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Some thoughts on diagnosis's and Raising our kids...
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<blockquote data-quote="dreamer" data-source="post: 140731" data-attributes="member: 1697"><p>It never ceases to amaze me, I have a brother very close in age to me, who lived the very same history I did, and yet we are profoundly different. Ironically, at a mere glance, HE appears to have the more traditionally considered successful life. If you look harder at him, long term, you find he has a very roller coaster life----but his cycles are very very VERY spread out, so few people notice. </p><p>We can be quite opposite in our reactions to things around us, in our social interactions and in our ability to function cognitively. </p><p></p><p>When I began to have my own kids, I found it utterly fascinating how different each was from the other. My girls are about a year apart in age, my son is a few years younger. Most of my daughters early experiences were identical. My easy child functions at a high level, my difficult child does not. It is my difficult child who has the higher IQ....it is my difficult child who begins relationships quicker. She also holds them harder, longer. My easy child seems to keep things a little more distant from herself, but then, she has more stamina to hang on better. </p><p></p><p>There is no way I buy into the idea I parented them vastly different, exactly. BUT what I have tried to do (and not always succeeded) was to parent them in whatever way they needed to be parented at any given time. And when you read here, you will probably see, many of us do this. Each of our kids has different needs. </p><p>Here at home we seldom use words mental illness or disability etc. Mostly we simply say Buffy is just Buffy, thats how she is. Thats who she is. Lil dude is Lil Dude, just being himself. Oh, thats easy child. easy child does that. Thats how my kids describe each other. (oops, I have lost my train of thought here, sorry) </p><p></p><p>I do think I influenced them by my parenting.but they also interpreted the parenting in their own ways. what might have been perfect parenting for one may have been completely wrong for another. And we are simple ordniary human beings, too. A "perfect" parent can still have a less than perfect child. And a non perfect parent could have a "perfect" child. </p><p></p><p>BUT what I have been noticeing more and more around me? There seem to be a whole lot of people who seem to have everything on the ball- BUT....if you get to know them better? They DON'T. </p><p>I know many people in very high standing in community, in positions of power and authority who get great respect, but....then we find out, they have drinking problems, substance abuse problems, infidelity issues, ebezelments (sp).....BUT in public eye, they SEEM to hold things together SO well. </p><p>I also know people on the other end of it all- who APPEAR to be HUGE difficult children......but you go into their homes and you might find the cleanest little shack with the most love anywhere. </p><p></p><p>I think the point I am trying to make is that your questions are as old as the world. I am not sure if there are any "right" answers. I think a lot of the time we just simply have to do our best. and hope and pray that it works out good. </p><p></p><p>NOw, as for the MRI etc? WHew, been there done that......my oldest child, I never ever did manage to find a single doctor anywhere ever who would do any objective type tests at all. And yes we also had a therapist who had this idea difficult child was difficult child becuz she had PTSD becuz we had to go and have another child on her. Yeesh. I did not buy into THAT. </p><p>My son? He had no "mental health" issues that were obvious, BUT due to some mobility issues etc- he got an MRI after I begged his orthopedic doctor, go figure. And it was then that they found his heterotopia, and finally realized he really WAS haveing seizures. Prior to that, believe it or not, his inability to toilet train, even with in home behavior mod docs here daily was blamed on my parenting. His inability to tie his shoes was blamed on me being "too soft" LOL at the same time my difficult children therapist was telling me I was too strict. Too hard. Hmmm, interesting it is my difficult child who has the agoraphobia. Interesting given a little bit more time my son ties shoes and did potty train. LONG after the behavoir mod doctor left here. </p><p></p><p>My difficult child has been suicidal. It scared me. I do not push hard. I try to simply nudge hard enough. I guess for me, what I tell myself is, I would rather have her alive and here, than suicided becuz I pushed too hard. If she were not here, we would no longer have ANY opportunity to guide her and nudge her. So long as she IS here.....we can still work on things. Thats how I cope with the whole thing. Some days I wonder, hmm, maybe it is just meant to be she is still home, still under my feet.....I do not know what the future holds. Maybe there is some reason she is to be my permanant shadow? Maybe she will be gone from Earth before me? Maybe she will be my caregiver in my old age? Maybe she will be keeping the homefire going here in my house after I am gone, to provide a safety net for siblings in crisis? Maybe she will one day save one of our neighbors lives? - Just becuz she is HERE. </p><p>I really do not know. I have NO idea. And yes, maybe I just did do a not so great job with her. I tell myself often, the world is full of all kinds of people. ANd really, it TAKES all kinds of people for the world to keep turning. My difficult child is just ....um........ a little "different" than some other people. Well, anyway, thats how I have come to terms with it