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Substance Abuse
Son back in custody
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<blockquote data-quote="Copabanana" data-source="post: 749820" data-attributes="member: 18958"><p>Dear Helpless</p><p></p><p>First of all, I am sorry. I am sorry for your pain. Was not the writing on the wall? </p><p></p><p>Your son did well while he was contained. Which is a very good thing. He is very young. He seems to need structure and very strong boundaries, in order to be able to control himself. That he responded to this while incarcerated is a good thing.</p><p></p><p>From what you have written in the homes that both his grandparents and his father provide there have been problems. His grandparents have seemed indulgent. There he acts entitled. His father seems to trigger him, and they have conflict. Is it any surprise that the result is this? He alone is not responsible for the result. These are family systems of which he is only one part.</p><p></p><p>I would try very hard to not react by thinking that he is a bad kid who has failed again. To me the result was predictable. Personally, I would be grateful that this has happened. He is back where he is safe and has the opportunity to mature. Something very bad could have happened. It did not. That is a good thing.</p><p></p><p>You, like I am, are very identified with your child. What I mean by that is that you respond in a visceral and immediate way to his distress or happiness, or how you interpret his behavior.</p><p></p><p>Your task as I see it now is to try to live from your thinking brain (versus feeling brain) to rise above your reactions based upon his words, his feelings and his perceived needs. After all, he is a child. And like all of us, he cannot really know the meaning of each experience, in the here and now. We do ourselves no favors when we react to what they say or feel. </p><p></p><p>You can work with yourself to encourage gratitude and perspective. He is a child. There is great hope. He is safe. That he would mature. It is more a prayer I guess. </p><p></p><p>Sometimes prayers are the most powerful thing we have.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Copabanana, post: 749820, member: 18958"] Dear Helpless First of all, I am sorry. I am sorry for your pain. Was not the writing on the wall? Your son did well while he was contained. Which is a very good thing. He is very young. He seems to need structure and very strong boundaries, in order to be able to control himself. That he responded to this while incarcerated is a good thing. From what you have written in the homes that both his grandparents and his father provide there have been problems. His grandparents have seemed indulgent. There he acts entitled. His father seems to trigger him, and they have conflict. Is it any surprise that the result is this? He alone is not responsible for the result. These are family systems of which he is only one part. I would try very hard to not react by thinking that he is a bad kid who has failed again. To me the result was predictable. Personally, I would be grateful that this has happened. He is back where he is safe and has the opportunity to mature. Something very bad could have happened. It did not. That is a good thing. You, like I am, are very identified with your child. What I mean by that is that you respond in a visceral and immediate way to his distress or happiness, or how you interpret his behavior. Your task as I see it now is to try to live from your thinking brain (versus feeling brain) to rise above your reactions based upon his words, his feelings and his perceived needs. After all, he is a child. And like all of us, he cannot really know the meaning of each experience, in the here and now. We do ourselves no favors when we react to what they say or feel. You can work with yourself to encourage gratitude and perspective. He is a child. There is great hope. He is safe. That he would mature. It is more a prayer I guess. Sometimes prayers are the most powerful thing we have. [/QUOTE]
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