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Son 32 Still lives with parents
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<blockquote data-quote="BusynMember1" data-source="post: 756952" data-attributes="member: 23706"><p>Hi and so very sorry you are going through this. I am a little confused. Does he live with you and your wife? Is this a nephew?</p><p></p><p>I can tell you that I am in Al Anon and have been in Nar Anon and we are told not to help a drug addict do anything he can do for himself, especially not give money or possessions. Often they use the money or sell the possessions for drugs. Plus the addict has no reason to change if we make them comfortable.</p><p></p><p>I would not live with a heroin addict, even a child.</p><p></p><p>Having said that, not one of us has any control over anyone but ourselves. We can not contrlol our kids, our other relatives or our spouses. All we can control is our reactions. If your wife insists this young man live with you and gives him things, you have to decide what you are going to put up with until you set a strong boundary such as "If Joe doesn't move out in the near future I will have to leave" or anything you feel works better for you. If you don't change yourself and your reaction, which is all you can control, then nothing will change in the family and you can't expect it.</p><p></p><p>In my nar Anon group is an ex heroin addict who has been clean 30 years. Now his 35 year old child has been an addict for years. He also sustained a Traumatic Brain Injury (TBI) this year. He lives in a state far away and is not allowed to come home. He refused to get help long term and has been in many rehabs but he always leaves. Nobody can make an addict get help or stay in care. This father recalls he did not get clean until his parents died and he got no help. In his sons case he no longer gets help but he is as bad an addict as ever. He may not quit. He may die first. He lives on the streets and almost died this year, but he wants to stay in the streets and not go into rehab near his father. He knows his son may die and that he has no power to stop it.</p><p></p><p>I guess my point is that, yes, your situation is intolerable and, yes, this young man needs help. In regards to your situation you need to decide if you will set boundaries that you will follow through with or if you would rather let things be. And this young man needs help. You can't force him to get it and stick with it. Period. It is out of anyone's hands but the addicts.</p><p></p><p>I highly recommend Al Anon or Nar Anon. They have online groups so you can start even during this pandemic.</p><p></p><p>Wishing you love, hugs and.prayers. This is not easy.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="BusynMember1, post: 756952, member: 23706"] Hi and so very sorry you are going through this. I am a little confused. Does he live with you and your wife? Is this a nephew? I can tell you that I am in Al Anon and have been in Nar Anon and we are told not to help a drug addict do anything he can do for himself, especially not give money or possessions. Often they use the money or sell the possessions for drugs. Plus the addict has no reason to change if we make them comfortable. I would not live with a heroin addict, even a child. Having said that, not one of us has any control over anyone but ourselves. We can not contrlol our kids, our other relatives or our spouses. All we can control is our reactions. If your wife insists this young man live with you and gives him things, you have to decide what you are going to put up with until you set a strong boundary such as "If Joe doesn't move out in the near future I will have to leave" or anything you feel works better for you. If you don't change yourself and your reaction, which is all you can control, then nothing will change in the family and you can't expect it. In my nar Anon group is an ex heroin addict who has been clean 30 years. Now his 35 year old child has been an addict for years. He also sustained a Traumatic Brain Injury (TBI) this year. He lives in a state far away and is not allowed to come home. He refused to get help long term and has been in many rehabs but he always leaves. Nobody can make an addict get help or stay in care. This father recalls he did not get clean until his parents died and he got no help. In his sons case he no longer gets help but he is as bad an addict as ever. He may not quit. He may die first. He lives on the streets and almost died this year, but he wants to stay in the streets and not go into rehab near his father. He knows his son may die and that he has no power to stop it. I guess my point is that, yes, your situation is intolerable and, yes, this young man needs help. In regards to your situation you need to decide if you will set boundaries that you will follow through with or if you would rather let things be. And this young man needs help. You can't force him to get it and stick with it. Period. It is out of anyone's hands but the addicts. I highly recommend Al Anon or Nar Anon. They have online groups so you can start even during this pandemic. Wishing you love, hugs and.prayers. This is not easy. [/QUOTE]
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