over the years. <img src="data:image/gif;base64,R0lGODlhAQABAIAAAAAAAP///yH5BAEAAAAALAAAAAABAAEAAAIBRAA7" class="smilie smilie--sprite smilie--sprite1" alt=":)" title="Smile :)" loading="lazy" data-shortname=":)" /></p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="dreamer, post: 140731, member: 1697"] It never ceases to amaze me, I have a brother very close in age to me, who lived the very same history I did, and yet we are profoundly different. Ironically, at a mere glance, HE appears to have the more traditionally considered successful life. If you look harder at him, long term, you find he has a very roller coaster life----but his cycles are very very VERY spread out, so few people notice. We can be quite opposite in our reactions to things around us, in our social interactions and in our ability to function cognitively. When I began to have my own kids, I found it utterly fascinating how different each was from the other. My girls are about a year apart in age, my son is a few years younger. Most of my daughters early experiences were identical. My easy child functions at a high level, my difficult child does not. It is my difficult child who has the higher IQ....it is my difficult child who begins relationships quicker. She also holds them harder, longer. My easy child seems to keep things a little more distant from herself, but then, she has more stamina to hang on better. There is no way I buy into the idea I parented them vastly different, exactly. BUT what I have tried to do (and not always succeeded) was to parent them in whatever way they needed to be parented at any given time. And when you read here, you will probably see, many of us do this. Each of our kids has different needs. Here at home we seldom use words mental illness or disability etc. Mostly we simply say Buffy is just Buffy, thats how she is. Thats who she is. Lil dude is Lil Dude, just being himself. Oh, thats easy child. easy child does that. Thats how my kids describe each other. (oops, I have lost my train of thought here, sorry) I do think I influenced them by my parenting.but they also interpreted the parenting in their own ways. what might have been perfect parenting for one may have been completely wrong for another. And we are simple ordniary human beings, too. A "perfect" parent can still have a less than perfect child. And a non perfect parent could have a "perfect" child. BUT what I have been noticeing more and more around me? There seem to be a whole lot of people who seem to have everything on the ball- BUT....if you get to know them better? They DON'T. I know many people in very high standing in community, in positions of power and authority who get great respect, but....then we find out, they have drinking problems, substance abuse problems, infidelity issues, ebezelments (sp).....BUT in public eye, they SEEM to hold things together SO well. I also know people on the other end of it all- who APPEAR to be HUGE difficult children......but you go into their homes and you might find the cleanest little shack with the most love anywhere. I think the point I am trying to make is that your questions are as old as the world. I am not sure if there are any "right" answers. I think a lot of the time we just simply have to do our best. and hope and pray that it works out good. NOw, as for the MRI etc? WHew, been there done that......my oldest child, I never ever did manage to find a single doctor anywhere ever who would do any objective type tests at all. And yes we also had a therapist who had this idea difficult child was difficult child becuz she had PTSD becuz we had to go and have another child on her. Yeesh. I did not buy into THAT. My son? He had no "mental health" issues that were obvious, BUT due to some mobility issues etc- he got an MRI after I begged his orthopedic doctor, go figure. And it was then that they found his heterotopia, and finally realized he really WAS haveing seizures. Prior to that, believe it or not, his inability to toilet train, even with in home behavior mod docs here daily was blamed on my parenting. His inability to tie his shoes was blamed on me being "too soft" LOL at the same time my difficult children therapist was telling me I was too strict. Too hard. Hmmm, interesting it is my difficult child who has the agoraphobia. Interesting given a little bit more time my son ties shoes and did potty train. LONG after the behavoir mod doctor left here. My difficult child has been suicidal. It scared me. I do not push hard. I try to simply nudge hard enough. I guess for me, what I tell myself is, I would rather have her alive and here, than suicided becuz I pushed too hard. If she were not here, we would no longer have ANY opportunity to guide her and nudge her. So long as she IS here.....we can still work on things. Thats how I cope with the whole thing. Some days I wonder, hmm, maybe it is just meant to be she is still home, still under my feet.....I do not know what the future holds. Maybe there is some reason she is to be my permanant shadow? Maybe she will be gone from Earth before me? Maybe she will be my caregiver in my old age? Maybe she will be keeping the homefire going here in my house after I am gone, to provide a safety net for siblings in crisis? Maybe she will one day save one of our neighbors lives? - Just becuz she is HERE. I really do not know. I have NO idea. And yes, maybe I just did do a not so great job with her. I tell myself often, the world is full of all kinds of people. ANd really, it TAKES all kinds of people for the world to keep turning. My difficult child is just ....um........ a little "different" than some other people. Well, anyway, thats how I have come to terms with it over the years. :-) [/QUOTE]
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