Hi,
in my humble opinion the focus is on ' asking' not telling. We want kids to reflect and take perspectives. The more we have conversations , even general stuff we promote a ' thinking mode ' .
Trinity - I hope you managed to reassure your husband. When we take blame out of the picture and focus on solutions things are better.
I find first focusing on husband's concerns , taking time listening and hearing him out and not rushing to answer or find a solution , not only validates his feelings , but you are helping him to put concerns on the table . Once we have listened to him , he will hear what we are saying and being open to a mutually satisfying solution
What a mess - check out the book - the spy Jarvis clutch
Fran - I find your input full of insight. I find I can explore ideas and write more on a blog and then share
when we tell - we turn kids into objects when we ask , we give them a voice and they respond as subjects - I talk about this in a new blog
http://allankatz-parentingislearning.blogspot.com/2010/07/subject-vs-object-cps-and-sdt-theory.html
Take care
Allan
