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Son called to be picked up from a dangerous situation-I refused. Sorry-VERY long!
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<blockquote data-quote="recoveringenabler" data-source="post: 596544" data-attributes="member: 13542"><p>Blackgnat, it's not only OKAY that you are happy tonight and tomorrow and all your days, it is imperative, it is your duty and your right, it is what life is meant to be. Life is not meant to be survived each day, it is meant to be enjoyed and treasured, each moment,............ and every moment we spend worrying about something we can't change is a complete and total waste of OUR lives. Don't do it. Start to accept it and change your moments, one by one into what you desire them to be. I am absolutely certain that you have done all you can do, <strong>even your son told you that</strong>, so take those shackles of guilt, self imposed I might add, and throw them away. Guilt is the gift that keeps on giving, as Erma Bombeck used to say. As I have done that, step by step, I feel liberated from those shackles, from the pain, from the enmeshment with my daughter's choices...........you can do it. I wanted to feel peace, joy, freedom, serenity and a real sense of acceptance for my child and for the situation I am in. Life has become so, so much better, my difficult child's life is more or less the same, but I have changed dramatically.</p><p></p><p> I've also mentioned this before, but when I was having guilt for living my life and having any kind of prosperity while my difficult child was practically homeless (by ALL of her own choices) Calamity Jane, here on this board, told me, "What are you going to do, wear a hair shirt?" I had to look up hair shirt, but when I found out what it was, I laughed out loud, geez, should I walk the streets in pain and discomfort to prove that I love my child? Yikes.</p><p></p><p>That loneliness Blackgnat is so pervasive, it goes deep. All of my friends kids are successful, happy, well adjusted kids, no one can relate to me. I can also see the judgments and or pity in their eyes. It's a kind of aloneness that is indescribable However, last year I got myself into this codependency program through Kaiser here in CA. a huge HMO with an enormous Substance Abuse program which included an entire staff of therapists trained in codependency. It was a year and a half long program with 3 phases. I ended up in a group with parents with mentally ill kids and a few with kids using. These people knew my anguish, my guilt, my deep, deep sorrow and loss, it was the first time in my whole life I felt as if I was understood and others really 'got' what I was feeling about my only child. And, when they spoke, it was as if I had said that. It was a very, very healing experience. Then I found this board, so with the support of my group and the support I received here, I began that journey, that process of detaching and accepting. If you can find a place like that, you will accelerate the process simply by being in an environment of compassion and empathy. I think there are many here on this board who have benefited greatly from finding various support groups which they can identify with. </p><p></p><p> Make today the start of your freedom. Your son freed you when he told you what a great mom you are and that he is going where he wants to go. Now free yourself, go enjoy your life, we only get this one ride around the merry-go-round, once this moment is over, you can't get it back, so go have some fun, laugh, be happy..........take your life back from hanging over the edge of suffering, step back from that edge and walk away. I'm sending you big hugs and lots of encouragement to BE HAPPY.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="recoveringenabler, post: 596544, member: 13542"] Blackgnat, it's not only OKAY that you are happy tonight and tomorrow and all your days, it is imperative, it is your duty and your right, it is what life is meant to be. Life is not meant to be survived each day, it is meant to be enjoyed and treasured, each moment,............ and every moment we spend worrying about something we can't change is a complete and total waste of OUR lives. Don't do it. Start to accept it and change your moments, one by one into what you desire them to be. I am absolutely certain that you have done all you can do, [B]even your son told you that[/B], so take those shackles of guilt, self imposed I might add, and throw them away. Guilt is the gift that keeps on giving, as Erma Bombeck used to say. As I have done that, step by step, I feel liberated from those shackles, from the pain, from the enmeshment with my daughter's choices...........you can do it. I wanted to feel peace, joy, freedom, serenity and a real sense of acceptance for my child and for the situation I am in. Life has become so, so much better, my difficult child's life is more or less the same, but I have changed dramatically. I've also mentioned this before, but when I was having guilt for living my life and having any kind of prosperity while my difficult child was practically homeless (by ALL of her own choices) Calamity Jane, here on this board, told me, "What are you going to do, wear a hair shirt?" I had to look up hair shirt, but when I found out what it was, I laughed out loud, geez, should I walk the streets in pain and discomfort to prove that I love my child? Yikes. That loneliness Blackgnat is so pervasive, it goes deep. All of my friends kids are successful, happy, well adjusted kids, no one can relate to me. I can also see the judgments and or pity in their eyes. It's a kind of aloneness that is indescribable However, last year I got myself into this codependency program through Kaiser here in CA. a huge HMO with an enormous Substance Abuse program which included an entire staff of therapists trained in codependency. It was a year and a half long program with 3 phases. I ended up in a group with parents with mentally ill kids and a few with kids using. These people knew my anguish, my guilt, my deep, deep sorrow and loss, it was the first time in my whole life I felt as if I was understood and others really 'got' what I was feeling about my only child. And, when they spoke, it was as if I had said that. It was a very, very healing experience. Then I found this board, so with the support of my group and the support I received here, I began that journey, that process of detaching and accepting. If you can find a place like that, you will accelerate the process simply by being in an environment of compassion and empathy. I think there are many here on this board who have benefited greatly from finding various support groups which they can identify with. Make today the start of your freedom. Your son freed you when he told you what a great mom you are and that he is going where he wants to go. Now free yourself, go enjoy your life, we only get this one ride around the merry-go-round, once this moment is over, you can't get it back, so go have some fun, laugh, be happy..........take your life back from hanging over the edge of suffering, step back from that edge and walk away. I'm sending you big hugs and lots of encouragement to BE HAPPY. [/QUOTE]
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Son called to be picked up from a dangerous situation-I refused. Sorry-VERY long!
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