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Son called to be picked up from a dangerous situation-I refused. Sorry-VERY long!
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<blockquote data-quote="recoveringenabler" data-source="post: 596510" data-attributes="member: 13542"><p>Your post is very moving, it made me feel so much empathy for you and for your son too. I feel sad for you and for me too, our children turned out to be so different then what we imagined. There is nothing either of us can do to make that any different then what it is. What I work on all the time is acceptance, it's not easy either, in fact, it's the most difficult thing I've ever done. That's where help comes in, whatever kind of help works for you, a lot of parents here go to Alanon family groups and they are helpful. Support groups, therapy,.......... choose forms of support that feel right to you and use them.</p><p></p><p> I have to learn to accept my daughter for my own well being, there is nothing else I can do. And, like your son, she does not make good choices, she is impaired in some manner which is not clear to me, but she is. I have to recognize my powerlessness to effect change. As you do. </p><p></p><p>Your son told you who he is, he took you off the hook, take yourself off, there isn't anything else you can do, he is living the life he wants to live. And, other shoes may indeed drop, so the best thing to do is to stay in the present moment and enjoy it, when and if the shoe does drop, you can deal with it then, but waiting for it to drop is not a good use of your time. All it does is ruin this moment. Right now, he is out there, you are home, you are safe, it is quiet, you can cozy in and enjoy tonight. Put him aside and focus on you, what else can you do, worry about him out there? What good would that do. Try to train your brain to stop the relentless worry. When we are in constant fear that way, we actually create new neuro-pathways in our brains, the 'fear' path. We go down it over and over again until our brains just do that all the time. You've got to create new neuro-pathways, get out of that rut of worry and practice acceptance. Little by little it grows until one day, you just don't go down the fear road any more. </p><p></p><p>This is a tough road for us, unlike any other......and we travel it, for the most part, alone. No one else can stand in our shoes and know what we know. We can get heard and acknowledged here on this board, which is a wonderful gift and helps so much. And, yet it still is a lonely path at times. I am so sorry you are in this place, I wish it were different for you, and me too, but, it is what it is and all we can do is try to travel this path with a little grace, a whole lot of faith, compassion for the people our kids have become and truckloads of acceptance for what we cannot change. Sending you big hugs and wishes that you focus on you and find your joy and your peace.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="recoveringenabler, post: 596510, member: 13542"] Your post is very moving, it made me feel so much empathy for you and for your son too. I feel sad for you and for me too, our children turned out to be so different then what we imagined. There is nothing either of us can do to make that any different then what it is. What I work on all the time is acceptance, it's not easy either, in fact, it's the most difficult thing I've ever done. That's where help comes in, whatever kind of help works for you, a lot of parents here go to Alanon family groups and they are helpful. Support groups, therapy,.......... choose forms of support that feel right to you and use them. I have to learn to accept my daughter for my own well being, there is nothing else I can do. And, like your son, she does not make good choices, she is impaired in some manner which is not clear to me, but she is. I have to recognize my powerlessness to effect change. As you do. Your son told you who he is, he took you off the hook, take yourself off, there isn't anything else you can do, he is living the life he wants to live. And, other shoes may indeed drop, so the best thing to do is to stay in the present moment and enjoy it, when and if the shoe does drop, you can deal with it then, but waiting for it to drop is not a good use of your time. All it does is ruin this moment. Right now, he is out there, you are home, you are safe, it is quiet, you can cozy in and enjoy tonight. Put him aside and focus on you, what else can you do, worry about him out there? What good would that do. Try to train your brain to stop the relentless worry. When we are in constant fear that way, we actually create new neuro-pathways in our brains, the 'fear' path. We go down it over and over again until our brains just do that all the time. You've got to create new neuro-pathways, get out of that rut of worry and practice acceptance. Little by little it grows until one day, you just don't go down the fear road any more. This is a tough road for us, unlike any other......and we travel it, for the most part, alone. No one else can stand in our shoes and know what we know. We can get heard and acknowledged here on this board, which is a wonderful gift and helps so much. And, yet it still is a lonely path at times. I am so sorry you are in this place, I wish it were different for you, and me too, but, it is what it is and all we can do is try to travel this path with a little grace, a whole lot of faith, compassion for the people our kids have become and truckloads of acceptance for what we cannot change. Sending you big hugs and wishes that you focus on you and find your joy and your peace. [/QUOTE]
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Son called to be picked up from a dangerous situation-I refused. Sorry-VERY long!
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