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Parent Emeritus
Son 32 Still lives with parents
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<blockquote data-quote="Copabanana" data-source="post: 757197" data-attributes="member: 18958"><p>Dear Andy: Many of our adult children make suicidal statements and/or feel suicidal triggered by our setting boundaries or the sense that we will. My own son did this repeatedly. For years. And I have had to call the police and he was hospitalized. </p><p>And there is also the possibility that your son is desperate. That he knows on some level he has real problems and by setting boundaries he is forced to the place where he will face his problems.</p><p>I would venture to say that most of us have gone to a place where we don't recognize what we've become, by enduring the unendurable. I know I was pushed to a place where I lost myself. Actually, I pushed myself to that place, by asking myself to endure what I should never have endured. </p><p></p><p>We matter, Andy. It matters that by "helping" and "protecting" these adults, we compromise our essence.</p><p>This is hard. </p><p></p><p>I have a suggestion. What about Al Anon, which is a group for family members of addicted people. There are probably online meetings as long as social isolation is still in effect. Many of the parents here have participated in these groups and have found them to be fundamental to their own recovery. Because this is thing we find to be true: the only change we have any control over is our own. Do you think your wife might attend with you? Even if she won't, why not consider it?</p><p> </p><p>The other thing that many parents do is consider therapy. Either personal therapy or marital therapy.</p><p></p><p>Andy. I am so sorry for this hard, hard thing you are enduring and that your family is enduring and that your son is enduring.</p><p></p><p>Is your wife open to posting here? There have been married couples who both posted. I wish she would either read here, or post. Or both.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Copabanana, post: 757197, member: 18958"] Dear Andy: Many of our adult children make suicidal statements and/or feel suicidal triggered by our setting boundaries or the sense that we will. My own son did this repeatedly. For years. And I have had to call the police and he was hospitalized. And there is also the possibility that your son is desperate. That he knows on some level he has real problems and by setting boundaries he is forced to the place where he will face his problems. I would venture to say that most of us have gone to a place where we don't recognize what we've become, by enduring the unendurable. I know I was pushed to a place where I lost myself. Actually, I pushed myself to that place, by asking myself to endure what I should never have endured. We matter, Andy. It matters that by "helping" and "protecting" these adults, we compromise our essence. This is hard. I have a suggestion. What about Al Anon, which is a group for family members of addicted people. There are probably online meetings as long as social isolation is still in effect. Many of the parents here have participated in these groups and have found them to be fundamental to their own recovery. Because this is thing we find to be true: the only change we have any control over is our own. Do you think your wife might attend with you? Even if she won't, why not consider it? The other thing that many parents do is consider therapy. Either personal therapy or marital therapy. Andy. I am so sorry for this hard, hard thing you are enduring and that your family is enduring and that your son is enduring. Is your wife open to posting here? There have been married couples who both posted. I wish she would either read here, or post. Or both. [/QUOTE]
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