and then I would act on those options and practice detachment. You may need some professional support to guide you through to figure out what it is you want and how to proceed. Those feelings are normal here.............we can become quite isolated and that is not healthy, you need to connect with others and here is a good place to do that since we can truly understand and have empathy and we will never judge you. We are also all in various stages of being worn out and tired.............this stuff with our kids is exhausting, depleting, agonizing, filled with fear, anger, resentment, sorrow, just massive amounts of pain. I understand that. I personally don't think we can do this alone,we need a lot of help, which is why I always recommend professional support. If your son has mental illness you can contact NAMI, the National Alliance on Mental Illness, you can access them online and they have chapters everywhere. They have excellent courses for us, for the parents to learn tools, to understand, to get resources. You may be able to get help there. I would encourage you to step back, get some support for YOU, think this through, if you post your thoughts, we can help you work through some of these issues............... Make absolutely sure you take care of YOU. Focus on what you want and need now............take the focus off of your kids and put it on YOU. Get support for YOU. You deserve that, you've been at this a long time. Like many of us here..............we're older, this is not what we want to be doing at this stage of our lives.............keep posting, it helps............we're here if you need us. I'm glad you found us. [/QUOTE]
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