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Someone help us please :( (long sorry)
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<blockquote data-quote="meowbunny" data-source="post: 142491" data-attributes="member: 3626"><p>Definitely welcome. You really have found a great place with a lot of help, comfort, humor.</p><p> </p><p>It really doesn't sound like your HV is helping at all. Charts, etc., work for many kids. They don't work for many others. Can you switch workers or is this one of the no choice things?</p><p> </p><p>Honestly, I've found asking Why my daughter did something to be a recipe for disaster. It could be discussed after the incident when eveyone was calm and even then it had to be in the lines of: "I know you were frustrated when you threw the cup. Can you think of something you could have done other than throw it?" </p><p> </p><p>A lot of times, kids really don't know the why of their anger or their actions. They just know it was in their hands and went flying. Ditto other impulsive acts -- they just did it, not thought about doing it. Aspie kids are even less likely to know the whys. At our home, the first line of "defense" was you made the mess, you clean it up. You hurt your brother, so he gets one of your toys (Mom picks the toy, not brother and it has to be a fair repayment foe the hurt). Spitting is just not acceptable to me. That would get my child removed from the room and into a quiet room faster than she could take another breath. Of course, a lot of what consequences you dole out really do have to be tempered by how severe he is on the autistic scale. Even so, if he's articulate enough to voice his anger, you should be able to give consequences that will, ultimately, turn into a cause and effect thing for your son, especially if you calmly state why his behavior has caused X to occur.</p><p> </p><p>I'm sure others will come along with other advice.</p><p> </p><p>One other thing, if you haven't done so, I'd recommend reading The Explosive Child. It really can be helpful.</p><p> </p><p>Best wishes.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="meowbunny, post: 142491, member: 3626"] Definitely welcome. You really have found a great place with a lot of help, comfort, humor. It really doesn't sound like your HV is helping at all. Charts, etc., work for many kids. They don't work for many others. Can you switch workers or is this one of the no choice things? Honestly, I've found asking Why my daughter did something to be a recipe for disaster. It could be discussed after the incident when eveyone was calm and even then it had to be in the lines of: "I know you were frustrated when you threw the cup. Can you think of something you could have done other than throw it?" A lot of times, kids really don't know the why of their anger or their actions. They just know it was in their hands and went flying. Ditto other impulsive acts -- they just did it, not thought about doing it. Aspie kids are even less likely to know the whys. At our home, the first line of "defense" was you made the mess, you clean it up. You hurt your brother, so he gets one of your toys (Mom picks the toy, not brother and it has to be a fair repayment foe the hurt). Spitting is just not acceptable to me. That would get my child removed from the room and into a quiet room faster than she could take another breath. Of course, a lot of what consequences you dole out really do have to be tempered by how severe he is on the autistic scale. Even so, if he's articulate enough to voice his anger, you should be able to give consequences that will, ultimately, turn into a cause and effect thing for your son, especially if you calmly state why his behavior has caused X to occur. I'm sure others will come along with other advice. One other thing, if you haven't done so, I'd recommend reading The Explosive Child. It really can be helpful. Best wishes. [/QUOTE]
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