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So what do you think when you hear the words...
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<blockquote data-quote="Fran" data-source="post: 418070" data-attributes="member: 3"><p>in my humble opinion, one of the biggest light bulb moment for me when my boys were going into teen years was that we shouldn't and couldn't control their decisions. My job was to cast a bigger net so to speak. </p><p>If they followed the ten commandments, were respectful to parents and teachers, that I gave them great freedom in what they wore,did and even curfews. I certainly gave an opinion and stepped in when they were in over their heads but my controlling every aspect of their lives and thinking created resentful, sneaky, devious kids. </p><p>I never had a curfew. I didn't need to so why create a rule that was unnecessary? </p><p>Facebook, my boys were in their older teens but I never interfered except when easy child was using language that was a bit coarser than he uses in real life. I e mailed him with the "your smart enough to come up with a better vocabulary" and "never talk about your bosses in a negative way". </p><p>There are basic rules and responsibilities in every home. If Duckie has the ability to make her own schedule to fill all those responsibilities shouldn't letting her teach herself a better parenting lesson? I don't want blind obedience. I want thinking, understanding, independent kids. Doesn't mean that they don't slip up or get lazy but the goal is to parent in a way that they know and see love in the home and that everyone contributes to the family. That may mean homework or chores or following through with responsibilities. </p><p>I don't know anyone who has the same parenting philosophy. We don't want to have conformity in our children or parenting, do we? Let the others do their thing. </p><p>My goal is to do no harm, ask "who does it serve?" and allow them the freedom to grow their own personality. </p><p>If Duckie wants to do something non traditional even if it's called dating by them(and called a playdate by us), why create the big emotional turmoil. If they are supervised and they are doing something fun, doesn't it take the mystery out of the opposite sex? </p><p>A good dose of "fear" helped my boys stay in line. They used a scary mom many times to stay out of an ugly situation. It's ok with me. I have never raised a hand since they turned 5. It's a tool they use. </p><p>Anyhow, my parenting evolved based on what my son's needed. First I was following what the traditional community standards were but eventually I found it lacking and silly in some aspects. I developed my own parenting and I am pretty sure I did not abdicate one ounce of my parenting responsibility. Look at Duckie and ask yourself "what does she need?" Let the others homes find their own way. I think you will like your kid better even if she is a bit less traditional than the others. No Stepford Wives.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Fran, post: 418070, member: 3"] in my humble opinion, one of the biggest light bulb moment for me when my boys were going into teen years was that we shouldn't and couldn't control their decisions. My job was to cast a bigger net so to speak. If they followed the ten commandments, were respectful to parents and teachers, that I gave them great freedom in what they wore,did and even curfews. I certainly gave an opinion and stepped in when they were in over their heads but my controlling every aspect of their lives and thinking created resentful, sneaky, devious kids. I never had a curfew. I didn't need to so why create a rule that was unnecessary? Facebook, my boys were in their older teens but I never interfered except when easy child was using language that was a bit coarser than he uses in real life. I e mailed him with the "your smart enough to come up with a better vocabulary" and "never talk about your bosses in a negative way". There are basic rules and responsibilities in every home. If Duckie has the ability to make her own schedule to fill all those responsibilities shouldn't letting her teach herself a better parenting lesson? I don't want blind obedience. I want thinking, understanding, independent kids. Doesn't mean that they don't slip up or get lazy but the goal is to parent in a way that they know and see love in the home and that everyone contributes to the family. That may mean homework or chores or following through with responsibilities. I don't know anyone who has the same parenting philosophy. We don't want to have conformity in our children or parenting, do we? Let the others do their thing. My goal is to do no harm, ask "who does it serve?" and allow them the freedom to grow their own personality. If Duckie wants to do something non traditional even if it's called dating by them(and called a playdate by us), why create the big emotional turmoil. If they are supervised and they are doing something fun, doesn't it take the mystery out of the opposite sex? A good dose of "fear" helped my boys stay in line. They used a scary mom many times to stay out of an ugly situation. It's ok with me. I have never raised a hand since they turned 5. It's a tool they use. Anyhow, my parenting evolved based on what my son's needed. First I was following what the traditional community standards were but eventually I found it lacking and silly in some aspects. I developed my own parenting and I am pretty sure I did not abdicate one ounce of my parenting responsibility. Look at Duckie and ask yourself "what does she need?" Let the others homes find their own way. I think you will like your kid better even if she is a bit less traditional than the others. No Stepford Wives. [/QUOTE]
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