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So very tired
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<blockquote data-quote="BusynMember" data-source="post: 621795" data-attributes="member: 1550"><p>I am sorry. I misunderstood.</p><p></p><p>I am going to share my thoughts, as a mom of one child who chooses not to talk to anyone in the family except my ex husband. All of this is just my own opinion and, of course, I came to my thoughts because of my own experiences.</p><p></p><p>Again, these are only MY thoughts.</p><p></p><p>in my opinion, father of the baby is being extremely irresponsible toward his baby. But he did say something right...it is HIS decision how to raise her. The only thing you can do to change anything is to call CPS and I'm not sure that they will do anything. in my opinion the best thing you can do is to move on to a new phase in your life. At one time I think most of us doted on our kids and they were our everythings, but even nice grown children go off on their own and make their own decisions and usually they don't like us to stick us nose into things. I have learned to bite my tongue. Somehow your son has played your daughter and especially her in my opinion very disrespectful husband and they don't think he's so bad and they feel he is even fit to watch the baby. And the son-in-law apparently believes in enabling drug users too, if they are family members.</p><p></p><p>As far as I can see, your best move toward a happy future is to back out of their bad decisions, including bad parenting decisions, unless you do plan on trying to get CPS involved and maybe try for custody. I doubt you'd win, because CPS has such a high bar for child removal. I was a foster mom and also knew a few CPS workers and was told horror stories. Maybe not all CPS workers have to operate the same though. Maybe it depends on what office they work out of. At any rate, if you are not going to go full force, I would swallow your opinion because you won't change their minds. Son-in-law sounds like a big difficult child. How he could get that YOU are dangerous is beyond me. I may also add that you don't KNOW for a fact that he doesn't use drugs too. He is being awfully tolerant of a drug user. So is your daughter. Sometimes there are secrets and we don't know them all.</p><p></p><p>YOu may want to actually go to a Nar-Anon or Al-Anon meeting to hook up in real life with parents who are going through the same pain/craziness and heartache as you. The Twelve Step program has helped so many of us as it teaches us that we can not control our loved ones, but we can control our reactions to them and we can go on with our own lives. We can set boundaries that we insist others respect. We can detach even from those we love and STILL have fun and laughter in our lives. I don't know if you have a SO or belong to a church or love to sing or act or do crafts or have neglected your hobbies and beloved friends while focusing on your children, but this is a great time to start doing things for YOURSELF for once. It is a hard concept once you/we/all of us have been so wrapped up in our children, however once they are grown they do go their own ways and do things sometimes that we can not support. Or move three thousand miles away. We have to learn to be our own best friends regardless of our grown children. And it actually gets kind of fun once you start not thinking you have to take care of everybody else and start doing what YOU like to do without that burden of others on your shoulders.</p><p></p><p>I have a good book you may want to pick up called "Codependent No More" by Melody Beattie (I think that's how it's spelled). It's about people like us, caregivers, who want to continue to caregive others even if they are adults, especially our own children. It was the book that started me on a healthier journey. I know many moms here have read it.</p><p></p><p>Sending you light and love and withing you to have some serenity in your day.</p><p></p><p>"God grant me the serenity,</p><p>To accept the things I cannot change,</p><p>The courage to change the things I can,</p><p>And the wisdom to know the difference."</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="BusynMember, post: 621795, member: 1550"] I am sorry. I misunderstood. I am going to share my thoughts, as a mom of one child who chooses not to talk to anyone in the family except my ex husband. All of this is just my own opinion and, of course, I came to my thoughts because of my own experiences. Again, these are only MY thoughts. in my opinion, father of the baby is being extremely irresponsible toward his baby. But he did say something right...it is HIS decision how to raise her. The only thing you can do to change anything is to call CPS and I'm not sure that they will do anything. in my opinion the best thing you can do is to move on to a new phase in your life. At one time I think most of us doted on our kids and they were our everythings, but even nice grown children go off on their own and make their own decisions and usually they don't like us to stick us nose into things. I have learned to bite my tongue. Somehow your son has played your daughter and especially her in my opinion very disrespectful husband and they don't think he's so bad and they feel he is even fit to watch the baby. And the son-in-law apparently believes in enabling drug users too, if they are family members. As far as I can see, your best move toward a happy future is to back out of their bad decisions, including bad parenting decisions, unless you do plan on trying to get CPS involved and maybe try for custody. I doubt you'd win, because CPS has such a high bar for child removal. I was a foster mom and also knew a few CPS workers and was told horror stories. Maybe not all CPS workers have to operate the same though. Maybe it depends on what office they work out of. At any rate, if you are not going to go full force, I would swallow your opinion because you won't change their minds. Son-in-law sounds like a big difficult child. How he could get that YOU are dangerous is beyond me. I may also add that you don't KNOW for a fact that he doesn't use drugs too. He is being awfully tolerant of a drug user. So is your daughter. Sometimes there are secrets and we don't know them all. YOu may want to actually go to a Nar-Anon or Al-Anon meeting to hook up in real life with parents who are going through the same pain/craziness and heartache as you. The Twelve Step program has helped so many of us as it teaches us that we can not control our loved ones, but we can control our reactions to them and we can go on with our own lives. We can set boundaries that we insist others respect. We can detach even from those we love and STILL have fun and laughter in our lives. I don't know if you have a SO or belong to a church or love to sing or act or do crafts or have neglected your hobbies and beloved friends while focusing on your children, but this is a great time to start doing things for YOURSELF for once. It is a hard concept once you/we/all of us have been so wrapped up in our children, however once they are grown they do go their own ways and do things sometimes that we can not support. Or move three thousand miles away. We have to learn to be our own best friends regardless of our grown children. And it actually gets kind of fun once you start not thinking you have to take care of everybody else and start doing what YOU like to do without that burden of others on your shoulders. I have a good book you may want to pick up called "Codependent No More" by Melody Beattie (I think that's how it's spelled). It's about people like us, caregivers, who want to continue to caregive others even if they are adults, especially our own children. It was the book that started me on a healthier journey. I know many moms here have read it. Sending you light and love and withing you to have some serenity in your day. "God grant me the serenity, To accept the things I cannot change, The courage to change the things I can, And the wisdom to know the difference." [/QUOTE]
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