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Parent Emeritus
Son 32 Still lives with parents
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<blockquote data-quote="Copabanana" data-source="post: 757455" data-attributes="member: 18958"><p>You're in a tough spot, Andy. Because of history. And because your own needs and your wife's are not in synch. </p><p></p><p>I remember when you were last here that the decision was to put her in charge, and that you would back off. At that point I remember your wife did not want him to leave. </p><p></p><p>You know already the drill. None of this, really, is his fault. It seems he's an addict. And addiction is driving this. It's his responsibility yes. He needs to clean himself up and his life up. But you know he's an addict. Already, from experience we could have anticipated all of this. Nobody here judges you. But until we accept we are part of this, we continue to contribute to the mess. Until we change ourselves. That's the only power we have.</p><p></p><p>You set him up, by fronting the money. (Actually, before that, allowing him back in the house, without sustained and prolonged treatment for addiction, and demonstrated self-sufficiency. You know that. And all of the rest followed from that. What he meant here, was "so that he would have (money) for just whatever he needs."Andy. Each of these behaviors is a typical behavior. And he will keep doing it until he gets long-term treatment and recovery under his belt. What you are accepting when you bring him back, are those behaviors. Until he gets sustained treatment. There are sober living homes run by rescue missions, that are completely free for indigent people. But he's working. These places charge minimally for room, board, recovery options, etc. My son was in one twice.</p><p></p><p>I think you and wife need to talk about what's best for son. Glad you came back.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Copabanana, post: 757455, member: 18958"] You're in a tough spot, Andy. Because of history. And because your own needs and your wife's are not in synch. I remember when you were last here that the decision was to put her in charge, and that you would back off. At that point I remember your wife did not want him to leave. You know already the drill. None of this, really, is his fault. It seems he's an addict. And addiction is driving this. It's his responsibility yes. He needs to clean himself up and his life up. But you know he's an addict. Already, from experience we could have anticipated all of this. Nobody here judges you. But until we accept we are part of this, we continue to contribute to the mess. Until we change ourselves. That's the only power we have. You set him up, by fronting the money. (Actually, before that, allowing him back in the house, without sustained and prolonged treatment for addiction, and demonstrated self-sufficiency. You know that. And all of the rest followed from that. What he meant here, was "so that he would have (money) for just whatever he needs."Andy. Each of these behaviors is a typical behavior. And he will keep doing it until he gets long-term treatment and recovery under his belt. What you are accepting when you bring him back, are those behaviors. Until he gets sustained treatment. There are sober living homes run by rescue missions, that are completely free for indigent people. But he's working. These places charge minimally for room, board, recovery options, etc. My son was in one twice. I think you and wife need to talk about what's best for son. Glad you came back. [/QUOTE]
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