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Parent Emeritus
Son 32 Still lives with parents
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<blockquote data-quote="JMom" data-source="post: 756997" data-attributes="member: 19892"><p>Hi Andy,</p><p></p><p>I can tell that you love your son, even if you turned him in. That was a great step towards teaching him accountability. I would love for your wife to be part of this conversation. Most of us here are moms and dads of addicts. Putting your son out is going to be really hard for your wife. I had to do it to my son when he was 19-ish. I bought him a tent and dropped him off in the woods. I have been where you are now. You do not have to do what I did. He spent 8 months on the streets and then cleaned himself up for about 3-4 years. He recently relapsed but is on his own still, so my marriage and house will stay in tact.</p><p></p><p>Drug abuse is so harmful to the entire family and comes between a husband and wife. It is hard to experience intimacy when everyone is stressed out, carrying guilt, living in fear and financial ruin. We are all here with you and for you and your wife. This will truly be your soft place to land. I agree with everyone who has posted, it will not change his addiction to keep him under your roof. He is going to make the decision to be sober (or not) but it doesn't have to ruin the rest of the family. It sounds like you guys have provided the best for him and you can untangle yourselves with LOVE. It doesn't have to be a fight, just a boundry.</p><p></p><p>My prayer for you is to learn self-care for you and your wife. You both deserve peace in your home. I would like to suggest a book for you both to read: Codependent No More by Melody Beattie. Here is the link:</p><p><a href="https://www.amazon.com/Codependent-No-More-Controlling-Yourself/dp/B000E1Z6VS/ref=sr_1_2?dchild=1&keywords=codependent+no+more&qid=1586826326&sr=8-2" target="_blank">https://www.amazon.com/Codependent-No-More-Controlling-Yourself/dp/B000E1Z6VS/ref=sr_1_2?dchild=1&keywords=codependent+no+more&qid=1586826326&sr=8-2</a></p><p></p><p>Prayers and huge to you, your wife and son.</p><p></p><p>JMOM</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="JMom, post: 756997, member: 19892"] Hi Andy, I can tell that you love your son, even if you turned him in. That was a great step towards teaching him accountability. I would love for your wife to be part of this conversation. Most of us here are moms and dads of addicts. Putting your son out is going to be really hard for your wife. I had to do it to my son when he was 19-ish. I bought him a tent and dropped him off in the woods. I have been where you are now. You do not have to do what I did. He spent 8 months on the streets and then cleaned himself up for about 3-4 years. He recently relapsed but is on his own still, so my marriage and house will stay in tact. Drug abuse is so harmful to the entire family and comes between a husband and wife. It is hard to experience intimacy when everyone is stressed out, carrying guilt, living in fear and financial ruin. We are all here with you and for you and your wife. This will truly be your soft place to land. I agree with everyone who has posted, it will not change his addiction to keep him under your roof. He is going to make the decision to be sober (or not) but it doesn't have to ruin the rest of the family. It sounds like you guys have provided the best for him and you can untangle yourselves with LOVE. It doesn't have to be a fight, just a boundry. My prayer for you is to learn self-care for you and your wife. You both deserve peace in your home. I would like to suggest a book for you both to read: Codependent No More by Melody Beattie. Here is the link: [URL]https://www.amazon.com/Codependent-No-More-Controlling-Yourself/dp/B000E1Z6VS/ref=sr_1_2?dchild=1&keywords=codependent+no+more&qid=1586826326&sr=8-2[/URL] Prayers and huge to you, your wife and son. JMOM [/QUOTE]
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