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Parent Support Forums
Parent Emeritus
So why do we (or in this case I) miss abusive people? I don't get it.
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<blockquote data-quote="SuZir" data-source="post: 627134" data-attributes="member: 14557"><p>It's called love. None of us are perfect, with some imperfections are just more pronounced. That still doesn't mean there isn't any good in them or that there aren't fond memories and loving feelings towards them. Even very dysfunctional relationships can have lots of love and lots of positive sides in them.</p><p></p><p>I have very difficult relationship with my dad who is your typical person with Borderline (BPD). He is of course very difficult, can be very hurtful, and yes abusive, and has been both when I was a child and when I have been an adult and I have even cut him off for long periods of time to protect myself when I haven't been able to deal. That doesn't mean I don't love him or that he doesn't love me (as much as any person with Borderline (BPD) can actually love other human being) or that he doesn't have some awesome characteristics.</p><p></p><p>When I have become older, more self-assured and less youthfully black and white thinker I have grown to appreciate more and more also very dysfunctional loved ones in my family tree. Not seeing them as problems but valuable part of my family history. Of course most of them, aside my dad, are already dead so it is easier to make peace with them and think of them with affection.</p><p></p><p>And yes, blood is thicker than water. Not because of the DNA but because of shared memories there is no one else to share. That is not a small thing and is also somewhat true with old friends. My husband's granny died this winter after living well into her nineties and that was one of her main complaints in old age. You lose your siblings and childhood and young adult friends and there is no one else who remembers who you were anymore. No one with whom to reminisce.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="SuZir, post: 627134, member: 14557"] It's called love. None of us are perfect, with some imperfections are just more pronounced. That still doesn't mean there isn't any good in them or that there aren't fond memories and loving feelings towards them. Even very dysfunctional relationships can have lots of love and lots of positive sides in them. I have very difficult relationship with my dad who is your typical person with Borderline (BPD). He is of course very difficult, can be very hurtful, and yes abusive, and has been both when I was a child and when I have been an adult and I have even cut him off for long periods of time to protect myself when I haven't been able to deal. That doesn't mean I don't love him or that he doesn't love me (as much as any person with Borderline (BPD) can actually love other human being) or that he doesn't have some awesome characteristics. When I have become older, more self-assured and less youthfully black and white thinker I have grown to appreciate more and more also very dysfunctional loved ones in my family tree. Not seeing them as problems but valuable part of my family history. Of course most of them, aside my dad, are already dead so it is easier to make peace with them and think of them with affection. And yes, blood is thicker than water. Not because of the DNA but because of shared memories there is no one else to share. That is not a small thing and is also somewhat true with old friends. My husband's granny died this winter after living well into her nineties and that was one of her main complaints in old age. You lose your siblings and childhood and young adult friends and there is no one else who remembers who you were anymore. No one with whom to reminisce. [/QUOTE]
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So why do we (or in this case I) miss abusive people? I don't get it.
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