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Son called to be picked up from a dangerous situation-I refused. Sorry-VERY long!
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<blockquote data-quote="blackgnat" data-source="post: 596506" data-attributes="member: 13561"><p>Thanks for all the wisdom.</p><p>Yesterday morning I got a call at 5 am from him saying Please come get me mom I am in a hospital and don't know where and they won't keep me here and I have no clothes because they took them from me. I told him to ask them where the hell he was and he told me a place that's about a 40 minute drive, (but I still didn't know where it was) and I just went into enabling/rescue mode. I said I would get him and we'd take it from there. Called in half a day's absence from work.</p><p></p><p>Got there-it really IS in the middle of nowhere, yeah,I know...and he was in the lobby, in scrubs. Broken nose. I brought him to my place, again, on the premise that he could NOT stay there, but I could maybe get him some clothes and another place to stay. He had been out on the streets, ****** somebody off and they had punched him. Clothes were cut off him at the ER , all covered in blood. He had no recollection of his original story , which was being thrown out a moving car.</p><p></p><p>I called in the rest of the day off. We went to all the missions and shelters he'd been to and got the stuff he so cavalierly left behind. Called places, they didn't have any beds available immediately. I told him that he could stay that night but when I got back from work, we would be leaving for anywhere else. </p><p></p><p>He thanked me profusely and said he couldn't wait to go to Colorado and make a new start. I felt he was angling for a week's stay at my place (which I am SUBLEASING, so have a lot of responsibility to keep the place as I said I would). He said he would use my laptop to find resources in Colorado. I left for work , full of prayers.</p><p></p><p>Even before I got home, I felt that urgency and fear-I have to get him out of here and what the hell am I coming home to?</p><p></p><p>The place was in darkness. He was asleep and I just woke him up and said "What are you on?" . He said pills. He then woke up properly and said he had to call a friend (who is a protector of sorts) and I said it was a good idea because he couldn't stay. He agreed and said "Mom, I just can't do this. I can't stay here and live how you want me to live. Im a hardcore addict. I have to level with you. I called a guy I know and had sex with him and he brought me alcohol. I just can't have this time on my hands doing nothing without thinking of ways to fill it without getting high or getting into some kind of trouble."</p><p></p><p>I have to say I secretly applauded his honesty and I said "Lets go". He called his friend and they are now back in the bars and on the streets.</p><p></p><p>I am delighted to have my temporary home back and feel strangely numb. But comfortably so. Like the penny has finally dropped. Even though I have told this myself a million times. This REALLY is his life and his choice and if he dies or if something terrible happens, its his choice. I asked him, when we were driving down to the city, "Does the prospect of getting high and drunk and being on the streets make you depressed or desperate or does it scare you?" and he said "NO. I want this."</p><p></p><p>So right now, who am I to dictate that he should live it differently? He said before he got out of the car, "Mom, I love you and you have been a wonderful mother. If anything happens to me or if I die, I just want you to know that I love you so much and you have been the most perfect mother for me. I know you have hated what you have had to do because my ****thank you behavior made you do it, but you did it anyway and that is the mark of a loving mother. It might be a weight off your shoulders if I die because you won't have to worry about me any more. "</p><p></p><p>Any and all comments are welcome, because of course, it'll be hard to let things go and I see the manipulation etc in this, and am STILL expecting the other shoe to drop but I just wanted to update those who have read thus far and again, to thank you for any and all comments and encouragement I've received.</p><p></p><p>Sure I'm not out of the woods yet. But isn't that one of the worst aspects of having a difficult child? There isn't a lot of closure so our emotions are stretched so thinly all the time. And often the closure we get is the type we dread....</p><p></p><p>Best wishes, strength and courage to all of us!</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="blackgnat, post: 596506, member: 13561"] Thanks for all the wisdom. Yesterday morning I got a call at 5 am from him saying Please come get me mom I am in a hospital and don't know where and they won't keep me here and I have no clothes because they took them from me. I told him to ask them where the hell he was and he told me a place that's about a 40 minute drive, (but I still didn't know where it was) and I just went into enabling/rescue mode. I said I would get him and we'd take it from there. Called in half a day's absence from work. Got there-it really IS in the middle of nowhere, yeah,I know...and he was in the lobby, in scrubs. Broken nose. I brought him to my place, again, on the premise that he could NOT stay there, but I could maybe get him some clothes and another place to stay. He had been out on the streets, ****** somebody off and they had punched him. Clothes were cut off him at the ER , all covered in blood. He had no recollection of his original story , which was being thrown out a moving car. I called in the rest of the day off. We went to all the missions and shelters he'd been to and got the stuff he so cavalierly left behind. Called places, they didn't have any beds available immediately. I told him that he could stay that night but when I got back from work, we would be leaving for anywhere else. He thanked me profusely and said he couldn't wait to go to Colorado and make a new start. I felt he was angling for a week's stay at my place (which I am SUBLEASING, so have a lot of responsibility to keep the place as I said I would). He said he would use my laptop to find resources in Colorado. I left for work , full of prayers. Even before I got home, I felt that urgency and fear-I have to get him out of here and what the hell am I coming home to? The place was in darkness. He was asleep and I just woke him up and said "What are you on?" . He said pills. He then woke up properly and said he had to call a friend (who is a protector of sorts) and I said it was a good idea because he couldn't stay. He agreed and said "Mom, I just can't do this. I can't stay here and live how you want me to live. Im a hardcore addict. I have to level with you. I called a guy I know and had sex with him and he brought me alcohol. I just can't have this time on my hands doing nothing without thinking of ways to fill it without getting high or getting into some kind of trouble." I have to say I secretly applauded his honesty and I said "Lets go". He called his friend and they are now back in the bars and on the streets. I am delighted to have my temporary home back and feel strangely numb. But comfortably so. Like the penny has finally dropped. Even though I have told this myself a million times. This REALLY is his life and his choice and if he dies or if something terrible happens, its his choice. I asked him, when we were driving down to the city, "Does the prospect of getting high and drunk and being on the streets make you depressed or desperate or does it scare you?" and he said "NO. I want this." So right now, who am I to dictate that he should live it differently? He said before he got out of the car, "Mom, I love you and you have been a wonderful mother. If anything happens to me or if I die, I just want you to know that I love you so much and you have been the most perfect mother for me. I know you have hated what you have had to do because my ****thank you behavior made you do it, but you did it anyway and that is the mark of a loving mother. It might be a weight off your shoulders if I die because you won't have to worry about me any more. " Any and all comments are welcome, because of course, it'll be hard to let things go and I see the manipulation etc in this, and am STILL expecting the other shoe to drop but I just wanted to update those who have read thus far and again, to thank you for any and all comments and encouragement I've received. Sure I'm not out of the woods yet. But isn't that one of the worst aspects of having a difficult child? There isn't a lot of closure so our emotions are stretched so thinly all the time. And often the closure we get is the type we dread.... Best wishes, strength and courage to all of us! [/QUOTE]
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Son called to be picked up from a dangerous situation-I refused. Sorry-VERY long!
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