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So very tired
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<blockquote data-quote="Scent of Cedar *" data-source="post: 621876" data-attributes="member: 17461"><p>There is no fault here, lonelyone. You reacted to a really unpleasant situation from your heart. The only other thing you could have done would have been to go along with whatever they felt was okay. Your concerns are valid and correct. You voiced them, and that took courage.</p><p></p><p>There are some times when it is the situation that is bad. Whatever choice you made would have felt wrong. You remained true to yourself and spoke from the heart ~ even your anger was from the heart, as you vented your feelings about what you perceive to be a dangerous situation.</p><p></p><p>It sounds like this has been one hard decision after another for you. It must have taken some thought just to decide whether to let your daughter know what you had found in your son's room.</p><p></p><p>You are right that you will need to refocus your life, lonelyone. As you grieve and as you create the changes that will take your life in a different direction than you envisioned, remember that everything can (and probably will) change. Your actions have likely opened a series of conversations at your daughter's house which will bring everything into the open where it can be dealt with.</p><p></p><p>It feels so bad to take a stand and then, to be judged and isolated for it. I am sorry this has happened, but you had to take the stand you did. How could you live with yourself otherwise, if something bad happened?</p><p></p><p>You had to do what you did.</p><p></p><p>There is no fault, here.</p><p></p><p>You are the mother. It matters what you think and what you say. What you do not speak up about, you condone.</p><p></p><p>You had to do what you did.</p><p></p><p>Hooray for you for getting angry at your son-in-law. That took real courage. You are isolated, you are suffering, but you spoke from integrity and you did not back down.</p><p></p><p>I love it that I hear no bitterness in your post, no blaming or justification.</p><p></p><p>This part is hard, lonelyone, but I think you did the right thing. The pain you feel is real, but you will heal. There is nothing you need to do, right now. If it turns out that you need to love your family from afar, then you will still love them, just not right up, everyday close. </p><p></p><p>Many of us find ourselves in that position.</p><p></p><p>I choose it over complicity in my child's self destruction, any day.</p><p></p><p>As Recovering suggested, take care to take care of yourself. It is so easy to use the energy we've mustered to fight the good fight to beat ourselves up, instead.</p><p></p><p>I am glad you found us. </p><p></p><p>Welcome.</p><p></p><p>:O)</p><p></p><p>Cedar</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Scent of Cedar *, post: 621876, member: 17461"] There is no fault here, lonelyone. You reacted to a really unpleasant situation from your heart. The only other thing you could have done would have been to go along with whatever they felt was okay. Your concerns are valid and correct. You voiced them, and that took courage. There are some times when it is the situation that is bad. Whatever choice you made would have felt wrong. You remained true to yourself and spoke from the heart ~ even your anger was from the heart, as you vented your feelings about what you perceive to be a dangerous situation. It sounds like this has been one hard decision after another for you. It must have taken some thought just to decide whether to let your daughter know what you had found in your son's room. You are right that you will need to refocus your life, lonelyone. As you grieve and as you create the changes that will take your life in a different direction than you envisioned, remember that everything can (and probably will) change. Your actions have likely opened a series of conversations at your daughter's house which will bring everything into the open where it can be dealt with. It feels so bad to take a stand and then, to be judged and isolated for it. I am sorry this has happened, but you had to take the stand you did. How could you live with yourself otherwise, if something bad happened? You had to do what you did. There is no fault, here. You are the mother. It matters what you think and what you say. What you do not speak up about, you condone. You had to do what you did. Hooray for you for getting angry at your son-in-law. That took real courage. You are isolated, you are suffering, but you spoke from integrity and you did not back down. I love it that I hear no bitterness in your post, no blaming or justification. This part is hard, lonelyone, but I think you did the right thing. The pain you feel is real, but you will heal. There is nothing you need to do, right now. If it turns out that you need to love your family from afar, then you will still love them, just not right up, everyday close. Many of us find ourselves in that position. I choose it over complicity in my child's self destruction, any day. As Recovering suggested, take care to take care of yourself. It is so easy to use the energy we've mustered to fight the good fight to beat ourselves up, instead. I am glad you found us. Welcome. :O) Cedar [/QUOTE]
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