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Somehow I knew it wouldn't last...
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<blockquote data-quote="DammitJanet" data-source="post: 576550" data-attributes="member: 1514"><p>Seems this is the time for men to lose their ever loving minds about difficult child's! While mine isnt a child difficult child, he is a definite difficult child. And I am definitely being the one blamed for everything wrong in life right now. Exactly how I caused all this is beyond my comprehension because I didnt meet the man until he was fully grown so I had nothing to do with his upbringing. </p><p></p><p>Tony definitely has some sick form of codependent issues going on with his brother where he cannot set boundaries much like a parent cannot set boundaries with a child who is using their parents and the parents are just enabling that child to continue to be a perpetual toddler. I dont have a clue how to break him out of his ostrich syndrome either. That is such a good term for it. Because he has no clue how to fix it, he screams and blames everyone else around him. He wasnt anywhere near this bad with our own kids. I think because he knew both Cory and Jamie would land on their feet and he is afraid Buck wont. I have pointed out that Tony isnt capable of being a caretaker for his brother because he wasnt a good caretaker for me, my mother or his grandmother. He was okay as far as making sure things were provided for but as far as doing the actual work, no, that isnt his strong suit. I had to do the physical work and not only can I not do that anymore, I will not do it for his brother. I wasnt his grandmothers biggest fan and she didnt like me all that much but I did make sure she was well taken care of. He admits that is true. I was there when none of his siblings were. </p><p></p><p>Problem is he simply cannot transfer any of that over to his brother. He is terrified that he is going to do something to either make his brother mad or something that I really cant figure out. I am of the mind that since it doesnt appear to me that his brother can take care of himself adequately that someone else needs to step in and take the reigns for him. Or if he refuses to allow that then he needs to hit bottom and we cant save him from that bottom. It isnt our responsibility to save him from that bottom and by doing so we only do him harm. At 54 he should well be able to take care of himself. </p><p></p><p>I cannot get all of these points across to him because he blows up somewhere during my talking to him. He never lets me get all my ideas out before he starts screaming at me and calling me names. Maybe I should write him a letter so he can read it when he isnt around me and has a chance to digest it before confronting me.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="DammitJanet, post: 576550, member: 1514"] Seems this is the time for men to lose their ever loving minds about difficult child's! While mine isnt a child difficult child, he is a definite difficult child. And I am definitely being the one blamed for everything wrong in life right now. Exactly how I caused all this is beyond my comprehension because I didnt meet the man until he was fully grown so I had nothing to do with his upbringing. Tony definitely has some sick form of codependent issues going on with his brother where he cannot set boundaries much like a parent cannot set boundaries with a child who is using their parents and the parents are just enabling that child to continue to be a perpetual toddler. I dont have a clue how to break him out of his ostrich syndrome either. That is such a good term for it. Because he has no clue how to fix it, he screams and blames everyone else around him. He wasnt anywhere near this bad with our own kids. I think because he knew both Cory and Jamie would land on their feet and he is afraid Buck wont. I have pointed out that Tony isnt capable of being a caretaker for his brother because he wasnt a good caretaker for me, my mother or his grandmother. He was okay as far as making sure things were provided for but as far as doing the actual work, no, that isnt his strong suit. I had to do the physical work and not only can I not do that anymore, I will not do it for his brother. I wasnt his grandmothers biggest fan and she didnt like me all that much but I did make sure she was well taken care of. He admits that is true. I was there when none of his siblings were. Problem is he simply cannot transfer any of that over to his brother. He is terrified that he is going to do something to either make his brother mad or something that I really cant figure out. I am of the mind that since it doesnt appear to me that his brother can take care of himself adequately that someone else needs to step in and take the reigns for him. Or if he refuses to allow that then he needs to hit bottom and we cant save him from that bottom. It isnt our responsibility to save him from that bottom and by doing so we only do him harm. At 54 he should well be able to take care of himself. I cannot get all of these points across to him because he blows up somewhere during my talking to him. He never lets me get all my ideas out before he starts screaming at me and calling me names. Maybe I should write him a letter so he can read it when he isnt around me and has a chance to digest it before confronting me. [/QUOTE]
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