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<blockquote data-quote="Allan-Matlem" data-source="post: 371335" data-attributes="member: 10"><p>Hi,</p><p></p><p></p><p>in my humble opinion the focus is on ' asking' not telling. We want kids to reflect and take perspectives. The more we have conversations , even general stuff we promote a ' thinking mode ' . </p><p></p><p>Trinity - I hope you managed to reassure your husband. When we take blame out of the picture and focus on solutions things are better. </p><p>I find first focusing on husband's concerns , taking time listening and hearing him out and not rushing to answer or find a solution , not only validates his feelings , but you are helping him to put concerns on the table . Once we have listened to him , he will hear what we are saying and being open to a mutually satisfying solution</p><p></p><p>What a mess - check out the book - the spy Jarvis clutch </p><p></p><p>Fran - I find your input full of insight. I find I can explore ideas and write more on a blog and then share </p><p></p><p>when we tell - we turn kids into objects when we ask , we give them a voice and they respond as subjects - I talk about this in a new blog </p><p></p><p><a href="http://allankatz-parentingislearning.blogspot.com/2010/07/subject-vs-object-cps-and-sdt-theory.html" target="_blank">http://allankatz-parentingislearning.blogspot.com/2010/07/subject-vs-object-cps-and-sdt-theory.html</a></p><p></p><p>Take care </p><p></p><p>Allan</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Allan-Matlem, post: 371335, member: 10"] Hi, in my humble opinion the focus is on ' asking' not telling. We want kids to reflect and take perspectives. The more we have conversations , even general stuff we promote a ' thinking mode ' . Trinity - I hope you managed to reassure your husband. When we take blame out of the picture and focus on solutions things are better. I find first focusing on husband's concerns , taking time listening and hearing him out and not rushing to answer or find a solution , not only validates his feelings , but you are helping him to put concerns on the table . Once we have listened to him , he will hear what we are saying and being open to a mutually satisfying solution What a mess - check out the book - the spy Jarvis clutch Fran - I find your input full of insight. I find I can explore ideas and write more on a blog and then share when we tell - we turn kids into objects when we ask , we give them a voice and they respond as subjects - I talk about this in a new blog [url]http://allankatz-parentingislearning.blogspot.com/2010/07/subject-vs-object-cps-and-sdt-theory.html[/url] Take care Allan [/QUOTE]
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