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Parent Emeritus
Son 32 Still lives with parents
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<blockquote data-quote="Copabanana" data-source="post: 757212" data-attributes="member: 18958"><p>Dear Andy. To me, your past experience with your brother explains why this is so traumatizing to you. I think this makes sense, to let your wife take the lion's share of responsibility for now, while you try to step back.</p><p></p><p>I do hope your wife decides to read and to post here. I think your story is not unique. I know</p><p></p><p>I have had the same confusion, having a hard time distinguishing between past and a present that seems to be a repetition of something that was impossible to bear the first time around. My father was an addict who died living on skid row. When my son began to hit the rocks my fear and dread was impossible to bear. Little by little I was able to free the present from the past. My son is not my father. My son deserves to live his life free from fears from the past. It's a process, for all of us. I am so very, very sorry for this pain and agony you are having to deal with.</p><p></p><p>You are modeling to me kindness to myself at a time when I sorely need this lesson. I think there are times when the best thing we can do is show kindness and compassion for ourselves and yet the first impulse is either to get frantic and traumatized or get out the whip. Which I was doing before I read your post. This post of yours is helping me find compassion for myself, and to give myself a way out of a situation where I felt like a butterfly in a jar with alcohol, flailing to live. (Unfortunately we used to do this when we were kids. It was a science experiment!) Reading your post I see I can get myself out of the jar. I don't have to stay there. Thank you.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Copabanana, post: 757212, member: 18958"] Dear Andy. To me, your past experience with your brother explains why this is so traumatizing to you. I think this makes sense, to let your wife take the lion's share of responsibility for now, while you try to step back. I do hope your wife decides to read and to post here. I think your story is not unique. I know I have had the same confusion, having a hard time distinguishing between past and a present that seems to be a repetition of something that was impossible to bear the first time around. My father was an addict who died living on skid row. When my son began to hit the rocks my fear and dread was impossible to bear. Little by little I was able to free the present from the past. My son is not my father. My son deserves to live his life free from fears from the past. It's a process, for all of us. I am so very, very sorry for this pain and agony you are having to deal with. You are modeling to me kindness to myself at a time when I sorely need this lesson. I think there are times when the best thing we can do is show kindness and compassion for ourselves and yet the first impulse is either to get frantic and traumatized or get out the whip. Which I was doing before I read your post. This post of yours is helping me find compassion for myself, and to give myself a way out of a situation where I felt like a butterfly in a jar with alcohol, flailing to live. (Unfortunately we used to do this when we were kids. It was a science experiment!) Reading your post I see I can get myself out of the jar. I don't have to stay there. Thank you. [/QUOTE]
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