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Son called to be picked up from a dangerous situation-I refused. Sorry-VERY long!
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<blockquote data-quote="blackgnat" data-source="post: 596751" data-attributes="member: 13561"><p>Thanks as always for your collective wisdom and support.</p><p></p><p>I felt unworthy to be on this site, like I am NEVER absorbing or rather AM, but not acting the way I feel. I have been in this mode for so long and was making such good progress and then I get pulled back into it. I think it's that massive codependency thing where when HE is okay, so am I. When he was in the Mission, I never even thought about him. I knew he was safe, sober and being productive every day. The people he was living with cared about his well being.</p><p></p><p>Here is what happened last night. After all the "This is what I want mom, the streets, I'll be okay with Dan" etc., I get a call from Dan. He said he was out on a tattooing job in the city I live in. My son was there, asleep, but it was time to leave and he couldn't leave my son at this person's house. As I live so near, could I take him for the night (Hold on, didn't I just DO this? 24 hours earlier?). I asked why he couldn't stay with Dan. He said that he wasn't going back to the place that he usually stays and those people didn't know him either.</p><p></p><p>After much wrangling, I just caved. Dan promised me he would come pick my son up tomorrow (ie today). My son was a little drunk, very depressed and said that he couldn't manage the streets without someone like Dan to help him. And even Dan didn't want to do that. Dan kept telling him he was drinking too much and he didn't now what to do with him. He said nobody wants him around. I told him that his behaviors when he is using make him obnoxious. He, like all sociopaths, can be very charming and witty when he is clean.</p><p></p><p>This morning he said he wanted me to take him to the ER after I get off from work (I said I'd do it before-tho work is starting to get a little p.o'd with my absences) because he wanted to check him into the psychiatric ward. He says he is tired of living and I believe him. He said he would just sleep all day.</p><p></p><p>In reality, he needs a place to crash until I take him to Colorado. But I'm really just doing that so I can get him out of my hair. I am a coward. His father is a real problem solver and not emotionally vulnerable as I am. </p><p></p><p>So I did it again. I don't even know how to describe this. Beyond bizarre and absurd. Ridiculous, masochistic. I am the only one who can stop it, but I keep taking two steps forward and one step back. Will I be able to live with the guilt of dumping him? I want him out of my house. That isn't even going to BE mine, in 6 weeks.</p><p></p><p>All you wonderful people have dispensed the most practical advice, support and wisdom. Why isn't it going in my head? I just keep pulling the scab off and bleeding all over again.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="blackgnat, post: 596751, member: 13561"] Thanks as always for your collective wisdom and support. I felt unworthy to be on this site, like I am NEVER absorbing or rather AM, but not acting the way I feel. I have been in this mode for so long and was making such good progress and then I get pulled back into it. I think it's that massive codependency thing where when HE is okay, so am I. When he was in the Mission, I never even thought about him. I knew he was safe, sober and being productive every day. The people he was living with cared about his well being. Here is what happened last night. After all the "This is what I want mom, the streets, I'll be okay with Dan" etc., I get a call from Dan. He said he was out on a tattooing job in the city I live in. My son was there, asleep, but it was time to leave and he couldn't leave my son at this person's house. As I live so near, could I take him for the night (Hold on, didn't I just DO this? 24 hours earlier?). I asked why he couldn't stay with Dan. He said that he wasn't going back to the place that he usually stays and those people didn't know him either. After much wrangling, I just caved. Dan promised me he would come pick my son up tomorrow (ie today). My son was a little drunk, very depressed and said that he couldn't manage the streets without someone like Dan to help him. And even Dan didn't want to do that. Dan kept telling him he was drinking too much and he didn't now what to do with him. He said nobody wants him around. I told him that his behaviors when he is using make him obnoxious. He, like all sociopaths, can be very charming and witty when he is clean. This morning he said he wanted me to take him to the ER after I get off from work (I said I'd do it before-tho work is starting to get a little p.o'd with my absences) because he wanted to check him into the psychiatric ward. He says he is tired of living and I believe him. He said he would just sleep all day. In reality, he needs a place to crash until I take him to Colorado. But I'm really just doing that so I can get him out of my hair. I am a coward. His father is a real problem solver and not emotionally vulnerable as I am. So I did it again. I don't even know how to describe this. Beyond bizarre and absurd. Ridiculous, masochistic. I am the only one who can stop it, but I keep taking two steps forward and one step back. Will I be able to live with the guilt of dumping him? I want him out of my house. That isn't even going to BE mine, in 6 weeks. All you wonderful people have dispensed the most practical advice, support and wisdom. Why isn't it going in my head? I just keep pulling the scab off and bleeding all over again. [/QUOTE]
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Son called to be picked up from a dangerous situation-I refused. Sorry-VERY long!
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