I get missing our children because we often are not thinking of them as they are now. We are thinking of that sweet little baby/tolddler/child who hugged us and gave us dandelions and whom we had such big dreams for. I do not think we miss the adult child they are today. I think we miss the adult child we WISH they would be. So when we see them it is often a big let down because they are the unloving adults we are so shocked about and often we wish we hadn't even seen them. But, still, our kids...I get it. Does anyone else miss a toxic sibling or parent or ex-friend although the person and you do not work out in a relationship? Can anyone shine light on why I always miss my sister when he puts me on emotional shut down. That, by the way, is what it's called. Emotional shut down. Even if we can manage six good months, I KNOW it will end up in a hurtful emotional shutdown. Why do I even want to talk to her? I do not understand myself. All of you are so good with explanations, figuring things out and putting things into perspective. What can I do when I feel a rush of anger and want to text her, although she won't read it. She does not read my texts when she is on emotional shut down. But why do I even care? Why do I want to talk to her about ANYTHING? Because we have fun at times? Is it worth this? She will probably call again one day and say she is trying hard to work it out this time for sure. She says she misses talking to me too when she doesn't, but it is her 100% of the time who does this emotional shutting down, at least for long periods of time. If I called her today just to ask her if she is feeling well and had a nice day, she wouldn't pick up the phone. And somehow it will be all my fault. I rue the day I told her I thought I acted borderline when I was younger because it was never diagnosed and now she uses it. Yet something is not right with her. But, of course, it isn't the same. I am worse. The last time she cut me off she spent HOURS reading about borderline to find out how to get along with me and guess what? She decided I wasn't borderline. I had traits, but not borderline. Her BOYFRINED had borderline...her words, not mine. (He probably does and much more). But when she is nasty mode nothing we shared is sacred. And it's always my fault. So what can I do to just forget about her until/unless she calls me again? What can I say to myself? What can I do for myself? This is not the same as when Scott cut off me and his siblings. He totally went no contact and never came back so it was possible to grieve and get over him and we have. My sister is like a boomerang. Like a bad recurring dream she keeps coming back so that just when I've worked it out, there she is again to repeat the vicious cycle which has gone on since my thirties. I am trying so hard to have a peaceful life now and have mostly succeeded. I welcome any thoughts. I am really puzzled at myself and clueless as to what to do because the anger at her emotional cut off is simmering inside of me and I want to strike back, although I won't. Why am I even so ready to take off her head in an argument? I didn't do it when I had the chance. How do I just let her go when I know the day will come when she does something like sends me a Christmas card saying, "Life is too short not to talk. If you call me, I'll be nice." Forget about "I'm sorry." LIke most difficult children it never happens. Help?